My day versus his day

[Spiderplantweb]

My day-
alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds
9:00 start work at my £85k a year job.
12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch.
1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery.
6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen.
8:00 we sit down to watch tv

his day

7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15.
8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work
9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves
17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out.
1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready
1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV.

Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

You life hardly seems tough, it is really the just 2 childless people pottering about their day

Doesn't mean that one of those childfree people gets to sit around and do absolutely nothing while the other person "potters" around and manages to complete all the household tasks which need doing.
There's obviously no comparison between the amount of work a couple with children have compared to a childfree couple (unless for example the childfree couple have other major responsibilities such as aging parents etc). Children produce way more laundry for a start, more rooms in use to clean and tidy, spending time with the children and so on and so forth.
But as a childfree couple there is still work to be done and that should be shared - not one person sitting on their fucking arse letting the other person make a nice life for them.

This is why I've stopped bothering with men(no, I didn't get with a woman either). Had 2 DH. One, he was the high earner, the other I was the high earner by far. Both thought the moment we said I do, they suddenly became exempt from any and all housework, wifework, childcare and it was all to be my responsibility and that my life should revolve completely around theirs.

No matter what the situation is, men always feel entitled to women's free labor.

You don't like him anymore, he's become a burden, you know what to do.

This.

If he can't support with no children, he won't support with children.

I can’t believe there are so many people here who think because the op has a good salary and no children she deserves to be unhappy and taken advantage of. Apparently because they’re ‘2 minute jobs’ she should just do them all and her husband doesn’t have to take on any of them or despite them being so easy so I’m not sure why he couldn’t cope with them.

There’s another thread running which says women should have high bars and be careful who they have children with but apparently not many posters are on both as on here op should just accept it.

Can I also point out people may want to rein in their bitter rants at posters they know about five facts about before hiding them to spend all day ‘pottering about’ as you have no idea of the entirety of what is happening in an OPs life. For one thing I feel awful for any people on here who are infertile.

Nope. No £85K a year job would mean you can piss around on the internet posting on bloody message forums! Get real!

OP I think you are making the right decision to leave, don't let this thread undermine you

I think the problem is that you presented your question in terms of your daily lives, which as you see most people don't see as that onerous, especially if the dogs are yours and your responsibility

If you had posted saying your DP does absolutely nothing around the house, despite working the same hours and you paying for the bulk of things, then you probably would have had unanimous support

This is all a moot point. The OP has started the ball rolling to leave her DH, since she started the thread. Read all of the OP's posts!!!

I'm so glad you are leaving!

The kicker for me was he was going to go part time because you could afford it! He cannot!

He will probably push back with this. I would! What a lovely lifestyle!

It’s not really about who earns more, even though you state how much. ( although I think that’s exactly what this is about as you have bothered to state how much )
It’s should be about sharing.
Hes not sharing.
Youve made the decision to leave but I’m confused.
I realise on his salary he won’t be able to afford as much as you but you will both share what’s left after you sell the property. I wouldn’t then concern myself with his situation if he’s been given an opportunity to change his lazy ways.

He should share the cooking and cleaning. He shouldn’t be expected to change jobs because you think he should earn the same ( ish ) as you. That’s not a loving relationship.

It does sound like he is coasting and has got into the habit of you doing majority of the house work etc.

If you are not happy anyway then it sounds like you have done the right thing in making plans to leave. You will be in much the same position anyway and only yourself to take of.

Now you've clarified that the dogs are yours, I think that makes a difference, in that it's reasonable for you to take on all dog related activities.

Here's your respective days with the dog bits removed:

My day-
alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, get up and ready, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds
9:00 start work at my £85k a year job.
12:30 have lunch and do around 30 minutes of household related tasks
1:30 get back to work.
6:00 he comes home, we go for a walk. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen.
8:00 we sit down to watch tv

his day

8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work
9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves
6:00 comes back home, we go for a walk, and he then watches TV until
1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV.

Whilst there's still a disparity and I'd expect the dinner cooking and miscellaneous jobs to more evenly split, it's not as bad as presented by OP.

Sorry but your salaries aren’t relevant, regardless of whether you pay the majority of bills or not. You lead a very cushy lifestyle where you wfh. Take it up with your partner, not mumsnet!

Trade him in for someone who earns a similar salary to you and isn't a lazy arse then enjoy spending your days planning how to enjoy your large amount of disposable income.

I mean, am surrounded by people on 40-100K salaries and there is regular internet browsing.

Agog at the mentality of some responses here, so just because OPs day isn’t as awful as yours/the worst possible case scenario, she shouldn’t feel taken advantage of? This is like that Monty Python sketch about the Four Yorkshiremen. So much for women supporting women eh?

@SwishSwishBisch

So, because someone also has a vagina, the rest of us 'wimmin' are meant to blithely just support them, no matter how ludicrous or utterly batshit what they are saying is? LOL jog on. I am 'agog' at you even suggesting this. AGOG I tellz ya!

I’m actually concerned anyone can think someone has a cushy lifestyle when they’re in a relationship where being taken advantage of has caused them to be unhappy and resentment to build up. It sounds bloody horrible to me and not at all cushy or something I would choose for myself/my daughter/my sister/my best friend.

YANBU
leave him you will be happier on your own

Good luck!

For 85k a year your day sounds bloody lovely

I think bringing money into it was a bad move - it shouldn't ever be about who earns more, it should be about equal free time.

In that sense your husband is taking the absolute piss though, and I can totally see why you have fallen out of love with him. It's the fundamental disrespect of someone who thinks it's perfectly OK to leave all the scut work around the house to the other person while he swans around having a leisurely time. That is never acceptable.

You don't seem to have children in the mix, so walk away.

Then yes, he is taking the piss. I’d get rid.

Possibly a little bit of internet browsing. Not posting multiple dozens of posts on a message forum though.

YANBU, not sure why you got such snarky responses or why people think because you earn more you should be happy to clean and cook for him. MN is a strange old place.

Are you married?

Dump him now before you have kids or have yo give him more assets.

I think some of the things on the list you’re either padding out a bit or they’re issues that need sorting by you eg I’m getting the feeling you aren’t happy in your job but unfortunately that’s something for you to sort yourself, that’s not his fault.
That being said, it is unbalanced. Whoever cooks shouldn’t be the one cleaning up. Whoever is out of bed last should be making the bed. None of that matters though if you’ve already spoken to him and he refuses to change. Your only options at that point are, frankly, to put up or get rid.

Go upstairs make beds

another golden nugget

surely only one bed to make
and isn’t he still in it?

😂

He’s talking about going part time because we’re comfortably off.

Huge alarms bells here. OP, you are definitely not being unreasonable, a relationship should be a partnership where both feel valued. You do not feel valued - you feel taken advantage of - and that is fair enough. It does not matter how busy or not your day is, you feel unappreciated because your partner makes no effort whatsoever. It sounds utter rubbish and you deserve better.