My day versus his day

[Spiderplantweb]

My day-
alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds
9:00 start work at my £85k a year job.
12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch.
1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery.
6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen.
8:00 we sit down to watch tv

his day

7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15.
8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work
9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves
17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out.
1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready
1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV.

Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

@Spiderplantweb maybe mercury is in retrograde or some folks have had shitty coffee today! Anyways - glad to hear you have a plan in place to leave the manchild. This sort of stuff sneaks up on us and becomes a norm until we have the ephinany moment of what a wastrel some of these partners are. Good luck 👍🏻

Gosh, if I earned that much more than my DH I would want to be pay the majority of the bills.

I'm lucky though because even though my DH does more hours than me WFH, he does all the cooking, we share the cleaning and he helps out massively with my DD (she's his DSD) as my shifts only allow me to pick up my DD from school twice a week. (DH does 2 and DDs dad does the other one.)

So I think you are being taken for a mug but things will only change if you talk to him about it.

This is your answer, he needs to shape up or ship out!

Good for you @Spiderplantweb

I was in this exact scenario. I was the main earner. Paid 90% of the bills, all the cleaning, tidying, domestic load, admin tasks. It got to the stage where my ex DP didn't even bother to walk the dog even though he was home all day (worked backshifts).

Like you, the resentment built up over the years and I eventually left.

I'm much, much happier now. He, of course, was "shocked and blindsided" (even though I told him countless times that I was unhappy, he had to pull his weight, he had to start paying his way). He's now, at 40yrs old, back living with mummy with no inclination to move out.

😂 Oooops, @Ursualesther caught you out there @Spiderplantweb

Hopefully he as at least a good shag!

Honestly OP, what do you want MN to say? dh would probably be like this if I was daft enough to wait on him hand and foot. I would probably be the same if dh was daft enough to wait on me hand and foot!!!

How did you get here? Has he always been like this or has something changed?

Yeah I don’t earn anywhere near that but have a number of big earners in my family/ friendship circle and they all do their fair share of internet pissing about as well as managing to fit personal appointments, exercise etc into their working day. It’s a level of responsibility thing (and with that often comes more freedom and flexibility - not always but often).

Poor fucker-I hope he finds a way out soon.

Really? That’s the conclusion reached from OP’s posts? Bloody hell.

Yes he’s a lazy twat OP - you’ve tried to get him to step up and it hasn’t worked,

Now what are you going to do about it? I’d Chuck him out and enjoy my £85k to myself - what does he bring to the relationship?

Unless he has a golden penis and you want to keep him for sex I’d do without!

@TheCatterall

......maybe mercury is in retrograde or some folks have had shitty coffee today!

What does that even mean? 😂

I’ll have the dogs with me

so they’re your dogs

Sounds like a pretty shit day which is ruled by some dogs

Not sure why people have them

That made me laugh, too!

I get you, OP. He's a lazy freeloader. You'll be happier without.

I find that relationships with large income disparities aren't worth it. The lower earner always gets complacent riding on your higher wages.

You are definitely being a gigantic mug. I had one of those Hs and life is WAY easier without his lazy pisstaking arse!

Sorry just seen your later posts:

I have spoken with a solicitor and things are underway for me to leave.

Good.

Of course yanbu to divorce him - why would you take the opinion of a load of randoms on MN versus how YOU feel?

it is one of the joys of WFH. You get to do more household chores and dog walks etc.

He gets out the bed and op goes up and makes it, it’s in the first post.

Whilst some of your examples are pretty nit picky, you describe it as you are the only person doing the cleaning, cooking and washing up. He sounds like a waste of space.

If the dogs are yours then they should be yours to walk but that doesn't explain why he isn't cooking, cleaning or doing the dishes.

Glad you're working to get rid.

I believe the term for this setup is cocklodging.

I'm guessing if OP is putting the kettle on, then he is expecting a drink as well.

All these seemingly small jobs add up to OP doing nearly everything.

People are being deliberately obtuse on this thread.

Your job is wfh, so you have no commute and can fit in dog walking, internet browsing etc.
Is his day a bit more demanding? eg on his feet all day, demands full attention, no internet browsing, down time etc?
If so, there's a marked difference there.

You get a whole hour lunch! I'm impressed

Mercury in retrograde

Nothing changes unless something changes op

Who is sleeping in the other bed that you are making?