My day versus his day

[Spiderplantweb]

My day-
alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds
9:00 start work at my £85k a year job.
12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch.
1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery.
6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen.
8:00 we sit down to watch tv

his day

7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15.
8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work
9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves
17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out.
1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready
1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV.

Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

I have...unlike half of mn, I always read all the OPs posts first. Perhaps you should've read my post before that one.

The point is, he isn't going to help full stop whether there are children or not. Male expectations of the woman doing everything.

Your further updates are more illuminating. You want to end it and have taken the first steps. The pair of you have just got into a rut and he obviously wants an easy life, which you have facilitated.
Good luck.

10.42 my husband is lazy

11.39 I have put the wheels in motion to divorce him

Youre right and I don't know why you're getting so many nasty comments - you can bet your bottom dollar if you hadn't mentioned salaries someone would have come on assuming you were the lower earner so it's only right that you do the bulk of the housework <eyeroll>

Does he know how close he is to the end of your rope? Not that it really matters tbh

I think some negative posters are jealous of your salary.

How onerous your day is or not isn't really relevant (and not sure why some posters think it is)- it's the lack of your partner's contribution to your joint lifestyle (the full picture not just salaries).

I agree- I'd resent being the only adult in the household.

You are not at all unreasonable to leave him. Falling out of love with him because he does not pull his weight is not unreasonable. Possibly, a bit unreasonable had you not tried to sort it out first, but you say you have. You are not unreasonable to leave this relationship it it’s making you unhappy; provided you treat him decently and fairly whilst leaving. And there is no indication you would do otherwise from your OP.

Referencing the differences in your salaries is what has got people’s backs up. That probably was not necessary. Your day does not sound overly arduous. The real issue is you aren’t happy and do not love him any longer. Absolutely leave the relationship as swiftly and cleanly and decently as you can.

😂😂😂 oh give over

It’s proven in a study that the more women earn (out earning partner) the more housework they do. Salary is very relevant.

Get rid OP

Most 9-5 (or 5.30 in my case) office or wfh based jobs have an hour lunch.

Not unusual unless NHS really, as all my jobs, office or not, have had an hour lunch and 15 minutes per 4 hours break.

@DannyZukosSmile what a weird thing to take issue with - plenty of high earners have time to piss about on the internet - my friend who is on 100k regularly sends me tik toks during the day! It isn't hard to post and flick through a forum 😂

Personally I've always aimed for dh and I to earn as equally as possible

Just out of interest, how do you make this happen? Do you both own a business otherwise how do you manage to control his salary?

I'm quite jealous of your day!

OP this sounds like a similar split in our household (no kids, 2 dogs).

However DH is the higher earner by about 40% and we both WFH.

My job allows me the time to get chores done in the day, his really doesn't. He's aware that's a huge part of the reason the split is as it is. And even so, I only cook 5 days a week. Instead of cooking he takes us out once a week and orders in once a week.

Yours is very unbalanced.

@Spiderplantweb

Some jealous people online today.

It's not fair, he's lazy and freeloading off of you and it's hard to feel loved and supported when that is happening.

Give yourself permission to split. It's not your job to keep him in the lifestyle to which he is accustomed.

Onwards and upwards for you.

You've got no kids, you can leave him any time without a second thought. No idea why you wouldn't.

Well yes ditch him but it’s a shame you put up with this and let him get away with doing naff all for years so that this is the only way out.

I have no idea why you would cook for him and then clear up afterwards??

Yes, you are a mug. So talk to him!! Come up with a fair division of labour.

But it's not out of his reach, is it? As the bills are being paid.

You rightly have to contribute more to the bills as you earn significantly more. He's wrong for wanting to go part time, but in ratio, you will have to put more towards bills.

If you split them 50/50 then he won't have any income left and you will be left with lots. Then you'll have to fund him in other areas.

Simply ask him to do more. Communicate. But your life seems pretty good to me. Your dogs don't need 3 walks a day. You haven't mentioned shaving children so I don't know how many beds you're making.

You don't sound like you particularly like the guy tbh. He's only not doing a lot because you're letting him and you're doing everything.

Split the housework.
Split the dog walks.
Take out irrelevant things like food shopping and putting the kettle on 😂 I wouldn't class putting the kettle on as a big job really. And let's be honest, you don't do the food shop delivery everyday. And pay bills everyday. If you're paying bills every single day then I would really recommend looking on where you can cut back. Have all your bills come out via DD the day after you both get paid. Then there's no need for you to pay bills every lunch break.

Your set up sounds ideal tbh. It'll be even more ideal if you stop doing everything and give some of the load to your other half.

No one's being bitches. You just added a load of waffle to your post and then drip fed when people questioned your quite idea day.

You clearly don't know anyone in that income bracket.

I found that more I made, the less I actually do but what I do has a bigger impact.

Stop doing everything. Don’t cook for him. Ash him to take the dogs out at 6 and say you’re not coming this time as you have things to do. You’ve just enabled all this behaviour.

Ignore me I've just seen your last post.

Leave then.

But really, if you just had a conversation like the pair of adults you are, it didn't need to get to this stage.
You've let it get this far by bit addressing it sooner. He absolutely needed to do more, but I feel a bit sorry for the guy tbh if you're moaning about putting a kettle on.

Busyness is relative. For those mocking the op - perhaps she is child free by choice and her pace of life is the right level of busyness for her. She has a stressor in her life which is her dp not pulling his weight at all and getting much more down time. Who cares if her down time is more than yours? In a relationship it should be balanced and it's not.

You don't sound happy op. If he's not the man for you that's fine. Move on. It sounds like it would be for the best. You don't want to get saddled with him if you do decide to have children. He'll probably become that 'stay at home dad' who in fact still leaves nights wake ups, meals, housework for you and walks out the door for his hobby as soon as you walk in.

Disclaimer, I know a few stay at home dads and they pull their weight so I'm not talking about all men...

You’re not wrong OP, he’s taking the piss. Ignore the women telling you how lucky you are because their lives are harder, like that’s any excuse for this useless ballbag to sit around on his arse whilst you do all of the housework.

Factoring in shaving children into my day really takes up the time, hairy little devils 😆🪒