The neighbours are going to hate us

[Potentialneighboursfromhell]

I've just signed for the keys for a flat for me and my DC, it's on the first floor of a small block. There are 8 or 10 flats in total.

I wasn't in a position to hang about hoping something on a ground level came up.

I have 3 DC one of which has autism and adhd.

I came to the new property today to drop off a few bits ahead of the big move next week. The kids were excited, running around.

A downstairs neighbour came up to see if everything was OK and what all the noise was (it was the kids running around - this being the first time they had seen the place and they were excited)

I explained and apologised, the neighbour was fine but I got a sinking feeling as soon as I closed the door. My children are going to drive that poor man and his family mad. DS especially. He shouts, screams, bangs - due to his disability. It can't be controlled not for want of trying. Lord knows it drives me round the bend too.

I've been treading on egg shells the rest of the time we've been here. Telling the kids to "shh" and be quiet, take your shoes off so they don't hear you walking about, lower your voices, don't do this don't do that.

It's going to be hell for everybody. Kids included.

I've made a mistake haven't I? What the hell am I going to do now 😔

I don’t think knocking 3 times constitutes as harassment or the police would be overwhelmed with calls about neighbours.

@Plaidparty

Not saying report to police, report to landlord or housing association.
A brief phone call followed up by email would suffice. It's not the fact that they have knocked 3 times they are trying to dictate to op what time she lives her life. "I told you no noise after 8pm" who the fuck does she think she is. I live in Council flats and hear my upstairs neigbours toddler running and banging about all the time and I don't complain because its par for the course living in a ground floor flat! Neighbour can't expect everyone to tiptoe around she can tell OP is really upset over it and is trying her best. If Neighbour wants to go live in silence they should go buy a house in middle of nowhere.

Just because somebody is coping with a lot, it doesn’t mean they are not coping. OP sounds to me like one of life’s heroes to be honest.

Agree. And what kind of magical solution are they envisioning? For many of us, parenting a child with autism will always be hard work, no matter how well we are generally coping. The last thing we need is extra stress. 🙄

Just because somebody is coping with a lot, it doesn’t mean they are not coping.

This, 1000 times over with bells on.

Thank you so much.

For many of us, parenting a child with autism will always be hard work, no matter how well we are generally coping. The last thing we need is extra stress.

Also this!

Interference from social services (when uninvited) is the worst kind of pressure that decent people do not need. A report to them is what I'm expecting from DSNFH (love that btw) and is exactly why I've got in there first and made a complaint to the property management about smoking weed outside my kitchen and filling my flat with the stench.

Any report she's likely to make will be taken with a pinch of salt and marked down as malicious as I have actual evidence to prove she's being a nuisance.

knocking three times isn't harassment

Three or more attempts of unwanted contact is harassment. She isn't knocking with reasonable requests, she's being confrontational. She has now been told, in writing, not to come to my flat again. If she does, then that most definitely is harassment.

3 times when I've lived here 3 weeks is ridiculous when you think about it. Who on earth does that when somebody is moving in? If you remember in my OP she sent her partner up when I popped round with some stuff one week before moving in just because she heard the kids in here excitedly running around their new home for the first time

That is what you call a nightmare neighbour, not me.

I'd rather have a family with SN needs children above me than a weirdo like that who makes the place stink of B.O from weed.

She's got a fucking cheek to complain about noise when she's inflicting the stench of weed on everyone. Honestly op don't give it another seconds thought and next time they knock just be a bit more blunt with them. Dickheads like this sense weakness and if you give an inch they will take a mile. It's Council flats. Everyone in council flats is used to screaming toddlers and she's lucky it's just that and not all night parties. You've done your best to minimise the noise now forget about it and I would send a brief email to the HA.
Also over the front door slamming my old upstairs neighbour had a door like that and due to working away was coming and going at odd hours and doing washing at odd hours. Didn't bother me. Again let me re iterate if neighbours want to live in silence they should BUY THEIR OWN HOME. Do they do anything other than sit at home smoking weed all day?

She works for the NHS in some capacity believe it or not. She had a NHS lanyard on when she came up the first time although no uniform per se so it may be an admin role.

I know NHS workers are only human like the rest of us but at the very least you'd expect somebody handling sensitive information to have a shred of decency about them 😬

Hosepipe attached to kitchen sink. On the jet setting, just point it upwards out the window. Joint extinguished. Yes ok person smoking it will get sprayed in the face but you're dealing with knobheads. They're like cats. Twatty little dictators. Can't be reasoned with so just spray them with water and shoo them on their way.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Thank you for letting me know that she had read it. You have bent over backward to be nice and now it's time to just enjoy your new place with your DC. Don't worry about the TV, the toilet flushing or your DC making some noise. Children make noise.

You are obviously an excellent and caring mother/person. Don't give the downstairs witch another thought.

Wishing you all the best! 🙂💯🌻

LOVED your rant! You put it much better and nicer than I could.

I admire the OP so much! A loving and caring Mom, who is going above and beyond to make it better for downstairs neighbors who don't deserve the kindness.

Is the DSNFH the one smoking weed? Oh, please let it be them.

OP--I hope today is extra wonderful for you and your DC!

Layers of cardboard underneath rugs make a surprisingly big difference to noise levels.

It's 100% her/her partner smoking weed underneath my kitchen window yes. I quietly looked over when the smell started and one of them had their arm hanging out of their kitchen window with a joint.

It's complete malice at this point as I said to the man to please not smoke it underneath my window when it's open as my brain aneurysm causes migraine and the smell, when in my flat, leads to a headache that I cannot shift. Imagine being that nasty.

Thank you so much for the kind words and support on the thread after it began to turn into a pile on. I really appreciate it ❤️

They really are behaving appallingly. But I suppose the upside is hopefully you won't feel like you're treading on eggshells so much about noise now when you know they don't deserve any consideration.

What do you know about your landlord, do they have any other properties? I'm wondering whether it's worth having a frank conversation with them about how awful your downstairs neighbours are, and asking whether if another suitable property of theirs became available would they consider you cutting your tenancy short where you are and starting a new one? This might not be good advice, I don't know, I know it's a balance as a tenant to not come across as being problematic. What do other posters think

Jeezo OP. This has escalated since I last read the thread.

I feel sorry for you. I think I may have been a bit harsh in my original message to you about not considering the impact on others prior to moving in. Whilst this still stands, these people are awful and just nasty. Go about your day to day life and ignore as much as possible

I think you need a small plant in your home. That needs to be hung out of the window to be watered at a certain time when a certain some neighbor does a certain thing. I mean, a little water is good for plants. Another time might be a good time to spray clean your windows with vinegar and water. It's very important to have clean windows you know. 😇

I would much rather noisy upstairs or next door neighbours than people smoking weed!

What do they actually expect, upstairs neighbours to float around or use wire pulleys?!

They sound awful, sorry @Potentialneighboursfromhell just try to ignore them. Get a peep hole for your door and don’t answer!

I’m sure weed also makes noises seem louder….

I fucking HATE the smell of weed. Absolutely fucking ignore them now. Have your TV on at normal volume in the evening and don't worry about going to the toilet. What a cheek they have to complain when they are being so anti social themselves.

How about having a quiet word with your landlord and say that their drug use is affecting your son and your own health and any chance of moving…you can only ask.

@MinnieGirl
She isn't a council tenant. She's renting privately. Rehoming her has nothing to do with her landlord.

Really odd development and hopefully closure!

My ex was coming to get the kids this afternoon and bumped into the man in the car park, DSNFH's partner / husband. They've crossed paths a few times and always been friendly. The impression ex got from him has always been that he's a nice bloke. Anyway..

Bloke asked my ex if he knew what the letter was about. Ex explained it's my response to the continued complaints. Bloke said he was surprised about the letter as he thought it was over and done with after he complained for his Mrs the other day. Ex told him it wasn't me prolonging the incident but preparing for the next one. Bloke said the way the letter read was as though I couldn't do anything in my flat. Ex said yes that's how she feels. Bloke says that definitely shouldn't be the case, they didn't mean to make anyone feel like that 🙄 (FWIW I don't think the bloke himself did - his Mrs though...)

So bloke then admits to smoking weed out of the window, saying he only has one of an evening. Ex says please just don't do it out of the window when my window is open as its making the flat stink. Bloke says he understands and he won't. Bloke reiterates not wanting me to feel uncomfortable in my own home, that they only ever wanted me to try and keep noise to a minimum after 8.30 as their son goes to bed (it's gone from needing to be quiet from 8pm, to 7pm now to 8.30 lol)

Ex says of course and that I've been trying to do that continuously, trying to be as accommodating as I can.

Bloke then extends an invitation for Ex to "have a smoke with him" sometime which I did find funny as my Ex is as straight edge as they come and has never had a joint in his life.

Bloke says to ex if there's ever any problems then I can just go down and give them a knock.

Wait.. what??? 😂

its not me with the problem! So now i think, that they think, that I'M the moaning neighbour 🤦🏼‍♀️

Its a bit gaslighty isnt it? Anyhow..

I think the letter did the job.. very well! Shout out to the mumsnetter upthread who helped me to re word it so diplomatically. Thank you so much! I'll be very surprised If I get any complaints again anytime soon.

So the husband seems perfectly reasonable, you’ve already spoken with two other neighbours about your downstairs neighbour, sent a long diatribe of a letter, and admittedly didn’t give any thoughts to moving your child with uncontrollable outbursts into a first floor flat.

I must admit I’m squarely on the side of the neighbour. You came in, got off on the wrong foot and disturbed the peace of preexisting residents, and now seem to be stirring up drama in the building because your lower neighbours aren’t accepting that a child thrashing and throwing and screaming on a regular basis falls into the definition of regular, expected noise they should have to put up with. They aren’t deaf or saints.

Very irritating that they only seem to back down in front of your ex – sounds quite misogynistic, but if it does the trick so be it.
OP, I hope you manage to start enjoying your new flat and that your unreasonable sounding neighbours start behaving! Don't take any more nonsense from them! Good luck :)

I can only imagine that it's feeling like a "Who's on First" comedy routine at this point, just an unfunny one.

As the other poster said, sounds a bit misogynistic the way he was so polite to your Ex, but a step is a step.

I hope that now, you and your children get to enjoy your new home. You all certainly deserve it.