Was IBU? Train give up seat for a child situation

[FriendsObsessed]

So I was on the way home today. Busy train, full of commuters.
i managed to get a seat, one of those 3 that are on the side of the carriage and can be flipped up if needed.

An older couple got on with their (I assume) grandchildren.
The women next to me offered her seat to one of the kids. The grandfather came back saying at yes if they could sit together that would be lovely (keeping eye contact with the woman). She was like ‘I can only offer you my seat’. I didn’t move… he sat down with the child on his lap.

someone else got up and offered the seat to the other child. Same thing happened the grandmother sat down with the other child on her knees (kind of)

i tried to just chill (as I always do on the train) but I kept feeling very uncomfortable and sensed a bit of a death stare. The kids were pretty annoying, and weren’t told to just sit and keep kicking other people’s bags, seats and stop complaining. When I got off the train I could hear the grandfather saying, now you sit here finally.

I’m just so annoyed at folks travelling on train with kids expecting that others should move/give up seats for them. AIBU?

ps the children were approx 4 and 6 yo

What a weird thread.

Nobody asked OP to do anything. 🤣 Totally invented problem.

Then bizarre comments from entitled people stating they'd expect a small child to give up their seat for an adult. 😧 To wobble around unsafely between a sea of huge legs and bags and likely get bashed about and fall over. Little kids with much less stamina and much more easily hurt. How callous. I'd always offer to give up my seat for a small child, and I'm disabled!! Really quite shocked by what I've read.

"Cam22 · Today 13:57

Children are pandered to in present times. They are bratty as a result. They should stand."

So I've asked PP as well but no one has answered yet. Why? Why should a child stand for an adult JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE A CHILD AND YOU ARE AN ADULT? I don't get it? Just because YOU had to when you were a child? That logic doesn't work for me sorry.

I really think the bratty attitude here is coming from the adult

And I'm not saying you should get up for a kid either, that's up to you, but why do you expect them to get up for you?

Why are you SHOUTING?

Boohoo! 😭🎻

Thank goodness ideas about appropriate treatment of children have moved on from that time, see also: safeguarding them properly, not hitting them, not chucking them out of the house all day unattended, implementing the age of consent, etc.

The fact that people used to consider it acceptable to treat them as though their needs were irrelevant doesn't mean we should continue to do so.

I’d not be standing up for a child. The child can sit on the knees of the parent/carer or stand up.

My teens kids will stand up for elderly people that need a seat or just older adults in general. It’s basic respect and politeness. I need to sit down now on buses, trains, tube and being offered a seat by a teenage is something that I have experienced. I find it shows thoughtfulness and kindness.

@Cam22 not meaning to actually shout. Sorry. Was just hoping my question might get spotted. I'm really interested to hear why people think kids should always stand for an adult. Nobody seems to be able (or want?) to answer.

I give up my seat if I see someone that needs it. But the automatic assumption that an adult is more deserving of travelling on comfort then a child is baffling. Manners or not it’s just a pathetic hierarchy of age making you more important. If you’re able bodied you stand. It’s not in a child to facilitate your comfort.

Basic respect and politeness. My kids are older but they stood up and still stand up for adults in need - elderly, lots of shopping, look in need. They just offer their seat. It’s not always been taken but it’s good to offer. I really need to sit down as well. I think it’s teens thinking of their mums/grans/older carers and standing up.

Yeah but that's adults in need. Not just "adults". I agree with you that anyone - not just kids - should stand if someone needs the seat more

Yup entitled and petty. But it's somehow the kids that are brats.

My fit and healthy teens absolutely would stand for an adult that clearly needed to sit down. They would also stand for a younger child. Just like adults often did for them when they were little. They don't need to stand for just anyone who wants the seat though.

I'll do that when the kid pays for the seat.

Maybe because the OP wasn't expecting kids to get up but was expected to get up for kids? It's not OP's fault her thread has been derailed.

@BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers kids -or at least their parents - pay on trains (admittedly not tubes or London buses) but elderly or disabled passengers often don't. So I assume on that logic you don't stand for them either?

I'd definitely give up my seat for a young child - say under roughly 10 or so. If I was healthy and able to obviously.

I actually find that teaching children that we should give up seats for those more in need is a much better idea than teaching them to give up seats just because someone is older. Means when they are teenagers/young adults they will know that they are (probably) the least 'in need'.

If both child and adult are able bodied then it's first come first served I think. I don't think a 5 year old needs a seat more than an adult.

I do think that children should show respect to adults and younger adults should show respect to older adults, but that doesn't extend to a 5 year old getting up for a 30 year old if the former was there first

So those who qualify for a bus pass can't have a seat then either?

Thank goodness ideas about appropriate treatment of children have moved on from that time, see also: safeguarding them properly, not hitting them, not chucking them out of the house all day unattended, implementing the age of consent, etc.

@Oneiros Exactly. I went on a school trip to the Tower of London on the Tube when I was about eight.

My mum made me a packed lunch and dropped me off at the local station where we were all due to meet.

She said loudly: "Have a lovely day, Limited, and behave nicely for the teachers. Remember, Mummy and Daddy have paid for your ticket, so get a seat and sit there like a good girl until you have to get off the train. Don't waste any money in the gift shop. Tell me all about it tonight."

It was the tail end of rush hour and I was the only child my teachers did not tell to give up her seat one by one for the commuters who got on after us. I remained sitting and so did my teachers.

My mum's speech was not just for my benefit. She was marking my teachers' cards. It's not just the principle that a child should not automatically defer to an adult (and my teachers didn't give up their seats) it's a safety thing. If every child on the school trip is sitting together, there is no danger of them getting lost when the time comes to get off.

The "tell me all about it tonight" was a particularly elegant threat. And before anyone runs away with the idea that my parents were namby-pambies who had no respect for the older generation, I was a late baby born in their 40s which was very unusual at the time. I can only think of one boy whose mum was the same age as mine.

My mum would have been 100 this year and my dad 105. They were both very good at standing up for their rights and teaching their three children how to do it too.

To be fair if I was on public transport with my pre school Grandchild and an adult got on I'd ask little on to sit on my knee.

I know paying a fare doesn't enable you to having a seat but it wouldn't sit well with me knowing they'd paid to stand while my little non paying one sat on the seat.
Just my opinion.

Surely everybody should show respect for everyone. Why should people respect someone more for being older than them (if both able bodied)? It's not like it's an achievement, to happen to be born earlier.

I think that's different. I always put DD on my lap to make room for others, or even stood up as there would be more room for someone else to sit comfortably, especially if it's other little ones.

I always explained to her about priority seats, moving when needed and obviously leading by example. I also explained that we don't always get a seat, we're not entitled to a seat but emphasised how nice it is when we get one or someone offers us one and we should "pay it forwards".

I think that teaches her more about empathy and respect than the arbitrary "children must get up for an adult because of reasons".

You should be considerate of other people, but you should also have respect for yourself and teach that to others, principally your children.

No one is better than anyone else but we should help others if we can. But only in reasonable circumstances.

The OP had her reasons for not giving up her seat but still posted about how badly she felt about it because of real or perceived dirty looks. Why? She should be comfortable with her decision or be doomed to spend her whole life apologising for her existence or resenting other people making her feel bad whether that was their intention or in her own head.

She should be comfortable with her decision or be doomed to spend her whole life apologising for her existence

Bit of an exaggeration given that nobody even asked her to move, let alone "doomed her existence". 🤣🤣