The neighbours are going to hate us

[Potentialneighboursfromhell]

I've just signed for the keys for a flat for me and my DC, it's on the first floor of a small block. There are 8 or 10 flats in total.

I wasn't in a position to hang about hoping something on a ground level came up.

I have 3 DC one of which has autism and adhd.

I came to the new property today to drop off a few bits ahead of the big move next week. The kids were excited, running around.

A downstairs neighbour came up to see if everything was OK and what all the noise was (it was the kids running around - this being the first time they had seen the place and they were excited)

I explained and apologised, the neighbour was fine but I got a sinking feeling as soon as I closed the door. My children are going to drive that poor man and his family mad. DS especially. He shouts, screams, bangs - due to his disability. It can't be controlled not for want of trying. Lord knows it drives me round the bend too.

I've been treading on egg shells the rest of the time we've been here. Telling the kids to "shh" and be quiet, take your shoes off so they don't hear you walking about, lower your voices, don't do this don't do that.

It's going to be hell for everybody. Kids included.

I've made a mistake haven't I? What the hell am I going to do now 😔

Maybe they were just using it as an excuse to come and have a nose at you op? There is only so much you can do. If people live in flats there will be noise.

When you live in flats (I have a lot!) you have to get used to some noise. Yes, put rugs down and no shoes in doors etc. your children will be in school and asleep at night. I would much rather live under noisy kids than inconsiderate neighbours who blare music and have loads of friends around late at night.

You sound very considerate but you are probably overthinking it. Enjoy your new home!

I think it's probably a good thing the neighbour came up so soon. Kid's running upstairs would be a nightmare so best to set out his stall from the get go. Especially if you were, as you say, surprised. That makes me think you wouldn't have stopped it without prompting.
I live in a terrace, which is similar in terms of noise. Nobody expects silence but consideration for neighbours is everything. My old neighbours have just moved, thank God. She had 3 kids who seemed to continually run laps round the h, up and down the stairs and bounce off the walls.
I can't tell you how distressing it is to live with this level of noise and destruction of your lovely peaceful home.
Please take the excellent suggestions on board, and ensure your kids also consider their behaviour to the best of their abilities.

I can both sides here. I have lived below a family and it was a nightmare. I almost lost my mind/sanity.

The noise was unbelievably loud and the constant running up/down was unbearable. If I complained - which I did - I looked like a precious neighbour who couldn't handle 'kids being kids', which is exactly what happened/exactly what they thought.

I don't think they were aware of HOW loud their kids were and also that resonance and vibrations of the running/thumping were the issue rather than the 'volume' itself, so even having my own TV on to drown out the sound was pointless.

Too many people think 'kids are just kids' and you 'can't stop them from making noise'. I often think that's an excuse and lazy parenting more than anything else. (The people above me had a child that was old enough to learn - and listen to instructions, but the noise relented).

Of course, you shouldn't expect to live in silence - and kids should be able to enjoy their home too (but obviously not run riot/disturb the neighbours to an unreasonable degree). Sadly, in my case, it was THAT bad and THAT loud and THAT relentless. So I had to say something after biting my tongue for so long. I was at my wits end. My entire body would tense up just waiting for the running to start/stop.

At least OP sounds very self-aware and looking for solutions.

I can understand why the neighbour came upstairs to see what the commotion was - but I also would not be surprised if he came to snoop at who was moving in too. He was probably disappoint in truth - no one wants to live below a family, that's the harsh truth.

But I agree that underlay, foam mats, carpeting, soundproofing etc... will all make a difference. Obviously, carpeting is expensive as is soundproofing, but doing SOMETHING is better than nothing - and I've known people to do absolutely nothing.

I truly hope you come to a solution that works for everyone as you do sound lovely and empathetic.

Oh, thought you were going to say that you had managed to create a hot tub / trampoline combo. With a Disco-BBQ.

Hi OP, we also live in a first floor flat with a similar DC. We have foam mats everywhere but not those interlocking ones that PP linked to, they will come apart from DC running on them and look a mess! (We had those at first too!) My advice would be to get proper large, thick gymnastics type mats. Like 4 inches thick mats. We put them everywhere where DC runs back and forth. The bigger the mats, the less they move about and look messy.

Also, have you had advice from an OT about your son's sensory needs? We do have to be out and about a lot so our DC has enough movement built into her day. Indoor swings, hammock, indoor trampoline can also help. Good luck

You haven’t mentioned if you’re neurodivergent too.A key symptom of ADHD can be rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Did he really complain or was it his way of explaining why he’d come for a nosey and you’re being overly sensitive at the perceived rejection?

Just like my daughter, Im an autistic individual with ADHD. We both have lots of excess energy if we don’t exercise enough. What do you do each day to ensure your children are physically worn out as that will help to limit the noise they create.

Shit! HOUSES! Of course! The OP must have thought that only flats exist.

God, if only you'd been there to suggest not opting for a flat. Could've changed everything.

@VixHex

Crazy isn't it 😂😂😂😂

Carpet the place that will help reduce the noise

TBF. It's a 3 bed flat, so it was almost inevitable that it was going to be let to a family. I shouldn't worry too much, just take reasonable and practicable steps, then get on and enjoy your new home.

You sound very considerate of your neighbour, most wouldn't give a damn. Fair play looking to reduce noise.

I was thinking if the flat was empty a a while, maybe the neighbour was checking on things, I've rentals on either side of me and if one property has been empty for a while and suddenly there is noise, I check it out, just to make sure no one is burgling it.

I know you said you spoke to your landlord, I'm wondering if you mention the carpets again, it will be in their best interest too, so as to avoid complaints, (if any). They can carpet over laminate, so if they ever want to remove the carpets in the future, they can and the wood floor will be in good condition, have done it myself. Plus carpets now a days come with thick underlay, a cheap plain carpet won't cost the earth and if it's plain you can still use your rugs. If you say it now, they can be put down before you move in.

I live in a house and I can hear my neighbour weeing next door. Walls and floors just seem to be so thin everywhere.

Good luck with the move, try not to be on tenderhooks, the kids will pick up on it and probably end up making more noise.

If you live in a flat/terrace/semi etc then noise from the other people around you comes with the territory.

Yes, people should be considerate to not make excessive noise but if it's just routine sounds from day to day living then you just have to get on with it.

Textiles absorb noise - sounds strange but it's true. Ever eaten somewhere like pizza express with all its bare walls and chrome - the noise reverberates from one wall to another - making it sound louder.

So don't just focus on the floors - pictures, especially canvas ones, curtains rather than blinds, cushions and throws - etc will all help to diffuse sound levels.

An empty house always sounds so much louder than one that's filled with stuff.

It honestly might not feel as bad once you've moved your stuff in.

Living in flats in this country is part of having to put up with the normal day to day noises from neighbouring people.
I grew up in a flat abroad and the build there is way better and you don’t hear anything from the neighbours unless they are moving very heavy furniture. Until the demand drops for flats because of the low quality builds, the builders are going to carry on building low quality cheap flats.

You need somewhere to live and this was what was available. Do what you can to limit the noise but don’t apologize for existing. You are your kids have the right to take up space in the world too.
This exactly, plus as someone with 4 boys who once spent my time shushing everyone because of paper thin walls, you get everyone (including yourself) more stressed and so when people explode they explode with a vengeance! Just see how you go and as people say you took what you had to and will get out of there at some stage (but you might end up loving it too!)Congrats on the new place x

I can also smell weed in my kitchen.

Weed is the least of your problems. Loads of countries have decriminalised it and it chills people out. Hard drugs would be a different matter of course.

you and your children deserve a home to live in and it's not your fault that the govt has mismanaged the housing market such that family homes are out of reach of normal people!
Dont let the neighbours bully you....pretty sure they'd not be knocking on the door after only 1/2 an hour if there was a large man living there with you!

yep, we can legally buy & smoke/vape cannabis now
YAY😎

Don't be ridiculous.

I would send a little note/card saying hello again and explaining that your son has SEN and for this reason might make some additional noise, you're very sorry about this in advance and are open to discussing solutions etc etc. It can be very difficult having noisy neighbours but in my experience most people will overlook a lot if they understand the cause.

We used to live on the second floor in a block of flats, I have three SEN children and the 2 years I lived there we went through 4 different neighbours downstairs. No one ever complained but I knew it was due to the noise. I did everything I thought of to keep the noise down and to a minimum but when my ADHD and ASD boy and girl used to have meltdowns and tantrums that no amount of coaxing or distracting would help EVERYONE could hear it.

The anxiety I felt was awful and I used to try and keep them out as much as possible but this is no way to live.

Has the person underneath bought their flat?

Your poor downstairs neighbours.

I’ve lived with this before and it was horrendous. The child in question seemed to enjoy climbing and jumping off things - I deduced that he was most likely swinging on door frames and launching himself onto the floor.

Some good suggestions on this thread re how to try to mitigate the noise somewhat. In my experience, it’s the surprise thuds and banging that is the most disruptive. Loud voices can be drowned out, but it’s horrible to live in constant suspense- waiting for the next crashing noise above your head.

Decent underlay would make the biggest difference - the generic stuff from Carpetright is no good, you need proper acoustic underlay. Bought separately it’s no more expensive - something like Cloud 9 11mm underlay can really reduce impact noise. You could buy some and use it under rugs in the meantime.

God. 4 boys though would have been a nightmare to live next door to though. When I said something to my neighbours, I kept my composure and was extra polite - and had actually waited for 18 months before I complained about the noise. I couldn't take it anymore. It was hell.

Obviously, you don't want to live on edge - but the person complaining (in any situation) might have kept quiet/bit their tongue for far too long on the issue. Having said that, to keep shushing the kids after the fact would have been awful for you too.

My neighbours resented me for speaking up about the noise (I'm sure they took it as an attack on their kids) - but for me to say anything in the first place was a BIG deal for me as I'm a very conflict-avoidant person. It was a no-win situation in the end. I was on edge for 18 months... and then finally spoke up. Then they claimed they were on edge. They would have preferred if I never said a word about it, I know - but I couldn't keep living like that.

In OP's case, it sounded like he was a nosy neighbour - but also gave her the grace of 30 whole seconds in a brand new unfurnished (meaning nothing around the absorb the resonance/sound) flat. Some people are unreasonable, but if both sides make the effort, hopefully there can be a resolution for all involved.

Best of luck to all! Xx

Oh dear, not a good start and I sympathise with your situation with your son, they simply have to make noise and move to cope with their own sensitivities sometimes. Do everything you can reasonably afford to dampen and muffle your noise and keep the kids busy at the park as long as you can to tire them out!

Can I please just say, as someone who is on the other side of the wall from horrendous noisy neighbours who never ever apologise or make an effort to actually discuss things genially with anyone, please do apologise for your disturbances and try to explain and come to some compromises. Our life has been hell for 5 years and it takes considerable nerve to actually knock on a neighbours door and complain. Most people are actually very nice and very tolerant, but when you've had enough and you try and point out someone's antisocial behaviour and they then just deliberately make your life worse it does actually cause serious stress to people. I think deliberate and sustained noise nuisance should actually carry more than just a fine.