This is the first time I've posted but this is a question that is really starting to affect me and I'd love some perspective on whether I'm being overly sensitive/unreasonable or if something really is up here...
Sorry in advance for the long post!
We are in a very fortunate position in that we are now in a financial position to buy a flat. My parents can loan us some money, I have savings for a deposit and we both work full time so we can get the mortgage we need for a half decent place. I am keen to buy somewhere together for both financial and emotional reasons. We are both in our early 30s and I am fed up after 10 years of expensive and insecure renting. Our mortgage repayments would be less than our current rent and of course we’d be contributing towards something tangible. I would also love to choose our own place together, decorate and build a home as partners - somewhere we could start a family. I don’t feel particularly settled in London whereas he grew up here and I think having a place of our own would really help me to feel more secure and grounded.
He on the other hand doesn’t want to buy a place. He’s happy renting and keeping our finances separate. He says he would prefer to save up some more and get a better place a few years down the line. He thinks buying is risky and likes the flexibility of renting. These reasons don’t really make sense to me - we aren't after flexibility, we’re not looking to move around as we both have career commitments here that will last minimum 3 years and even if house prices drop, we'll have saved by not renting? I’m also not getting any younger and would like to start a family in the not too distant future. His response to this is always just, “I’ve made my position clear” which is really frustrating...
I wonder whether the real reason is he’s worried about long-term commitment with me or doesn’t like the idea of taking my parent’s money. He assures me these aren’t the reasons and has encouraged me to buy on my own because he can see how much I’m beginning to resent renting. We have now found ourselves in a weird position where I am buying a place (with a smaller budget) on my own and he will be renting from me. I understand how we’ve got here because it seems to be a compromise - he’s still renting, I’m still buying - but I just feel really confused, alone and sad about the whole thing. He would rather rent from me and have no stake in the flat than buy as partners? He also says he wants to get married but wants to make sure we’ve done everything we can to “reduce the risk” first as he’s concerned with the statistics around divorce being among the most stressful life events. He never brings that conversation up though and I’ve stopped asking what ‘reduce the risk’ actually looks like.
What should I do? Do I let this all go and try to be happy with the compromise we’ve taken or is this a sign of bigger problems to come?