Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My day versus his day

1000 replies

Spiderplantweb · 05/04/2023 10:42

My day-
alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds
9:00 start work at my £85k a year job.
12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch.
1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery.
6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen.
8:00 we sit down to watch tv

his day

7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15.
8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work
9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves
17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out.
1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready
1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV.

Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

OP posts:
SezFrankly · 08/04/2023 09:18

“So my worry is I am going to leave him and all our friends are going to see him being left in a very different position to the one they are used to. Him insisting on buy rounds for everyone in the pub, going on lots of stag dos and weekends away- he simply won’t be able to afford it. I don’t want to lose my friends when I end up looking like the bad guy.”

Hopefully they’ll see how happy he was to spend your money to make himself look good and support your decision. Otherwise, they’re not your mates.

youshouldnthaveasked · 08/04/2023 09:23

You’re not doing much compared to what I do, and probably many others. Your day sounds pretty leisurely to me.

don’t have kids, then you will have grounds for complaint

Sisterweb · 08/04/2023 09:29

Wow…. I’m not a MN user, but for some reason, this came up on my FB page and I read it.

Now I know why I don’t and won’t use MN!! You women are scary.

Someone here did mention what happened to women supporting women?!!

Most of what this woman has received from you here is harsh, somewhat bitter and “ look how tough I am because I don’t complain about my much more difficult life than your’s”!!

It reads like a bunch of cackling witches.

Is this really what MN is about?

We have still not yet as women it seems been able to throw off the cloak of martyrdom. There is still a deeply engrained belief that we have to have it tough. And not complain about it.

“Busy ness” is not a crown to wear.

The OP has had a few supportive, compassionate responses here, but really very few.

But I hope your metaphorical smacking her around the head has made you feel better . 🙄

Good Luck OP. It sounds like you know what is needed here.

Mirabai · 08/04/2023 09:30

Is this really what MN is about?

Hell yeah.

Mirabai · 08/04/2023 09:34

MN is full of women who are far too self-centred to answer questions objectively. They simply relate everything to themselves, attack posters they perceive as having better lives than them, and call other people “narcissists”. You couldn’t make it up.

Quartz2208 · 08/04/2023 09:43

youshouldnthaveasked · 08/04/2023 09:23

You’re not doing much compared to what I do, and probably many others. Your day sounds pretty leisurely to me.

don’t have kids, then you will have grounds for complaint

That spectacularly missing the point. It’s not about how much she does in relation to anyone other than the person who is suppose to be her partner and who shares the load with her.

OP you just need to end this for your sake and for your future hsppiness

youshouldnthaveasked · 08/04/2023 09:48

Quartz2208 · 08/04/2023 09:43

That spectacularly missing the point. It’s not about how much she does in relation to anyone other than the person who is suppose to be her partner and who shares the load with her.

OP you just need to end this for your sake and for your future hsppiness

Show quote history

Sorry, but I was reading it and thinking that’s quite a nice day. 😂

She seems head screwed on and very efficient compared to her partner. She should draw up a list of tasks and speak to her partner

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 08/04/2023 10:11

Have you cancelled the cheque yet OP? 🤦‍♀️

Quartz2208 · 08/04/2023 10:11

youshouldnthaveasked · 08/04/2023 09:48

Sorry, but I was reading it and thinking that’s quite a nice day. 😂

She seems head screwed on and very efficient compared to her partner. She should draw up a list of tasks and speak to her partner

Show quote history

She has it doesn’t work.

i think as well you have glossed over the working hours

Sisterweb · 08/04/2023 10:18

What are people getting out of MN then? I don’t get it!💁

MyrrAgain · 08/04/2023 10:22

The salary difference is important because her higher salary enables his disrespectful behaviour - he has grown accustomed to it and is not behaving as though he is in a respectful partnership. He can only afford his lifestyle and even contemplate going part time because she pays 85% of the mortgage!! He only pays 15% which must leave a lot of disposable income on his 28k salary. He also walks just 10 minutes into work, so no effort or costs there.

Therefore he can afford trips away etc and why bother to work more?! This is all at her expense, however, and he's sitting like a pampered prince not actually contributing in any other way!

Maybe he thinks they'll get married, he'll own half the flat, she'll do everything else cause it's "not important", and happy days.

HamptonCaught · 08/04/2023 10:31

I think the fact you’re engaged but have delayed marrying says it all.
If you had kids with this overgrown schoolboy would you still be able to earn £85k or would you have to go part time or rely on his salary? Your lifestyle would plummet.
Please think of your future children and give them a provider for a dad, not a parasite.

sst1234 · 08/04/2023 10:33

pinkyredrose · 05/04/2023 10:44

Why have you mentioned the amounts you both earn?

Why do you think? Because she is basically funding the household. In the real world, money matters and she’s carrying the mental and physical load.

Mirabai · 08/04/2023 10:49

Sisterweb · 08/04/2023 10:18

What are people getting out of MN then? I don’t get it!💁

In between the twats there are some lovely, intelligent, funny women who make it worth sticking around.

SkyandSurf · 08/04/2023 10:49

All these posters saying 'why have you mentioned salary' as though a partners income is not a relevant consideration in terms of who to marry and build a life with.

What world are we pretending we live in?

Mirabai · 08/04/2023 10:52

What world are we pretending we live in?

One where no-one earns more than those posters because that’s not fair.

Sisterweb · 08/04/2023 10:59

Mirabai, makes sense. 😊

misskatamari · 08/04/2023 11:05

I have read all your posts but not the replies of others, but it seems like you've had lots of YABU. Fuck. That.

He sounds like a lazy cocklodger and i can't believe you've had nasty replies to this.

You don't owe him a relationship. And you don't need any other reason to leave besides "this isn't making me happy any more". Anyone giving you grief for this is unreasonable and lacking in empathy. You aren't happy and you don't love this man. The end. You don't need to convince anyone, you don't owe any explanations. You get one life, and you deserve to live yours without the burden of being in a relationship where you feel sad and disrespected daily.

Mirabai · 08/04/2023 11:23

Sisterweb · 08/04/2023 10:59

Mirabai, makes sense. 😊

Nothing on here makes sense 🤣

Haveallthesongsbeenwritten · 08/04/2023 11:47

I would absolutely try and sit down with him, talk through the chores that have to be done and split. Even a rota. If he can’t understand or willing to take part then she will have her answer.

Delatron · 08/04/2023 11:57

Spiderplantweb · 08/04/2023 08:48

I mentioned the little household chores because they are the ones the grate the most. He doesn’t clean, do any washing, look after the garden. Anything. But there is something really bloody irritating about cleaning the house and then him opening the post and just leaving the envelopes and packaging on the side for me to put in the bin. Or him having a lie in and then me having to go round after he’s got up and pull up the blinds and make the bed because he doesn’t see the point because “you’re just going to get in it again later”. It’s these tiny things of which there are dozens that feel so disrespectful when I have done everything else- and actually I feel like he is making more work for me as well as not even appreciating what I do.

for those who asked we’re engaged, but I couldn’t bring myself to marry him, so it is just the house that needs to be sorted. I doubt he’ll want to move out because we are only a 10minutes walk from his work and he won’t get anything else as close. But we’ll see what happens

I feel the salary is very relevant here (despite people calling me a snob) he regularly tells me he loves our life together and that he thinks we have got it made. The type of life he has he couldn’t have by himself. He goes away at least once a month on weekends away for example. My life feels like it is entirely propping up his. When I have broken up with men previously emotionally things have been tough but we’ve both gone on our merry ways, whereas here the life he’s had for the last few years is going to change hugely.

She divorced me because I let dishes by he sink

Exactly OP - the little things add up and show such a huge lack of respect for you - and that’s the bottom line. This article is very appropriate!

Does he know you’ll leave him? I guess it’s too late for him to change now but he’s in for a shock.

She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By The Sink

It wasn’t a big deal to me when I was married. But it was a big deal to her.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288/amp

zingally · 08/04/2023 12:07

Rosula · 07/04/2023 11:15

Yawn, another person who hasn't bothered to read OP's posts before diving in with a cheap sneer.

How about another way to fix the problem: dump the cocklodger?

Show quote history

Yawn, another MN self-appointed police officer of internet ettiquette.

You... know how the internet works? Right?

Densol57 · 08/04/2023 12:07

Urgh ! I had a Man Baby like this !
I was paying for everything whilst he had a great life. He wore “labels” and I wore Primark
I cut my own hair and he went to Toni and Guy

lucky we wasn't married
had no kids together
and it was my house

i got rid and have never been happier
OP sod what anyone else says or thinks
Just be happy for yourself

CherryCokeFanatic · 08/04/2023 12:14

Cbf to read full thread but adding in the dog walks, when you accept they are yours, is irrelevant.

Sounds like you load/unload the dishwasher and cook the evening meal and clean up after.

If you’re not happy. Ask him to do the dishwasher in the morning everyday and that you’ll split the cooking and cleaning up in the evening.

You could also stop cleaning at lunchtimes/in the day and agree who does which tasks once/twice a week

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 08/04/2023 12:42

'Some of us do earn that salary but don’t think that earning £28k makes you worthless in comparison.'

Exactly.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.