My day versus his day

[Spiderplantweb]

My day-
alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds
9:00 start work at my £85k a year job.
12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch.
1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery.
6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen.
8:00 we sit down to watch tv

his day

7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15.
8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work
9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves
17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out.
1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready
1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV.

Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

Why can't he make the dinner when he gets home instead of watching tv whilst you're working later?

Why do you need to walk the dogs three times a day?

Can't you ask him to make the bed after he gets out of it?

This guy sounds like a complete joke. Does he have zero self awareness? Stop mothering him.

What's he done for you lately?

I think it sounds like death by 1000 paper cuts and it would really piss me off to be doing absolutely everything for someone who is so lazy just cannot be bothered to pull his weight.
I can see how you stop fancying someone in these circumstances and fall out of love and I would understand if a friend told me similar.
Good luck with the split and keep enjoying the dog walks.
X

I understand its tough when you have mutual friends but honestly you don't owe him a lifestyle and if anyone thinks that you should just stay with him because otherwise he can't afford to buy a round at the pub they probably aren't very good friends anyway.

When I split with my ex who we shared friends with it was awkward at first because he would invite them to our town but get upset if they wanted to see me too, or he would invite them when he knew it was my birthday or such. They got the measure of him eventually though and it all worked out in the end.

He is absolutely taking advantage of your kind and generous nature, so much that he probably forgets how different his life would be otherwise.
You shouldn't worry at all about friends' reactions. This is your life and you deserve to be happy. I doubt they would thing anything. The fact that you have explained that you would like help etc and he has seen you in tears about it is very telling. My husband says to me I just have to ask him to do something and he will do it. But why should I even have to do that, they should take on the mental load of it all too. I think the resentment will only get worse. You deserve to not be treated like this.
Good luck

Now if you had said this in the first place...

Yup another vampire, get rid!

Men are useless. I feel you!

She doesn't though so why bother writing this drivel. I fucking despair with some of the trolls that have appeared.

This is what happens when stupid people have access to the Internet. Sad times.

Thank god you don’t have children with this man child. So many women saddle themselves with men like this and then wonder why they’re so miserable. Who gives a toss what your friends think. If they don’t support you they were never friends in the first place. Get rid, don’t look back. Spend some time on yourself before you jump into another relationship and figure out how to make yourself happy. Hug, you’re doing the right thing.

A big part of your day is dedicated to the dogs. Are they yours/ours? In most households it's usually one person who values the dogs more. If that's you, then this is your responsibility. Im assuming you work from home and that in the afternoon after you've done a bit of life admin you go back to work. I'm confused why he would be considering going part time, rather than you. Could you reduce YOUR hours, so for example finish at 4 or maybe start earlier and he can do the morning dog walk. If not he needs to up his game by cooking at least twice in the week and maybe getting on with the laundry once a week.
I'd suggest you allow him to do these tasks 'unsupervised' rather than instructing.
How did you slip into this routine? Do you go out much (other than dogs)? Does he view you as part of the fixtures and fittings? This needs addressing too.

It sounds like you have already made your mind up to leave him. So I guess I’m struggling with your reasons for posting.

@Spiderplantweb I just want to know wtf you do that enables you to earn £85k per year while putting the dishwasher on and not working silly hours. Onlyfans? Selling old shoes? I bloody well am jealous.

If you're fed up with your boyfriend, then bin him.

Both days sound like a piece of piss tbh. Enjoy and stop moaning.

@Spiderplantweb I've read all of your posts but not all the replies.
You're being given an unnecessarily hard time with childish replies about the kettle etc totally missing the point.
You are right - it's not about who does each of the little jobs, it's that you do literally everything. There is no partnership.
He only walks the dogs by tagging along with you, not going by himself and freeing up your time. He rests while you cook.
You have all the mental load and he is coasting.
I wouldn't judge you if you were my friend. You've simply fallen out of love with him as a result of being the only adult in the relationship.
Good luck with your future.

This.

@Twentyfirstcenturymumma @Sirzy
That's not the point though - this isn't a race to the bottom.
This is couple with no kids, who should both be leading fairly chilled lives outside of work, but one is taking the piss. And then suggesting he should work less.

Your life sounds like a breeze.

It sounds like you’ve made up your mind. You want to leave him. You’ve spoken to a solicitor. You’ve no love left for him after years of being made to run about waiting on him. I totally get it. I had an exDH like this, only we had two young children. My day involved 5:30am starts, unloading dishwasher, bringing him coffee in bed, making all the beds, school runs (morning and afternoon), all the washing and folding, cooking children’s dinners while he was at the gym (and when he did get home and I was bathing the kids he refused to tidy up after the children’s dinner as he said it was MY mess!), online weekly shop (which he refused to put away if he was home as he said I shouldn’t arrange for shopping to be delivered when he was home!) dentist/doctor appointments, play dates, organising birthday parties and family holidays, taking out the bins and recycling. I used to do all the cleaning as well (except one particular job which I hated and which he did about once every 4-6 weeks). Eventually I said enough. We have to get a cleaner. I have a full-time job (not working from home). I can’t keep this up. He agreed we could get a cleaner but grumbled about the cost and said I should pay for it myself as he didn’t want one!!!!! I refused and insisted it was a joint expense. He wasn’t too pleased though. And at weekends he wanted to lie in til 10:30am as he was hungover. Then he would have an hour and a half in the bath (locking the door which was also the only toilet in the house and getting very annoyed if anyone needed to use it!), watching his favourite sport on TV (annoyed if anyone disturbed him), or going to a four weekly haircut which took over two hours. Then he would go to the gym at 5pm every single day. My days were really really fucking hard.

I felt a bit annoyed when I read your post if I’m being honest as your days sound lovely!!! And you were listing grabbing lunch, going out for walks, putting on the kettle! And all I could think was plural beds..? Surely it is one bed! Three dog walks a day? Hoovering every day..?! It all seemed a bit overblown so I get why posters on here have flamed you. It irked me too. I’m sorry to say that. It isn’t a race to the bottom. But to hear you describing your mainly quite nice day and saying you were run ragged just clearly struck a nerve with a great many people, me included!

That said I do understand why you feel the way you do. I tried and tried to get him to change. He wouldn’t. And I put up with it. Until one day I didn’t. But all that laziness had made me despise him. And I wasn’t a very nice person to be around. I was horrible to him. I was consumed with anger and resentment. So I left him. And he’s had to start being a parent and a cleaner. And he says now he’s rushed off his feet every day. I, on the other hand, have far more time than I ever had. I get to sit down! I have actual days off when he has the kids. And I have a DP who brings me coffee in bed and cooks for me. And he also cleans up!! And now I get to be lazy. (Don’t get me wrong I do plenty of other stuff. So we’re not horrendously imbalanced) But it’s wonderful to have someone say “let me do that, you look knackered! Go and put your feet up!”

Don’t worry about what your friends might think. It’s not your job to keep him. He’s had many chances to change. And whilst your life doesn’t sound that bad compared to many at the end of the day it isn’t the life you want and it isn’t making you happy, so that’s all that matters. You don’t need anyone’s approval for what you’re about to do.

With that salary gap, he should be doing all the housework and waking up with you out of respect if nothing else. It comes down to fair contribution and you do it all financially while he has his little hobby job that you help him afford to do.

How awful. You truly had to do it all, full time job outside the house and all housework and childcare and cooking and admin. Glad you have the dh you deserve now!

The word versus is used in a competition, a fight, an argument not in a partnership or marriage and so lies the problem.

Why did it 'irk' you? You should be proud that a woman sees her worth before she's stuck with him due to marriage and kids and ended up in the same situation as you. Well done on finally realising you were worth more 💐

If it bothers you just hire a cleaner.
Have him take the dogs out in the evening so you're each doing it once a day. Have a recipe box delivery service or order meals made or split cooking/dishwasher duties.
The few other tasks you mention are 5 min jobs that don't need to be done daily.

Really not a big deal.

I think the real issue is that you're just not having much fun and there's not really much purpose or direction, it's just groundhog day.

Why don't you go out, e.g. pub/cinema/theatre/escape room/axe throwing (?!)/VR experience etc., with or without other CF friends?

How about volunteering somewhere?

Maybe write a book, start a podcast, learn a language, do a sport, garden, plan a trip/day out/holiday (whether with your partner or someone else), go to local events.

Just anything that's more than work and watching TV.

We are CF too and I'd go insane with your life (sorry). Your life is passing you by.

@moomoomoo27 so I should pay for a cleaner, gardener, meal kits and dog walker on tops of everything else so that I don’t have to tolerate the fact he does fuck all? Presumably you agree that he should also be able to go part time as well because “We” have the money?