My day versus his day

[Spiderplantweb]

My day-
alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds
9:00 start work at my £85k a year job.
12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch.
1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery.
6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen.
8:00 we sit down to watch tv

his day

7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15.
8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work
9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves
17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out.
1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready
1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV.

Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

£85k is a great salary but I don’t think it’s unbelievable - where I work the regional HR, IT, marketing, accounting and D&I managers will all be earning that or more.

Such a weird thread. OP didn't ask for people's opinions about her salary? Are there really adults who don't understand that senior people in certain professions or with certain complex technical skills and qualifications earn more than they do?

Doesn't mean some lazy sponger gets to live off her salary and treat her as a housemaid to boot, ignore her requests for him to treat her with more respect and pull his weight, and then say she should keep coughing up and paying for him to be lazy and hire cleaners etc to cover his share of household tasks!

Honestly, this place is beyond crazy sometimes.

I don’t think you are unreasonable. You don’t love him, don’t feel valued and supported and even feel used. He lives as a lodger or rather it’s the kind of lifestyle you get at 6th form. You wake up, go to school, then come back and occasionally do something, just a little contribution here and there while another responsible adult is maintaining the household.

You might be surprised at your friends’s reaction OP. They might queue to congratulate you. And then you’ll buy them a round.

Too true.

The OP has tolerated him for far too long.

She can't even share a pet with this waster, it would be the height of stupidity to chance a child.

Total lazy waster living beyond his means on the back of her.

I'd be appalled if I was her mother, settling for SO little in a man.

I voted you were being unreasonable TO YOURSELF.

Honestly woman, just LTB already. What is he bringing to the table?

you said you're desperate for kids, you already seem to have a teenager. Fuck that, get out while you can and bin the guilt. If "your friends" want a sponger so badly they can take him in.

wow the OP seems to be getting a lot of angry messages here. Other ladies, you sound a bit jealous and resentful that this person has mentioned her salary. It’s clearly obvious she has done this to mention that she is basically paying the way. Stop with the hate. Yes, some of the jobs sound a little silly but you’re missing the point that this has obviously built up and now even putting the kettle on seems like a chore for a person that does f all else.

a bit of compassion seems in order here to be honest.

OP I’d speak to your partner and lay down what you want and need and stick to it!

It always happens on these threads.

Many adults don't seem to understand the concept of others earning a lot of money or how it's done.
I'm starting to believe a small percentage of the population are simply too thick to understand it.

They mention luck or working many hours or say they work hard at digging holes for 20 hours a day, how come they're not rich.

Then the thought that those people are lucky or they work crazy hours to earn that type of money.

They don't seem to get that digging holes is a finite skill. Theres nothing that unique about it. You're basically selling your time to do that one task.

Making decisions that affect millions is a unique skill and that is why it's paid well. Not because of the hours it takes.

I hate to admit this when I worked in a senior tech role in an office, before founding my startup, we'd brag at how few hours we spent on actual work. Some of the guys got it down to 10 to 15 hours worth a week. We'd spend the rest of the hours playing games, watching, tv, working out, playing pranks, gossiping. The guys with families drug it out to longer hours so they could come in late and avoid any household/childcare duties, then laugh as they had their "how exhausted act from working 12 hour days" down.
This was maybe a decade ago and nobody made less than 150k

People may be appalled at this but there was a lot of responsibility in what we did.
If you stuff up digging a hole, not much fallout. If you stuff up coding a banking system, medical devices, rail, etc.it's a huge fall out.

I'm also not quite sure of the relevance of the salary- it doesn't necessarily mean he is working less hard than you whilst at work.

As far as the dishwasher and kitchen jobs go, you need to tell him that he needs to start doing his share.

Sigh. Yet another one who hasn't bothered to read OP's posts. Do you really think that OP hasn't tried telling him that? And did you miss the bit where this hardworking man proposed to go part time?

I'm sorry OP. You know what you have to do. You're never going to be truly happy carrying on as you are. You need to leave.

I fully understand where you are coming from and he is taking you for granted.

My best friend was in a similar position to you, engaged too. And she eventually got to the point where she resented her partner and even the thought of him made her anxious. Quite similar to you, her partner took the mick financially and when they split he tried clawing everything, she had to give bank statements to solicitor during the sale of the house because her bloke didn't believe how much she'd spent on house stuff and work that had been done. He obviously got proven wrong but all the things she did went unnoticed. She said it was like having a child, constantly cleaning up behind him.

And the cheek of him saying about going part time, so you work hard for him to work less - no don't think so!! £250 towards the mortgage 🤣 that's less than my 21 year old nephew pays in rent to his mum.

Please leave him, things will only get worse.

Maybe get a dog walker, alleviate some pressure.

Why should OP pay for a dog walker in addition to having to pay for the lion's share of household bills whilst her husband sits around watching TV?

Walking the dog seems to have a significant impact their day....

She’s decided to leave the lazy dick head, this will have a significant and positive impact on her life…

Good for them.

Firstly ditch one of the dog walks surely they don't need 3 a day
Then get DH to do one a day and cook dinner a few nights a week

There are so many jobs not listed here that I'm left wondering if there are maybe some other roles he fulfills. I'm up at 7 and about to walk dog while he's sleeping, but he cooks. I'd suggest that you do the evening dog walk while he cooks or vice versa and then both watch telly. Importantly, if what you describe is part of a bigger similar picture then you need a conversation. I haven't read many of the other posts but you mentioning your salary is going to p* people off. It's not what you earn but how many hours you do that matter in parity of household chores.

I mentioned the little household chores because they are the ones the grate the most. He doesn’t clean, do any washing, look after the garden. Anything. But there is something really bloody irritating about cleaning the house and then him opening the post and just leaving the envelopes and packaging on the side for me to put in the bin. Or him having a lie in and then me having to go round after he’s got up and pull up the blinds and make the bed because he doesn’t see the point because “you’re just going to get in it again later”. It’s these tiny things of which there are dozens that feel so disrespectful when I have done everything else- and actually I feel like he is making more work for me as well as not even appreciating what I do.

for those who asked we’re engaged, but I couldn’t bring myself to marry him, so it is just the house that needs to be sorted. I doubt he’ll want to move out because we are only a 10minutes walk from his work and he won’t get anything else as close. But we’ll see what happens

I feel the salary is very relevant here (despite people calling me a snob) he regularly tells me he loves our life together and that he thinks we have got it made. The type of life he has he couldn’t have by himself. He goes away at least once a month on weekends away for example. My life feels like it is entirely propping up his. When I have broken up with men previously emotionally things have been tough but we’ve both gone on our merry ways, whereas here the life he’s had for the last few years is going to change hugely.

Get him to feed the dogs, implement the rule "one cooks, one cleans, you pick".

Sorted.

Have you told him yet OP?

I don’t feel in the slightest bit sorry for him OP. His laziness and entitlement would have killed your love from him even without the money issue.

Fuck this “why mention salaries” - she contributes the most mental & physical workload and the most money into the household. He’s doing nothing.

most of you would have assumed the salaries would be the other way around (yes, you would) and that this somehow made it ok for him to do fuck all. So that’s why.

Sit this MF down and explain he either positively contributes to your lives, or he leaves. You’re not his mother.

I agree with all of this except your example. Those boys digging roads are earning plenty 😉😂

Fuck this “why mention salaries”

Indeed. Apparently some posters are so envious and money-obsessed that they cannot bear to hear of someone on a higher salary without getting enraged. How do they manage in everyday life?

Some of us do earn that salary but don’t think that earning £28k makes you worthless in comparison.