New member super nice and helpful but I find her so irritating!

[Bleachmycloths]

Some details changed/not included to avoid outing.
I am in a hobby club. I love it. Members are lovely and we have an enjoyable relaxed time. Leader is great and makes meetings enjoyable.
New member ticks all the boxes for being nice: chatty, smiley, makes tea, talks to everyone, asks them questions to show an interest in their lives, helps to clear up. I feel a bit guilty because I find her a PITA and I am getting grumpy about it.
To avoid drip feeding:

• At the discussion part of the meeting she tries to draw everyone in by posing a question then asks each person what they think. Some members are shy and I can see they don’t like this.
• suggests we all go out for the evening to get to know each other and to not to talk about hobby. I joined for the hobby, not to go out for meals.
• every meeting she announces she can’t remember names and points to each one in turn and gives them their name, often wrong, then she gives them a nickname eg “ Mrs Cake” “Mrs Lovely Red Handbag”

I have other examples but this is already too long. I worry thatI am simply intolerant because I just want to say “Oh, fuck off with your helpfulness and friendliness and leave people alone!” Finally, she is not covering up shyness. She is confident and thinks she’s the bees’ knees. I know this. I am not guessing. AIBU for being intolerant and grumpy? Should I accept her as well meaning and that other people and their behaviour are part of life?

Sounds as if your nose is out of joint, are you feeling a bit eclipsed by her?

Sounds like nothing of the sort. There is nothing in any of my posts to suggest any such thing…
You read my original post, missed the parts where I said I felt a bit guilty about it and questioned my own intolerance, then you didn’t read any of my other responses, particularly the one on page 3 where I thanked people for the helpful responses and said what I think I need to do - but you went straight to responding, asking what you feel is a pithy, rhetorical question which only exposes either your failure to read the thread before typing or your failure to understand if you did read the thread. I hope this helps.

It sort of does

YANBU

It is irritating when someone (usually inwardly very insecure) has to be the unwanted centre of attention come what may.

The only person who is insensitive and oblivious to how they are perceived is themselves.

Everyone else has to silently suffer it.

She's not the leader?

I totally get you, I think she sounds dreadful. Especially the name thing. Could you possibly have a word in private where you ask her whether she’d prefer you to write a list of people in the group she can take it home and study in private so she can remember the proper names and not have to rely on silly nicknames? She’ll probably get sick of it soon enough though once she realises you’re not having any of her taking over nonsense.

I feel your pain, a couple of folk in our group annoy me a bit - they are nice but just irritating by making it all about them. It is likely that other folk get a bit irked but we are all too polite to speak about other members within the group. Just ignore her and enjoy your hobby, other folk will be thinking the same as you.

Urghh she sounds like that mum on the school run (but obviously this is a different group setting) that everyone thinks the sun shines out her behind, while you stand back and observe and wait for the drama to unfold and quietly tell yourself "I told you so"

Yes. Thing is, nobody else cares about knowing everyone’s names. We all know a few names, after that we muddle along with “ Hi how are you er ..” “It’s Margaret” “ Oh yes, Margaret, how are things? You went to Spain, didn’t you? How was it…” etc etc.
most of us do this and gradually we are getting to know each others names as membership has changed quite a bit since Covid.
I am starting to grit my teeth in anticipation of the pantomime every meeting where she wants everyone ’s attention while she tests herself on knowing our names! Daft sod 🤣

I thought I might know the person but no, because this person would know your name AND make up a nickname for you. That she will tell everyone she calls you the nickname, constantly. Whilst using the real name, too. "His name is Johnathan but I call him Jockey because he said he went horse riding once, and I give everyone nicknames. Don't I, Jockey?!"

That was within a day of meeting.

Sounds exactly like my situation. I think I find it a pain because she’s not actually a bad person. Just an irritating, exhausting one 😊

But she isn’t trying to fit in she is trying to change the group to fit in with her.

Do her a favour and show her this thread so she can find a new hobby group rather than wasting her life with some bitter, old, judgemental hags who get jealous of any woman who have more confidence than them.

I used to be quite shy and got bullied as a teenager and over the years I have found my confidence and I try to get some fun going in a group so people don't feel awkward or left out - because I wasted half of my youth feeling like that - it has absolutely nothing to do with wanting attention and everything to do with going out of my comfort zone. I look confident on the outside but I also have my insecurities. When I read judgemental comments like that I feel I can't win.

Do us a favour and get some therapy and try to go about life in a bit more open minded and accepting way. To "feel" like someone is being irritating (because they are too nice or too jolly) is most of the time more about you than about that person. I can tell you right now they probably don't have a clue because people like you would prefer to talk behind their backs than to approach the situation in an open minded way (by just being accepting) or tell someone that something makes them feel uncomfortable (and it's not even stuff that's not normal like letting off a hug fart in the middle of a meeting)

YABU - and so are all these people who excitingly agree with you. People like you is what's wrong with our society and if you look into it you probably realise that you turned into your mother - the very person you never wanted to be

Oh, bore off!

Why did you reactivate a thread just to talk all about yourself @thegreenjudy? 😂

'I try to get some fun going in a group so people don't feel awkward or left out'

As an introvert, that makes me shudder. Did you never think of leaving other people the heck alone, to get on with being the way THEY want to be?

I’m very sociable and that makes me shake my head in disbelief at the arrogance and thoughtlessness of it. @thegreenjudy seems to expect to be congratulated for ‘going out of her comfort zone’ regardless of whether what that involves suits other people or not. Do you get that other people aren’t you, @thegreenjudy, and are as likely to be quietly getting on with their hobby in perfect content as to be inwardly tormented because they’re timid and desperate to have your variety of ‘fun’? Maybe read up on theory of mind.

If I joined an established club or group that had a quieter vibe than I liked, I would respect that the status quo worked for the regular members and either see if a different atmosphere had anything to recommend it, or look elsewhere for something that suited me better. What I would not do is to decide is that my ‘personal journey’ to self-confidence legitimises me projecting onto others and reinventing, uninvited, a club that appears to be functioning perfectly well to suit the needs of all the other people who are not me. That is being arrogant.

One of my friends is an introvert and she hates awkward silence and is happy when others keep chatting away. Everyone is different, not all introverts are the same.
Point is you are displaying bullying behaviour and think you are somehow superior to all these people who can't shut up. This seems more about a power imbalance than that woman talking too much - so to all those who accuse her of wanting to be the center of attention, I think the lady doth protest too much.

You/She point(s) out the ladie's (who you know nothing about) rude behaviour and at the same time ignoring your own ie gossiping behind people's backs and treating the person in question passive aggressively because she made a social faux pas.
All the while you don't have the balls to actually deal with her like an adult by kindly approaching her and telling her that she makes you feel uncomfortable.

Grow up folks!

Yes I get that other aren't me, and so should you

Lol I think you had enough validation in this thread, your reaction tells me more about you than that poor lady who knows nothing about your despicable behaviour

But you’re the person projecting your own former timidity onto blameless strangers. I’m well aware other people aren’t me, and if a group didn’t suit my idea of ‘fun’, I’d adapt or go elsewhere, not ‘jolly people along’ because that’s what I would have liked someone to do for me in my youth.

And bore off again.

I've no idea why you're addressing me like this. You seem to have confused me with the OP.

And you're wrong about the OP, too.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable but honestly I don’t think I like anyone 😂

this thread seems to have disappeared up its own backside! 🤣 I started it and I thought it was finished ages ago. This is only the second thread I have ever started and it’s going on and on and on 😱.