My day versus his day

[Spiderplantweb]

My day-
alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds
9:00 start work at my £85k a year job.
12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch.
1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery.
6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen.
8:00 we sit down to watch tv

his day

7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15.
8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work
9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves
17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out.
1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready
1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV.

Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

The dogs are yours

the rest, yes, he doesn't do enough, I am happily single and a bonus is not worrying about domestics that much

I'm also wondering how many beds

You're not suited and why do you care what people think if you break up?

I opened this fully expecting a load of getting up, laundry, children, school run, work, laundry, housework, life admin, mental load, school run, arranging childcare, catching up on work from childcare days, trying to work around kids. But yeah Your life sounds positively restful x maybe husband could get up to walk dogs too cos that’s the main difference in seeing 🤷‍♀️

Yep you’re a mug, like many others on here. Tell him to get off his ass and do more

I think salaries are relevant as she is breadwinner and doing more? But honestly your day does sounds quite lovely. No kids!

If you always do the cooking I would ask him to load and unload the dishwasher to redress the balance.

The rest seems pretty reasonable.

YABU for hoovering every day.

Why does it matter how much you earn ?????
plus why not ask him to help
why martyr yourself ?
I see it over and over on here
Moaning about how hard your life is but you made it like that !!!!

Well it would be vice versa if you had lower paying job

This!!
1000% think about your happiness op you'll live longer.

People are being nasty because they are jealous of your earnings OP. Well done you on your ace salary.
Yes you’re a mug, he’s taking the piss. He has far more free time than you and you’re running the house. Tell him to sort it out

Ditch him. He needs to grow up and stop treating you like his mum

It’s not unreasonable to feel drained by someone who, by any standard, brings less to a relationship. Finances are a controversial point because we can’t all be top earners but in terms of equality in all other contributions to the home/relationship it needs to be fairly balanced. If you feel you’re bearing the brunt of the load then literally (because some men are deaf and blind to their complicity in doing Jack all) make a list of daily/weekly jobs and distribute them fairly. For example let him Hoover when he gets home some days instead of it being your lunchtime job, half the week you cook, he washes up and swap the other half, you dust and he hoovers on cleaning day etc. I honestly stand by my view that both men (not all) and children (pretty much all) will wilfully ignore the daily needs of a house until they’re directly told to do a job 🤷🏻‍♀️. You can only feel as you feel and nobody else’s experience can really change that.

Yeah OP I'm not going to nitpick the details like some other posters. I was you. We are now divorced. He feels entitled to your housekeeping services and the home that you presumably mostly pay for. He feels entitled to work at a hobby job. You are there to facilitate him. Get rid.

It sounds over to me and you aren’t ‘trapped’ like a lot of women so do what you need to do. If you’re concerned about the reaction from friends, just make sure they have your version of events.

Not read the full thread yet so probably already mentioned.
I'm assuming reference to salary is for level of responsibility/additional expectations/out of office hours work.
Don't have children with him unless you have no expectation that he will parent. Otherwise your life will stay the same, but busier and more expensive. Nursery isn't cheap and you'll need to factor in additional bought in services i.e cleaner if you don't have them already.
I work the more demanding of our jobs. Have been up since before 6am every day this week with DD. Do the shopping, cooking, laundry. . . I've stepped back for him but not prepared to let DD suffer. I asked if he'd do 6-7 this morning so he's gone to visit a friend till Saturday evening.
Some would call me a mug. But I'm making plans.

You don't want to be with him, he won't make a good roommate and you don't have children together. Seems like worry about the dogs is the only issue. Hopefully you had them before he came around so that the issue will be easy.
I say break up with him and let him have a couple months to find a new place as long as he doesn't act like a nutcase.

Just leave him. And then have some therapy to work out why you needed the permission of your friends and internet strangers to do so.

Leave, and leave now. What are you waiting for? He sounds useless and a taker - well done for realising this but honestly don't worry about what people will think - don't live your life for other people.

Time to put yourself first OP. Stop worrying about what others will think, and move forward with your own life. Sounds like it’ll be a lot easier on your own

Fine one or two of the friends who can be relied upon to see your side and share it with the others when you make your move. Stay silent with dignity when it all hits the fan, but make sure to lay the ground with them first just so they know what a lazy arse he is and how he has used you. Go out for drinks with them, get a bit tipsy and admit how sad you are. Perhaps they will advise you to leave.

That way if he whines at them they will know the truth of it and you won't feel so awkward.

In the bin with him.

Ignore unpleasant comments OP. A fair bit of jealousy because you are a high earner, and don’t you know people who earn well are never allowed sympathy?

No one else has to live with him. Only you. So no one else gets to judge him. I am totally with you on this - his life is subsidised by yours because you put the hard work in to get where you are, but he does nothing to add to your life.

Part of being in a successful long term relationship is respect, and one person lounging around while the other does a lot soon evaporates all respect.

Go and start your new life and when you do find a new partner don’t take on all the domestic work, hopefully he’ll not be a man child though so you won’t have to.

Here's my day OP

Get woken up at around 4 or 5am by my autistic toddler, make milk for them, get them breakfast, change them, then the day of spinning in circles, running around, biting, throwing, jumping off things, climbing things starts and i spend 4 hours trying to stop them hurting themselves and trying to keep them busy. At around 9am I put a programme on that they will watch whilst I go and help my disabled partner get out of bed. I then do the dishwasher, put the washing on, tidy what I can and then depending on the day we go to a SEN group, play group or I go to work (for 2 hours a week because that's all I can manage with zero support). Then the process repeats while I make meals, or changing, or tidying or washing or cleaning or cooking or generally caring for my disabled child and partner 24/7, my partner does what he can when he can with our child and around the house. I go to bed at around 11pm after my child takes 4 or 5 hours to get to sleep at night, that's if they don't wake up in the night and if they're not ill during the night from the various other illnesses and conditions they have, and if my partner doesn't need me and I don't have other life admin to do such as ordering shopping, arranging doctors and hospital appointments, sending emails, filling in forms, sorting washing, tidying the house etc etc.

3 years ago I was in a high paid job having a good life and then when I was 8 months pregnant my partner had an accident at work and was left permanently disabled.

Yes, you are a mug. Enjoy your dog walks and if you can't talk to your boyfriend about doing a bit of washing up then you both need to grow up a bit.

Good for you and your 85k job and you re belittling your partner because he earns a lot less

Really OP - so what?

Bloody hell you must be absolutely burned out by this hectic day! Yes, you are a mug for allowing it to happen. But also, a bit of perspective wouldn’t go a miss.