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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The neighbours are going to hate us

583 replies

Potentialneighboursfromhell · 05/04/2023 14:42

I've just signed for the keys for a flat for me and my DC, it's on the first floor of a small block. There are 8 or 10 flats in total.

I wasn't in a position to hang about hoping something on a ground level came up.

I have 3 DC one of which has autism and adhd.

I came to the new property today to drop off a few bits ahead of the big move next week. The kids were excited, running around.

A downstairs neighbour came up to see if everything was OK and what all the noise was (it was the kids running around - this being the first time they had seen the place and they were excited)

I explained and apologised, the neighbour was fine but I got a sinking feeling as soon as I closed the door. My children are going to drive that poor man and his family mad. DS especially. He shouts, screams, bangs - due to his disability. It can't be controlled not for want of trying. Lord knows it drives me round the bend too.

I've been treading on egg shells the rest of the time we've been here. Telling the kids to "shh" and be quiet, take your shoes off so they don't hear you walking about, lower your voices, don't do this don't do that.

It's going to be hell for everybody. Kids included.

I've made a mistake haven't I? What the hell am I going to do now 😔

OP posts:
MysteryBelle · 05/04/2023 15:35

I think your idea, when you can afford it, of laying down carpet or rugs will help a lot. You could layer a second rug over some of the main areas and that might muffle the sounds even more.

slowquickstep · 05/04/2023 15:36

People that put laminate in flats are bastards that deserve the special place in hell that awaits them.

JKTrolling · 05/04/2023 15:36

This isn’t your problem. It’s your neighbours. If he comes back don’t apologise, just tell him why there is noise and leave it at that.

Keep a recorded of the dates and times he knocks on your door. Report to the police if needed.

23456v · 05/04/2023 15:37

TwoCoffeesandAMilkshake · 05/04/2023 15:25

I feel sorry for your new neighbours 😢

Me too. I can sympathise with them, as someone who lives below a family with young children (who have laminate in every room!).

Floralnomad · 05/04/2023 15:37

Stop worrying about it , it’s a 3 bed so a family flat and you can only do so much . As much as your neighbours are entitled to peaceful enjoyment of their property you are entitled to live normally in your property . Rugs , slippers etc and trying to get the kids not to scream and shout is as much as you can do really .

JMSA · 05/04/2023 15:38

If it's a private let, why did you opt for a flat? 😬

Lcb123 · 05/04/2023 15:39

I live in an ex-council block with lots of neighbours including families with children who can be noisy. I generally don't mind it because children do make noise and it's not their fault. I'm more bothered by people playing loud music! As others said - get as much soft furnishing as you can, and speak to neighbours in a friendly way about your child so they understand.
Your kids will have been louder with excitement in the new flat, and the downstairs neighbour probably wasn't expecting it. Try and get outside where possible so they can let off steam!

Lcb123 · 05/04/2023 15:40

JMSA · 05/04/2023 15:38

If it's a private let, why did you opt for a flat? 😬

Maybe because that's what OP can afford?

Hotmess1 · 05/04/2023 15:40

Hey OP
Please try not to get too anxious - you and your children have the right to live somewhere!! I live in a ground floor flat and have a mother and autistic child above me. She came and introduced herself to me when they moved in and explained that her son had autism and apologised for any noise and honestly that made a real difference for me! He is noisy but I am definitely tolerant of it because I know he is not doing it intentionally. I would rather that than a grown up blasting music all day, the difference is one is intentional and the other isn’t so I’d suggest mentioning it to your neighbour. Good luck moving in! X

Luredbyapomegranate · 05/04/2023 15:40

I think you need to take is seriously but not panic

You can get insulation mats below carpets, and by the sound of it you need to do that. It can't be helped but needs to be taken seriously. Noise is part of living in flats but obviously your family comes with extra challenges and it's not ideal.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 05/04/2023 15:40

My downstairs neighbours threatened to Sue me for making too much noise in the early hours.

It was just me walking to the loo in the night... apparently sounded like bombs were going off.

Get some rugs. Good luck.

Crumpetloveliness · 05/04/2023 15:43

With all the will in the world you can only do so much. Equally, when people live in flats family noise comes with the territory especially if you’re anywhere but the top floor.

gogohmm · 05/04/2023 15:46

Rugs, socks only and step in if they are running around for more than a couple of minutes - autism isn't an excuse to allow behaviour that isn't acceptable in other children, it really annoys me when people use it as an excuse, all behaviour can be taught even in autistic children (my dd was non verbal until 4, I get it, lots of frustration means noise but I checked her behaviour, I too lived in a rented upstairs flat. Her obsession is music so we had to restrict practice hows for the sanity of our neighbours until eventually we bought a detached house.). One of my bugbears really, took a lot of effort and (thankfully funded) aba therapy to get to the point where she didn't cause mayhem

Original poster
Potentialneighboursfromhell · 05/04/2023 15:49

JMSA · 05/04/2023 15:38

If it's a private let, why did you opt for a flat? 😬

Because I can't afford a house here, it's as simple as that really.

OP posts:
glas house · 05/04/2023 15:49

Dont forget there are grants that you can apply for as your child has autism. You could apply for help with soft flooring. Im not sure of the name as im in wales so its probably different but a quick Google search of whats available in your area or ask the national autistic society should give you options. Enjoy your new home.

Original poster
Potentialneighboursfromhell · 05/04/2023 15:55

Lots of really good suggestions here to make life easier for everybody, thank you!

No shoes indoors is a done deal. We don't wear shoes inside, today was an exception as it was an empty flat. I've bookmarked the foam mats. I'll go ahead with rugs in every room as planned. I'll have a talk with the landlord and share my concerns and broach the subject of carpeting the main living area, at the very least.

Those feeling sorry for the neighbours, I do too! My heart sank after he came upstairs. I was so looking forward to moving in and getting settled but I don't think I'll be able to relax fully now.

On a lighter note that has to be a world record he has set today. A noise complaint within half an hour of the kids stepping foot in the place. Incredible.

OP posts:
3littlebeans · 05/04/2023 16:02

Well are you surprised? I'm not really if he suddenly heard a lot of commotion and wanted to see wtf was going on!

Goodread1 · 05/04/2023 16:03

Hi @SpeckledlyHen 👋

I was just thinking,
Your brothers situation with Neighbours from Hell,
Would be anybody 's idea of a living Nightmare,

Why doesn't he have carpets fitted in his place flat ?
Like you suggested here on @Potentialneighboursfromhell Thread,

I feel real sorry for your brother,
I have had Crap neighbours myself,

As well as better ones, who have Good too

Original poster
Potentialneighboursfromhell · 05/04/2023 16:03

glas house · 05/04/2023 15:49

Dont forget there are grants that you can apply for as your child has autism. You could apply for help with soft flooring. Im not sure of the name as im in wales so its probably different but a quick Google search of whats available in your area or ask the national autistic society should give you options. Enjoy your new home.

Family fund! That's a great idea. I haven't used the scheme before but school did remind me about it recently.

I will definitely enquirie about a grant for carpeting the one big living/dining room (where almost all of the noise will come from)

OP posts:
Tulipvase · 05/04/2023 16:04

I would be very surprised if the lease doesn’t stipulate that wooden/laminate flooring isn’t allowed (certainly first floor and above). That puts the onus on the owner to put carpet down.

Nsky62 · 05/04/2023 16:06

Folk want peace and quiet, I had noisy neighbours, a couple next door banging doors,I used to work shifts and started work at 5 am,.and got up at 4.30am
i did tell them I could ring their doorbell then, as they used to slam doors at 8am on my day off, my dear departed cat and I just wanted peace.
As my new cat and I want, paid good money to buy here, esp in a 1 bed terrace, hardly noisy family homes.
i too would be annoyed be noise, drives folk to move too

Original poster
Potentialneighboursfromhell · 05/04/2023 16:06

3littlebeans · 05/04/2023 16:02

Well are you surprised? I'm not really if he suddenly heard a lot of commotion and wanted to see wtf was going on!

Yes I absolutely am surprised.

It wouldn't occur to me to go and knock on the door. I'd assume the flat had been let and somebody was moving in.

I might come out into the hall and say hello / introduce myself but I wouldn't dream of going and complaining about noise before I'd even met them.

OP posts:
Postapocalypticcowgirl · 05/04/2023 16:08

JKTrolling · 05/04/2023 15:36

This isn’t your problem. It’s your neighbours. If he comes back don’t apologise, just tell him why there is noise and leave it at that.

Keep a recorded of the dates and times he knocks on your door. Report to the police if needed.

Report to the police because he has knocked on her door and spoken in casual way about the noise?

I really think that's the opposite of what OP needs to do, because a) they're unlikely to be interested, but b) if they are it will really escalate things.

In a private rental OP is vulnerable- if the neighbour makes enough complaints to her landlord, she may end up with a section 21 (particularly if the landlord doesn't want to have to declare a neighbour dispute should they ever sell the property)- and then she'll have to move again at short notice which it sounds like she can't afford.

OP, I'm sympathetic, but you do need to at least try and keep the peace, unfortunately.

Original poster
Potentialneighboursfromhell · 05/04/2023 16:08

Tulipvase · 05/04/2023 16:04

I would be very surprised if the lease doesn’t stipulate that wooden/laminate flooring isn’t allowed (certainly first floor and above). That puts the onus on the owner to put carpet down.

I'm not sure as I don't have my tenancy agreement yet. I'll get that next week. The landlady works two jobs back to back and is rushed off her feet at the moment but was happy to let me have the keys. The flat was her home and the only property she has/lets.

OP posts:
Yorkyyorkyork · 05/04/2023 16:09

I once had upstairs neighbours in their 60s who would open their windows and have loud, very loud sex for hours at night

In the day, she would purposely hose her flowers down on the balcony knowing I was sitting there reading a book.

She was very posh and called me rough. Even though I was just a 20 something working in the City. 😳

Would much rather have daytime kids noise than all night sex noises!