My day versus his day

[Spiderplantweb]

My day-
alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds
9:00 start work at my £85k a year job.
12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch.
1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery.
6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen.
8:00 we sit down to watch tv

his day

7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15.
8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work
9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves
17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out.
1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready
1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV.

Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

the problem is that OP no longer loves or respects her DP. But on the face of it, they have quite easy lives, and I assume they got together knowing he wasn’t ambitious.

as for my standards, I’m coming from a point of a two child family where both parents work full time and don’t get to stop until 10 most evenings.

And how exactly is that relevant to OP's question?

It could be a case of him truly and blissfully not knowing all that you do or him thinking that you prefer to cook and do the washing as you enjoy having quality control.
Some men find it hard to cope with successful, high earning spouses but your husband does not seem fussed at all. That is a great attribute that adds to your happy home life.

What the....?! Please tell me this was satire? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

She should be grateful that this cocklodging, lazy sponger is not "fussed" that she's paying for him to have a lifestyle he can't afford, while he "blissfully" assumes she loves doing all the housework?!

Fucking hell. Not enough face palms in the universe for this. 🤦‍♀️ What sort of misogyny brainwashing course were you sent on?

Why should OP pay for people to help around the house just so that her partner can doss around doing fuck all? Doesn't it make more sense to bin the partner?

KLFisgonnarockyou what does his ambition have to do with him not cooking, cleaning or making a bed?

And what does your family situation have to do with OP asking if she's been a mug to accept a situation where she does all the housework and he does none?

God, flicking that switch on the kettle really takes it out of you!

Sending hugs OP!

Ways to fix these issues:

• Get rid of the dogs you seem to find such a chore - presumably you chose to have them?
• Hire a cleaner.

The important word in your post is "both". Both your parents worked full time and both carried on when they came home In OP's household, one stops all work between 5 pm and 9 am and expects his partner to wait on him. On top of that, he plans to reduce his working hours yet further. OP clearly didn't get together with her partner knowing he planned for her to be his servant and work hard to give him a comfortable lifestyle whilst he became even less ambitious and moved to part time work.

as for my standards, I’m coming from a point of a two child family where both parents work full time and don’t get to stop until 10 most evenings.

So? What relevance does that have? This isn't a Four Yorkshireman sketch about how hard people think their lives are. You choose to have children then of course you have more to do. 🙄

It's about a lazy man sponging off and taking advantage of the OP, not pulling his weight financially or with household tasks, showing no gratitude for her subsidising his lifestyle, then having the audacity to suggest that he works part time so that he can be even lazier.

You absolutely do need to raise your standards if you think that's ok!

Yawn, another person who hasn't bothered to read OP's posts before diving in with a cheap sneer.

How about another way to fix the problem: dump the cocklodger?

yes you definitely need to leave him op. The love has clearly gone and if he did miraculously start doing more chores etc I still think you'd feel the same. I believe once the love has gone it's gone and it sounds like this relationship has definitely run its course and you know that. I totally get why you feel the way you do and the longer you are with him you'll probably grow more and more irritated by him. leave now for both your sakes.

You aren’t being unreasonable BUT have you spoken to your partner about how under-appreciated you are feeling & how slave like your life is or do you just expect him to be a mind reader?
Many men can’t see what they aren’t doing because they come from households where everything just gets done & they have no responsibilities.
Talk to him, make up a rota & see how things go but yea YANBU to think your are being taken for a mug but it may be learnt behaviour on his side not intentional.

You aren’t being unreasonable BUT have you spoken to your partner about how under-appreciated you are feeling & how slave like your life is or do you just expect him to be a mind reader?

OP has already said she has!!

What hold has he got over you? Do you actually like him? Are you afraid of being on your own? Do you feel superior because you earn more than he? Does he feel emasculated by you? Or, is he doing what most of us would if we had a willing servant?

But there are other people out there with harder lives than you. The difficulties of her day to day life was not the reason for her posting

Listen to the TeenagersUntangled episode on the Motherhood Myth and you’ll see how common, but unreasonable, this is.

So because your life is tough, tougher than the OP’s she should put up with a crap partner? What on earth does your life have to do with the OP’s dilemma?

FGS don’t have children together!!!

@jemimaduck

Good, reflective reply. I too missed the point of the post initially and stand corrected! As a public sector health care professional I just stopped at
'Cor, nice work if you can get it.' But as you say that is not the point

Yes, I think you are a bit of a mug. Your partner seems so much rusted in his habits that he doesn't even consider doing something in the household. I think you should have a good talk and come up with another way of sharing your life. Find a new equilibrium that benefits both of you. I guess you love him very much and don't want to lose him. But as I see it you are not happy and so you are losing yourself.

@ifthe l’ll admit I didn’t see it from that perspective. I saw it from mine, which is with an ex that used to bring it up all the time about how he was the higher earner even when it wasn’t his money supporting me or my children and he never paid a penny towards anything.

If it’s the OP’s money being spent then sod that. You’re either a partnership where both are contributing equally towards things or resentment builds up.

I can't stop thinking about this post, it might be my favorite MN post of all time. The irony of this poster calling OP a fantasist while claiming all their friends are on 400k a year or millionaires 😂I love it!

I agree it was special. I also liked the fact that while her friends are millionaire celebrities she doesn’t believe someone earns 85k. 😂

I think that's a troll bot

Only a very early stage bot could be such an unknowing dumbass / hypocrite

Yep. Same in my house. And I think OP’s not remotely unreasonable.

Because my husband isn’t sponging off me. And I’ve actually read and understood her posts.