To feel embarrassed that we can’t afford to buy a property?

[Foreveraskingquestions]

Since me and DH have been together buying a property has never really been in our interest. We had money at the start but we wasn’t bothered as rent was fairly cheap back then and our priority really was just having fun and going on holidays.

Luckily our current property is HA and it is dirt cheap but we are now leaving and going into private rent. Our rent is now going to be 1k I never imagined spending that much on rent but it’s a beautiful home and it gives our kids the space they need to blossom.

FIL was gobsmacked about how much rent were going to be paying and said how it’s dead money. It’s obviously got into DH head and now he thinks we’re “failures”. Everyone in his family has brought their properties we are the only ones that haven’t.

AIBU to think we’re not failures? He said his family are probably laughing at us.

I don’t know how we would ever be able to buy a place in our area. Maybe if we moved up north!

In all honesty I would still stay.
This is a hugely unstable time for renting privately.
You should be creative and think long term. Your new landlord could sell or die and their family sell.
You can have kids sharing, you can have your room in the living room. You have a garden albeit small.
It's a massive bonus and better than a lot have.

There is so much judgement on this thread. Who prioritises buying a house together in the early days of a relationship?

I don’t think anyone is saying that.

Surely you can see that a single mum of one going on to have two more children when not in a position to sufficiently house them because she opted to spend money on “holidays and fun stuff” isn’t making great decisions?

We bought our house about 3 years after we were married but because of low income and starting a family it was bloody hard going. It took a long time 20+ yrs before we felt good about it.

So please do not feel a failure. You are still in the marriage, that must be scored as a win. Just look around Mumsnet at some of the sorry tales.
Hold your head high OP, Good Luck and a Happy Easter to you and the family.

Maybe start thinking about 20-30 years ahead.
The state pension is low enough now, but in future it may be lower.

£12K pa rent couldn't be paid out of the current state pension, if that is someone's only income.

Do you contribute to a private or work pension?

Many elderly people in rented houses struggle hugely trying to cover current rent on an income of around £9K if they have no occupational pensions to top that up.

You still have time to start saving for a deposit and really need to think further ahead.

This isn't about being embarrassed, it's about being asked to move from a private rental in your 60s, 70s or 80s, and not being able to afford anything (unless you qualified for council housing.)

I went to uni and then took a gap year in my early 20s, I met my husband at uni. Once we got to around mid 20s we said right time to save a deposit and sacrificed holidays abroad for 5 years in order to save (also saved for our wedding too). We bought our house aged 31. We prioritised buying a house when many people around us were prioritising holidays, we had a really good deposit saved and will have the house paid off by about aged 45 with overpaying. You were living in the now, we were living in the future and forward planning, if you'd have done the same you'd own your own home too. I'm sure I'd have been jealous of all the lovely things you were doing whilst we were scrimping. You aren't a failure, you clearly just aren't very switched on when it comes to finances and planning for the future.

Failure no but mad yes

To give up a ha properly is insane imo

You may be crowded at the moment with baby in your room (many will say why have another child is was in a small 2 bed new build)

But assume in a year or so you will be moved into a 3 bed house and space /life will be better

Renting privately is a huge risk as ll can decide to sell (happened to my friend) and she has struggled to find a new house in their budget near school

You would be better to stay in ha and save

Tho you say you have savings but uc won't pay if have savings over £16k

Struggling to understand why you think you get a 3-4 bed home up north for less than £1k per month anyway? Unless it was a shithole in the arse end of nowhere??

My dd lives in south Manchester and is paying that for a tiny 1 bed flat. Up north is not the utopia of cheap housing that some southerners seem to think.

You’d be mad to give up a HA Property to pay rent within the private sector!
Social housing is like gold dust and you wouldn’t be allocated another HA or Council property in this day and age.

Stay put and save up a for a deposit. It would surely be cheaper to pay for storage for your business stock.

I can’t believe that private rents are only just recently a shock to you. I would advise you both to brush up on your financial literacy/planning. Read up on how mortgages work/the process, Solicitor’s fees, Stamp Duty, insurance, etc. Also consider Shared Ownership schemes via your HA or other HAs.

Have you looked into doing a 3-way sway via mutual exchange?
Or considered moving out of the area for more options?

I’m wondering if you’re live for now people. The spending your savings on fun stuff, moving to a four bed rental, giving up a secure HA tenancy, having 3 kids in a small two bed new build, these are all ultimately decisions you are both making.

there are so many options to help to buy now, to get families on the property ladder, and as painful as your living situation is now I think folks just want to make sure you’ve both examined all those options and don’t, as said, come to regret this decision very quickly if you see your rent sky rocket.

*3-way swap

You're not a failure, you just made different life choices to FIL. As you say yourself, you chose to travel and have fun. As I keep telling DD, you can't spend it twice.

You had different priorities to FIL, so he should respect that, ( but at the same time, you can't complain about your life now in rented accommodation. )

I don't think anyone should judge others as not everyone wants to buy a house and lots of people rent for different reasons.

You are most definitely not failures. House ownership is not as obsessed over in other countries like it is here , and I say that as a home owner. I’m also sure family members are not laughing at you but rather crying at their mortgage increase.

Can't vote as your title question doesn't tie with the question at the end of your OP

We have no choice but to rent. We got our first rented flat at 19, got married and had a baby at 22, second at 23. It's been 11 years & we have a lovely home now. DH earns well & I'm at university but there's basically no chance we'll be able to save for a deposit while paying rent. My dad is 65 & has never owned, he never had the opportunity to.

Of course you are not a failure, you earn and provide for your family. I don't think your FIL have any idea of how much more we pay for our mortgage vs his time. However, I would consider buying a house if mortgage payment is about the same as rent so that it will likely to become an investment rather than running cost.

Personally I would stay where you are and save like mad for a deposit. I wouldn't give up a secure tenancy.

Yes like others I agree, you need tp
be realistic about what you can buy. If you could afford the deposit for a decent sized 2 or 3 bed flat they buy that, improve it and move up the property ladder. Look for an upper maisonette with a loft to convert (into a further 1-2 beds) or a good sized 2 bed where you can (temporarily if necessary) divide a room. I know of literally no-one whose first house was a 4 bed detached.

@Foreveraskingquestions now is the time to look forward. Have you moved yet? If no I'd request to stay put if possible and declutter as much as possible.
Make a decision looking at current savings and decide how much difference (approx) you need to add to your savings for a deposit.
Then I would (if you decide to stay) I would take the difference in your HA rent and your proposed rent and put into savings for the 12-18 months. Add this to whatever savings you have monthly towards the deposit.

How old are your kids? If they're under 6/7 I find it cheaper as at that age they're not big into things so very little extra spending and they're happy with trips to the park.

My friend rented a three bed apt from the an investment company that owned apts on her complex. Initial rent was €850, one day they received a letter saying that rent is going up to €1250. No consultation with tenants, pay up or get out. They scrimped between the three of them (husband, and brother no kids) and bought a doer upper. This was 8 years ago and I dread what the rent is now.

Life happens to us differently. We bought at age 33 with two young kids and went on to have a third. Our mortgage on a 4 bed semi excluding overpayments is around €1300, a similar sized house to rent is a minimum of €2900, 5 years ago it was €1800.
Please stay in your HA house if possible and best of luck.

I'd buy the ha house, sit on it for the legal period before selling. I'd use that money to buy a property. Renting is dead money. My sister has lived in rented housing for years. She gave up a ha house for rented accommodation, because she wanted more space. She said it was manageable. But rent has shot up over the years. Rising rent and a house sale meant and she had to leave numerous house. She's now in a private, tiny 2 bed house, it's rent is four times what she paid for the larger original ha house. I'd stay where you are OP. 1,000 pound rent might be manageable this year, but when it keeps rising you may not be able to afford it and end up in a private tiny 2 bed house. What happens when the landlord sells up, you'll keep moving on. It's not a forever home, because it's rented.

This. You’ve spent your whole lives prioritising something else.

Well l wouldn't say you are a failure, but somewhat reckless yes.
To have 30K and blow it when you have the responsibility of a child seems pretty reckless to me, secure housing should be everyone's no 1 priority.

I waited years to have kids as did many of my professional friends to secure a home first. Most of us worked 2 jobs, didn't take holidays etc to achieve the first mortgage then everything else became relatively easy.

I agree with your FIL it is dead money and l think you were mad to give up the low rent of a HA property before you had saved enough to buy.

But presumably you chose to have a child at 22 and 23? Many people wait 10 years , saving, and working f/t to get a deposit together. Most professional people now don't have a child till they are 30+.

My DH is 68- older than your dad. He bought his first home at 29, 6 years after leaving uni, in the south east UK.

Why did you dad not?

Too many people don't realize that when you're retired, with little to no income you'll still have to pay rent. With a mortgage you'll have a home that is paid for , no monthly mortgage payment.

Me and DH have recently retired and the drop in income comes as a shock, even after doing the sums and bracing ourselves. We paid off the mortgage about 5 years ago, so the house is ours, but I hate to think how we'd cover rent on pensions.

You’re not failures but choices have consequences, that’s just how it works

Do you mind me asking what local authority this is?!