The neighbours are going to hate us

[Potentialneighboursfromhell]

I've just signed for the keys for a flat for me and my DC, it's on the first floor of a small block. There are 8 or 10 flats in total.

I wasn't in a position to hang about hoping something on a ground level came up.

I have 3 DC one of which has autism and adhd.

I came to the new property today to drop off a few bits ahead of the big move next week. The kids were excited, running around.

A downstairs neighbour came up to see if everything was OK and what all the noise was (it was the kids running around - this being the first time they had seen the place and they were excited)

I explained and apologised, the neighbour was fine but I got a sinking feeling as soon as I closed the door. My children are going to drive that poor man and his family mad. DS especially. He shouts, screams, bangs - due to his disability. It can't be controlled not for want of trying. Lord knows it drives me round the bend too.

I've been treading on egg shells the rest of the time we've been here. Telling the kids to "shh" and be quiet, take your shoes off so they don't hear you walking about, lower your voices, don't do this don't do that.

It's going to be hell for everybody. Kids included.

I've made a mistake haven't I? What the hell am I going to do now 😔

Oh come on, don't drag it on. Drama?

Yes I did speak to two other neighbours. I wanted to know if anybody else felt disturbed by noise from my flat. 3 complaints in 3 weeks and I was practically a nervous wreck.

The husband does seem reasonable and I've said that throughout, it's clear he was only coming because she told him to.

I didn't get off on the wrong foot with anybody. I've been nothing but polite and apologetic to the downstairs neighbours.

Thank you other posters :)

I was hoping that would be the end of it but she's now taken to playing loud music at gone 11.30pm when her son is at his grandparents, keeping me awake.

I don't think was partying last night, nobody else was in there with her last night that i could hear so it seems like it's a deliberate "fuck you" in response to my letter mentioning daytime hours until 11pm.

There's a popular song on tiktok at the moment with the words "smoke banga" aka cannabis and she's playing it through a speaker, very loudly, on repeat 10+ times underneath my bedroom.

The last time that happened, a few days ago, the man was in there with her and they were arguing about hitting one another.

I can't believe I was so worried about my kids making noise when this is what we are living above. Unbelievable.

OP she's deliberately harassing you it seems to me. I know you will want to tread carefully but please record everything because if it gets really intolerable you will want and need to act and if you have all the details it will be easier for you. She has just - for whatever reason - decided to not be a welcoming good neighbour but to give you a hard time, and now she's straying into deliberate aggression and her dope habit is clouding her judgement so she probably feels quite justified. These are the cases where ultimately appealing to a higher authority will be all you can do, unless she calms down or her partner, who doesn't sound so bad, reins her in. You have all my sympathy.

Thank you that's a really good idea, I'll start writing everything down now with dates and times.

I can't quite believe that this is the turn it has taken. It's crazy making.

My children's dad is friendly with the man so I'll ask him to try and keep him on side. He has said multiple times that he isn't disturbed by our noise and is only coming up because she tells him to. It turns out that he doesn't actually live there full time. He's predominantly at his parents house where he takes their child on the weekend.

I've only ever been polite and amenable, making just one request that they don't smoke the cannabis under my window when it's open and now the smell is now worse than ever. Instead of just in the evening it's morning noon and night. Whenever she's in.

I've already sent an email to the property management company mentioning the smell and asking that they give residents a reminder about smoke in general (no smoking allowed inside at all) but I opted not to name that flat personally as I didn't want to get them into trouble. What a mug.

With regards to the carpet, surely that is the responsibility of the flat owner?

I used to own a flat and it was written into the lease (1980s purpose built private flats) that any flat above ground floor was prohibited from having wooden/laminate flooring. This seems to be a fairly standard clause . Of course people did but there would be grounds to make a complaint to the managing company/your landlord and to get it replaced with carpet.

There's nothing in my tenancy about the flooring but I have spoken to my landlady about carpets and she's happy for me to install some at my cost. I'm actually waiting to hear back from Family Fund as I'd already contacted them about a grant for carpets, so even whilst downstairs is being an absolute arse I'm still trying to get on top of any noise in here.

I've just emailed the property management company and explained in detail the problems I'm having with her along with a timeline of dates and times.

But it’s nothing to do with your tenancy.

It’s to do with the lease between the freeholder (who owns the land the flats are on) and leaseholder (whoever owns that flat). The management company should be assuring those obligations are met.

Of course there may not be that particular clause in the lease but I think you should at least ask the question. This may not be the case if you don’t live in England.

I'll definitely ask. Thank you!

I agree with @Tulipvase that it should not be your responsibility to soundproof the flat. That's why they're suggesting checking the terms for the block, not your tenancy.

I would push this back on them. What happens if you carpet the flat then you get notice and have to leave. Total waste of your money.

I'm reluctant to put too much pressure on the landlady at the minute as she's not in good health and I get the impression she doesn't have alot of money.

It's a bit of a balancing act trying to keep everybody happy, obviously neighbour down below can't be reasoned with but I'm hoping that being on good terms with my landlady will work in my favour if the neighbour does go down the official route.

I wouldn't carpet the flat. Buy those interlocking foam pieces and cover the flat with those nad you can put area rugs on top of them. You can buy ones that are intended for sound proofing, others more for insulation. They will also muffle the music from below. They work much better at sound proofing than carpet and are much cheaper and can easily be replaced if one gets torn or damaged or too dirty.

If you go onto amazon and search foam sound proofing you will see the many options. You can also get foam floor mats that are similar and a bit cheaper but not as good for sound proofing. They aren't that expensive at all....especially not compared to carpet.

I've got some things like that saved in my bookmarks, I'll go ahead and get some of those whilst i wait to see what Family Fund say about the carpet grant. Thank you

Hi OP

Best of luck with the interlocking tiles
Can you let me know how they look and if it was easy (I am useless at DIY) as I am thinking of some myself for my hallway..

Thank you and of course

https://amzn.eu/d/aLCMtX3

I've just ordered those ones. 27.99 for a pack of 24 which should make a dent in the living room floor space 🤞

It's not a particularly large room fortunately.

I plan to get some for the kids bedrooms too but as they're in the living room the vast majority of the time it makes sense to start with this room.

Great stuff,

I think it was fairly obvious the letter was going to go down like a sack of shit, but hey there’s nothing like ‘supportive’ people on MN to work you up into a self righteous frenzy and make your life more difficult 👍

Shouldn't a landlord provide carpets? It's only council you have to lay carpets down? Sorry but this doesn't sound right. When you private rent you see what you're getting. I would have waited. I'm a mum and ASD mum and the noise is difficult and we needed a garden to let off steam. Can you not wait little longer, be worth it.

No I couldn't wait any longer. Gardens are an unobtainable luxury for many working class people around here.

I saw what I was getting and was happy with it.

I stand by the letter I sent. I couldn't apologise enough for the noise, explained why it happens and welcomed the neighbours to work with me so that we can all get along. I don't think asking them to stop banging on my door was self righteous.

I don't think the letter makes any difference to the fact they're anti social weed smokers who stink the flats out and hit one another on the weekend, that's all on them.

That letter was incredibly polite. If that worked them up to this, it’s because they’ve decided to be fuckers. End of.

What else were you supposed to do? Sit there bricking it every night? You adulted. They declined to do the same.

How dare the OP be an adult and deal with the problem head-on! She should just continue to take the abuse that people like the below neighbor dishes out and be meek and mild.

I think you can take your false sense of righteous superiority and put it away where it belongs.

please don’t take this the wrong way . I really don’t think a child with autism in an apartment ever going to work so bear that in mind for your children’s sake , you will learn this as he grows , sometimes having SEND child means a complete change in our lifestyles . If you have no alternative for a while then please stop peddling to your neighbors. You do not owe them total silent and the more you apologise and explain the more they will demand and the more stressed you will feel hun . Hugs