New member super nice and helpful but I find her so irritating!

[Bleachmycloths]

Some details changed/not included to avoid outing.
I am in a hobby club. I love it. Members are lovely and we have an enjoyable relaxed time. Leader is great and makes meetings enjoyable.
New member ticks all the boxes for being nice: chatty, smiley, makes tea, talks to everyone, asks them questions to show an interest in their lives, helps to clear up. I feel a bit guilty because I find her a PITA and I am getting grumpy about it.
To avoid drip feeding:

• At the discussion part of the meeting she tries to draw everyone in by posing a question then asks each person what they think. Some members are shy and I can see they don’t like this.
• suggests we all go out for the evening to get to know each other and to not to talk about hobby. I joined for the hobby, not to go out for meals.
• every meeting she announces she can’t remember names and points to each one in turn and gives them their name, often wrong, then she gives them a nickname eg “ Mrs Cake” “Mrs Lovely Red Handbag”

I have other examples but this is already too long. I worry thatI am simply intolerant because I just want to say “Oh, fuck off with your helpfulness and friendliness and leave people alone!” Finally, she is not covering up shyness. She is confident and thinks she’s the bees’ knees. I know this. I am not guessing. AIBU for being intolerant and grumpy? Should I accept her as well meaning and that other people and their behaviour are part of life?

Lol 😂. I asked for that!

I was going with furniture restoration. Or knitting.

Urgh. I guess we're all different, but some people are so un self-aware. I'm in a hobby group and most of us are going away together soon for a hobby related event. The new group member coming with us is really inexperienced and really in your face. The kind of person who speaks to you or asks you something when we're supposed to be silent and focussed then doesn't get the social cues when you smile and nod or reply only briefly. Will be interesting to see how things pan out.

Oh, now I’m playing guess the hobby again. Silence suggests yoga or meditation retreat? Though surely no one starts chattering in the middle, however impervious?

The nickname thing sounds irritating, the rest sounds absolutely fine.

It's a shame that some people see confident women as a threat.

Her fitting into the group is no threat to you so yes, YABU.

I would see it as a positive thing, in our group we have had a couple of new members join recently, they are very confident and self assured and have taken on a lot of the responsibilities... things which existing members have never offered to do. In fact a lot of the 'old' organisers have now been able to step back (including me ) and it is great to have new, enthusiastic people taking over .. yes, some things are different but that's good .. we all need new ideas and suggestions.

I think the name thing being rude depends on how she delivers it. If she says it in a dismissive way, i.e 'oh, I can't remember are you Jack or Jess, oh I'll just call you Miss Lovely Handbag,' then it sounds like she can't be bothered to learn the names, if it is more like, 'Im sorry, are you Jess? great handbag, perhaps you are Miss Lovely Handbag,😁' I would say not so bad and shows nervousness. You wouldn't call someone Mr Mole due to a big mole on his neck as that is not flattering it is just rude.

@Feemie - neither of those! We're a diverse, but friendly and supportive group. I do get that finding your feet in a large group with established friendship groups can be difficult because I've been there myself. It's the "look at me" behaviour from someone who needs to do more listening and less talking that wind me up! If we all did it it would be chaos.

She'll want to be leader next

The last thing about giving everyone names is really quite rude and unacceptable. Other stuff is Ok. She needs to be told off about the nicknames.

If she did the nickname thing with me I'd be very tempted to answer, actually my name is "Why don't you just ask me my name if you don't know?"

Yes, that sounds ers rude and entitled.

I think the hobbie is significant here as maybe she doesn't think you do need to be quiet as much as you do.

There's nothing wrong with that if she settles in well and they need a leader in future.

Maybe she is nervous? I can suffer from verbal diarrhoea when in a new situation, mortifyingly aware of it so don’t tend to leave the house.

Is it a book club, if so, the pulling people in to the discussion may be well meaning.

No, I don’t think we should be quiet. I sometimes sympathise with a couple of quiet, shy members who she puts on the spot. Maybe she is trying to ‘bring them out of themselves’ but not everyone likes that. And no I am NOT one of the shy ones! 😀

She could be incredibly insecure and covering up with masses of energy. Give her time. She will probably settle and become less intense

Sounds ghastly but unless you want to be a bitch - smile and carry on.

YANBU. We call these people attention seekers and I do not give them my time.

You seem to be 'worrying' about other adults and how she might be affecting them. They're fully grown people who seem to have managed this far in life.

It sounds as though you're trying to transfer your feelings here, rather than dealing with them yourself.

Ask yourself if deep deep down, you're a little bit envious of her.

Hmm I think I might be a bit like this, and I have been working on toning myself down (I'd never do the names throng though). For me I think it comes from anxiety and a feeling that I'm not good enough somehow, it's all a bit of an act.

Maybe the same for her?

I know what you mean. Sometimes a group I go to comments on an area of my expertise and it's so hard to not correct completely wrong information.

Or a good, confident woman.

Confident women seem to be frowned on a lot by some people unfortunately.

It's almost as though the OP wants her to blush and stay quiet until she's spoken to.

'Know your place' springs to mind.

I do think it's often the most insecure people who, despite seeming outwardly confident, need the most validation and strokes from others. They're often the ones posting photos of their every breath over the course of a day on chuffing Facebook.