Page 28 | My day versus his day

Spiderplantweb · 2023-04-05T09:42:19+00:00

My day- alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds 9:00 start work at my £85k a year job. 12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch. 1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery. 6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen. 8:00 we sit down to watch tv his day 7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15. 8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work 9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves 17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out. 1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready 1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV. Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

Mummyof3dc · 06/04/2023 20:44

You are completely unreasonable, the things you mention are hardly chores! And if they are your dogs as you keep saying then you should be the one to walk them. The fact you earn more money and feel that is relevant is pretty disgusting and you obviously think you are superior to him. Money isn’t the be all and end all.
I think he would be better off without YOU especially if you behave like this! Making comments about how he would have to live in a one bed flat! So what! What is wrong with that! There are people living on the streets! This post has actually made me feel physically sick, you should be ashamed of yourself

moomoomoo27 · 06/04/2023 20:49

Spiderplantweb · 06/04/2023 20:43

@moomoomoo27 so I should pay for a cleaner, gardener, meal kits and dog walker on tops of everything else so that I don’t have to tolerate the fact he does fuck all? Presumably you agree that he should also be able to go part time as well because “We” have the money?

No, you should each pay half the contributing costs since you both receive half the benefit.

Original poster

Spiderplantweb · 06/04/2023 20:50

Thanks to all those who seem to get it and are supportive.

the rest of you, when he’s back in the dating pool I’ll send you his dating profile. Let’s see how many of you are queuing up for this catch of the day.

OP posts:

Antiquiteas · 06/04/2023 20:50

Spiderplantweb · 06/04/2023 20:50

Thanks to all those who seem to get it and are supportive.

the rest of you, when he’s back in the dating pool I’ll send you his dating profile. Let’s see how many of you are queuing up for this catch of the day.

😆👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

caodha · 06/04/2023 20:51

If you’re smart enough to earn 85k you’re surely smart enough to negotiate better terms and conditions for yourself without alienating your partner

ireallycantthinkofaname · 06/04/2023 20:52

I feel a bit sorry for OP, they've articulated their situation shittily but basically instead of going 'oh woe is me, I work SO HARD whilst hubby does fuckall' - because you're in an incredibly privileged position, OP - they should have phrased it, 'I've fallen completely out of love with my OH but as the partner with most of the "adult responsibilities" who does the bulk of the work around the home, am worried about potentially leaving him in the lurch, and how that will make me look. AIBU to still want to leave him?"

jemimapuddlepluck · 06/04/2023 20:53

Spiderplantweb · 06/04/2023 20:50

Thanks to all those who seem to get it and are supportive.

the rest of you, when he’s back in the dating pool I’ll send you his dating profile. Let’s see how many of you are queuing up for this catch of the day.

As you can see, some desperado will see him as quite the catch! So no need for you to worry, he will be fine. You just look after you 💐 good luck lovely.

moomoomoo27 · 06/04/2023 20:56

ireallycantthinkofaname · 06/04/2023 20:52

I feel a bit sorry for OP, they've articulated their situation shittily but basically instead of going 'oh woe is me, I work SO HARD whilst hubby does fuckall' - because you're in an incredibly privileged position, OP - they should have phrased it, 'I've fallen completely out of love with my OH but as the partner with most of the "adult responsibilities" who does the bulk of the work around the home, am worried about potentially leaving him in the lurch, and how that will make me look. AIBU to still want to leave him?"

Realistically they want an excuse/justification to dump their partner and don't really have one.

Plus there's resentment that the partner loves their job when they don't. Either that or they're like my friend's ex husband who became a banker and divorced her with the reason that he "could afford a better class of woman now."

Mummyof3dc · 06/04/2023 20:58

What a disgusting thing to write

HamptonCaught · 06/04/2023 21:02

You deserve a lot better than this chump. Are you married or just living together? I hope you won’t lose anything if it’s a divorce?

BlueLabel · 06/04/2023 21:02

moomoomoo27 I'd say living with someone who expects you to do all of the cooking and cleaning, pay off your driving fines and wants to work less on top of all that is a great reason to end it.

Your standards are clearly lower.

Mummyof3dc if you think his behaviour is fine we'll all stand aside and let you have first crack at him once he's single.

ireallycantthinkofaname · 06/04/2023 21:03

moomoomoo27 · 06/04/2023 20:56

Realistically they want an excuse/justification to dump their partner and don't really have one.

Plus there's resentment that the partner loves their job when they don't. Either that or they're like my friend's ex husband who became a banker and divorced her with the reason that he "could afford a better class of woman now."

Show quote history

TBH I don't understand why people feel such shame around saying, 'I'm sorry but I've fallen out of love with you now, thank you for the good times you gave me but I'd like to move on now.' I don't think there's anything wrong with doing it.

Pumpkinspice13 · 06/04/2023 21:03

Ask for help. You sound as though you think you are superior to your husband because you earn more. If you live comfortably they why worry about what percentage of the bills you each pay. He’s in a job he’s happy in, let him be happy. If the roles were reversed everyone would be telling you how amazing you are. If your not happy in your 85k a year job find something else!!

BlueLabel · 06/04/2023 21:10

Pumpkinspice13 The OP has already did she's asked him to do more, more than once and in different ways. He hasn't despite this. What do you suggest now?

Also, why do you think she's unhappy in her job, she specifically said she's not saying her job is tough? She only mentions being unhappy in her relationship.

ClairDeLaLune · 06/04/2023 21:11

You sound like you look down on him for being much more poorly paid than you. Not very nice.

EllieM27 · 06/04/2023 21:26

Spiderplantweb · 06/04/2023 20:50

Thanks to all those who seem to get it and are supportive.

the rest of you, when he’s back in the dating pool I’ll send you his dating profile. Let’s see how many of you are queuing up for this catch of the day.

😁😁😁
Good for you, OP. You deserve a partner that is a mature adult and not a manchild.

Don’t let anyone, whether in real life or here, make you feel guilty about him ruining your relationship with his childishness. In fact, direct them to this: Gender Inequities in Household Labor Predict Lower Sexual Desire in Women Partnered with Men. If men act like children they can’t expect their wives/partners to continue to be attracted to a dependent childlike figure.

Onward and upward, OP.

AlbertaWildRose · 06/04/2023 21:28

I haven't RTFT but I've read all of your posts, OP. I completely understand why you have had enough - it doesn't sound like a relationship but like you have an annoying roommate who doesn't contribute. Doing all the physical chores and having all the mental load as well must be exhausting for you. It is a very good thing that you don't have children with him or you would probably lose your mind!

Moreorlessmentallystable · 06/04/2023 21:29

Get him to cook dinner a few times a week and take the morning dog walk...problem solved. If you think your day is too busy now please don't have kids, you'll be forever tasked with doing most of the childcare too and having the mental load of telling your partner what to do....

BustyLaRoux · 06/04/2023 21:30

jemimapuddleduck it irked me because when I read the post, although I identified with falling out of love with someone who was lazy and selfish, I did also think 7am isn’t an early start. Walking the dog, putting on the kettle, having breakfast, unloading the dishwasher - sounds like quite a nice morning. Working from home, taking home a decent salary, another dog walk and a bit of lunch… all this sounds idyllic!!

But then I thought hey, it’s not a competition!!! OP isn’t happy with her life. Whilst it doesn’t sound like the hardest life, that’s not for me to judge! Her DH doesn’t seem to do much. Join her on a dog walk is all by the sound of it. And she has said she doesn’t want to carry on as she is. And really that’s all that matters.

I was trying to understand why she’d got such a hard time on here. And I guess, like me, many people thought her description of her “hard” day was overblown (dogs don’t need to be walked three times, Hoover doesn’t need to come out every day, putting the kettle on isn’t a chore, making “beds” again sounded exaggerated). So I think people missed the point of her post. And like me found themselves judging what she had described and missing the point, as I initially did.

No I don’t begrudge her. I wish I’d seen the light earlier or been braver earlier and realised having children with my exDH wasn’t going to change him. But of course then I wouldn’t have my DC! And I actually get on pretty well with my exDH. I enjoy a snigger to myself when he says how hard his life is.

Bleachmycloths · 06/04/2023 21:31

I totally get it,OP and mentioning your salary is 100% relevant. You are earning 3 times his salary and allowing him to live an easy life, paid for by you, so much so that the CF is considering going part time! You are resentful and I don’t blame you. He is dragging you down. Get rid of him asap. Buy him out if possible by giving him 15% of the house value and bye-bye.

SaltySeaAir · 06/04/2023 21:32

You make it sound like dogs are a chore. Someone wanted dogs, if it was your partner, he needs to walk them! Personally dogs are never something I wanted because I couldn't be bothered.

Sounds like you just need a good chat to be honest.

jemimapuddlepluck · 06/04/2023 21:42

@BustyLaRoux fair enough but I still don't get it. I think we can agree her OH sounds useless, I just find it strange that someone who ended up in your position would be irked by a women figuring it out before it got to that stage. As many on here, my days are long and busy yet I was proud that a woman was strong enough to say no more. What time she gets up is irrelevant, the fact that she shoulders EVERYTHING by herself, with no help from him is very relevant. It pains me to read threads by women who plough on, exhausted, with no support, especially when kids come along. I for one am happy that OP has realised her worth, im happy for you too!

Maddy128 · 06/04/2023 21:48

moomoomoo27 · 06/04/2023 20:56

Realistically they want an excuse/justification to dump their partner and don't really have one.

Plus there's resentment that the partner loves their job when they don't. Either that or they're like my friend's ex husband who became a banker and divorced her with the reason that he "could afford a better class of woman now."

Show quote history

What kind of excuse / justification is needed really beyond “I want to leave my partner” ?!
Ridiculous.

BustyLaRoux · 06/04/2023 21:50

Yes exactly jemimapuddleduck. You’re not wrong. I am pleased for her. I suppose I was trying to understand what it was about the post which irritated so many posters on here, and I was looking inside my own feelings and being honest about how the post had made me, and probably others, feel. But like you say, the details are irrelevant. She isn’t happy and he’s useless and has been given many chances to change. So she doesn’t need validation from me or anyone else on here.

Paq · 06/04/2023 21:52

Well done OP. Walk away with you head held high. And let him deal with his own bloody parking fine!