Boys and teen pregnancies

[KittyAlfred]

DS is 17 and one of his contemporaries from primary school is about to have a baby. She and her boyfriend are happy about it (according to Instagram - I have no direct contact with them), but it got me thinking about how I would feel if DS got a girl pregnant.

I had a termination as a teenager, which my Mum supported me with, as did my boyfriend at the time.

Parents of daughters would have some influence, would be able to talk through the pros and cons of pregnancy and termination, the practicalities, the realities of it etc, so that the pregnant girl could make an informed decision. The boys (and their parents) would just have to wait and see what decision was made.

I think most people would agree that the pregnant girl gets to decide what she does with her body, but what should the boy do? Assuming they used condoms, and the pregnancy was an accident, how much responsibility should the boy take for a child he didn’t want? Should he quit education and get a job to pay some child support? Should he take a father role, share accommodation and childcare? Should he just walk off into the sunset saying that he didn’t want a child in the first place and she should have aborted? Should his parents take over, pay child maintenance and help out, while allowing him to carry on university or whatever?

Hopefully I’ll never be faced with this situation, but as a mother of boys I do think about it sometimes. DS is sensible and knows about contraception, but condoms are all that’s available to him, and we all know they’re not 100% effective. It’s not even a conversation teens can have before they have sex, because no one knows how they’ll feel till it actually happens.

Exactly! It isn't the end of educational aspirations at all!

When I had my DS 18 years ago at 16, my borough paid 100% childcare (what an amazing scheme! Care2learn or some other name) for parents who were under 19. I used that to help me through GCSEs, A-levels and then when as a student at university, like other adults, tax credits helped pay for 80% of my childcare costs. Then I started work and he started school.

The opportunity for student teen parents to utilise childcare is often better if not the same as a single parent in their 30s.

Nor has anyone given an age limit where men should be expected to take responsibility for their decision to have sex.

presumably that means it’s not just teen boys people think should be able to walk away?

She gets to make that fully informed decision.

@Tessabelle74

But a young boy is not going to be able to really support financially? If he’s continuing his education and has a part time job that doesn’t really amount to very much and certainly nothing in the grand scheme of things when it comes to raising a child and the young girl is often very much in the same financial position.

My daughter knows the buck stops with her if that happened. We would provide her and her child with a home but me and her dad both work full time, she would be very much on her own if she decided to pursue a pregnancy. You can’t rely on the actions of a teenage boy either, rightly or wrongly.

She gets to make that fully informed decision.

Much like the male did when he had sex @NoTouch. Assuming their was no coercion towards the girl and she was able to access abortion in the first place. Not that it matters about the child's feelings in all this.

Not sure who would have my daughters child whilst we worked though? Child care is horribly expensive even for two working professionals.

Ultimately the thoughts of many are that the male has to get the final choice.

That the female gets to make the final choice of what happens is simply unacceptable.

If she doesn’t make the choice the male wants he should be given the option to simply walk away otherwise it’s not fair.

At no point can he be expected to take that biological fact into consideration before his decision to have sex.

Thats what it boils down to. Male must have final say.

Utterly bizarre

I was wondering this too.
It seems that a 16 year old girl is considered responsible enough to make life changing decisions, at what age should the boy/man be able to do that?

So you'd be happy to financially support your daughter but for the baby's father's family to do nothing to support her?

Never because his mummy’s (and daddy who probably doesn’t actually care) wee darling prince who should never have to not do what he wants. That nasty meanie girl just stole his sperm you see and was such a horror she would just get rid of it like a good girl.

Humanity sucks. I have both a son and daughters but Jesus.

@YetMoreNewBeginnings

Women do need to take responsibility for the fact that men can walk away whenever they want too. I mean I knew that from a very young age myself. I took responsibility as a teenage girl not to get pregnant. If my (incredibly reliable form of contraception) did fail I could have had an abortion. Not pleasant but thank god women have that option.

I would have also known if I had continued with it, i would have potentially had to put up with life as a young, teen, single mum. Now some folk might see that as victim blaming. It isn’t, it’s very much being aware of what could potentially happen should you choose to proceed with a pregnancy so young. Some young teen boys might step up. Some might not.

I also decided to have children with someone who I thought was a good man. Now this may or may not have worked out long term. I know that life throws you off balance, but what I’m getting at is both boys and girls have a sense of agency that they can utilise. It isn’t Ireland back in the 70s!

Shit happens, accidents happen. Most young teenagers will terminate.

@OhmygodDont

It is comments like that, that are just all round silly.

That’s how all these posters on here saying they would want their sons to basically run away sound. Because a child would ruin his poor life. Maybe raise better men.

Or rather expect more of your sons.

@Tessabelle74

Correct. Other peoples children are not my responsibility.

@OhmygodDont

LOL, you’re going on like my sons have impregnated other young girls. They haven’t by the way, must be doing something right 😜. I do think a child at that age is just ridiculous and I also tell my teen daughter the same thing. I happen to want the best for all of my children thanks.

I didn’t mean you personally I mean those parents in general.

@Easterfunbun After the way you you want after my posts earlier and claimed I was “banging on” (despite only replying to posts in which you tagged me in) I won’t be engaging

You have your opinion. I have mine.

I don’t disagree that he should finish university; of course he should! However you initially said he couldn’t help financially yet he should go to court to ensure he’s on the birth certificate. I’d say if he works part time then a good % of that is given over to the mother. I am another of 2 boys and a daughter. My boys know they’d be expected to step up. Teaching them that was an integral part of parental sex ed.

@YetMoreNewBeginnings

Correct.

I highly doubt a Randy young 18 year old lad is going to abstain from having sex with his girlfriend. Especially when you can quite obviously double up on contraception.

He's probably telling you one thing, and going at it with his girlfriend.
Unless for religious reasons I highly doubt there's many 18 year old lads not shagging their girlfriends at uni 😂

Also the whole 'oh but we all know contraception isn't 100 percent so it's not my sons fault' - make your mind up.

If we all know that contraception is not 100 percent presumably we all know the possibility of what could happen. You either choose to take the risk or you don't.

The other option is using more than one method of contraception - you would have to be seriously unlucky for both to fail and I imagine this is not a common occurrence.

I also imagine those who complain it's not fair and that they don't want to be a dad are often those who haven't used contraception at all or assumed the woman was on the pill.

My bio dads excuse for running away after I challenged him and said we all know how babies are made (he shock did not use protection) was to then say that 'everyone was doing it' like that somehow makes it remotely okay.

Humanity sucks. I have both a son and daughters but Jesus.

It really does.

Yeah, she was just putting on an Oscar worthy performance when she was begging to keep the child through tears. That disingenuous grown woman. Oh wait, she was an actual child, children by definition are impressionable, and a crying naive child faced with adults with all kinds of leverage and threats isn't exactly coming out on top are they? Plus in an age before "my body, my choice" was a thing, when forced quiet abortions were the "done thing" whether in the UK or anywhere else, and when male education was valued above female education even in the UK... Yeah, this female child was just spoilt for choice then 🙄