Page 24 | My day versus his day

BlueLabel · 06/04/2023 13:55

Jasminajo what's your point? It can be shit for a whole host of reasons regardless of who is doing the breaking up. Losing mutual friends is one of many potential reasons.

Nit picking because she posted he gets out of bed at 8:30, whilst she gets back at 8:30, sorts some things, has breakfast and then goes upstairs to make the bed is unnecessary.

MamskiBell · 06/04/2023 15:19

What relevance are your salaries? As you earn more should you do less, is that why you're raising it? If so then YABU. What is the point of the post? You do more than him? If the balance is wrong then talk to him. Don't gloat how you're earning more than 3 times his salary.

Thursday5pmisginoclock · 06/04/2023 15:28

Dump him. If you want kids He will be no use or ornament.
Your day sounds blissful. Wait till the kids arrive 🤯😵‍💫 try doing all that, plus dressing kids, being a taxi, extra washing and cooking, extra tidying and cleaning, baths, life admin etc all on 1/2 the sleep you currently get! That’s when you need a team member not an extra (man) child.

allaboring · 06/04/2023 15:30

@MamskiBell I'm not sure we read the same thing at all, the OP didn't gloat about their salary, but it is relevant that they are paying the bulk of the bills, subsidising their partners life and not getting any support at home. It is also really relevant because the OP is concerned that when she leaves this man the life he has become used to is going to be turned on its head.

Not only is she leaving him, she is also going to completely upend his life, presumably at the moment he lives in quite a nice house (that he wont be able to afford), he doesn't have to budget and he sounds like he is generous with friends. The fact that being with her allows him to do this on a more modest wage makes the disparity in earnings hyper relevant.

Summerfun54321 · 06/04/2023 15:31

If he's not pulling his weight when you've asked him to repeatedly then he doesn't respect you and you absolutely should leave.

I think you got a hard time over the salaries as you sounded snobby mentioning that. Plenty of couples earn different amounts but have good relationships as both contribute equally in other ways and mutually respect each other. Lots of women are lower earners but their husbands aren't mugs.

momtoboys · 06/04/2023 15:35

He is definitely taking the piss but I think you are in the same position as many women on here.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 06/04/2023 15:43

Ursualesther · 05/04/2023 10:46

You listed put kettle on

as one of your jobs 😂

and HAVE BREAKFAST😆tough gig that one!

MrsRandom123 · 06/04/2023 15:44

Spiderplantweb · 05/04/2023 10:47

@slowsundays because on top of all the household work I end up paying for almost all our bills and days out. He’s talking about going part time because we’re comfortably off.

@Ursualesther i guess today I’m a bit distracted after this mornings realisation that I am a bit of a mug. And want to know that I am not completely off my rocker thinking that this situation is bonkers

Presumably you knew his earnings / earning potential when you met and thus decided to have a long term relationship with him?

Beelezebub · 06/04/2023 15:55

Dear god, dump his arse, the lazy, feckless, freeloader. I cannot fathom how anyone is saying you’re unreasonable, and if I you in real life and understood the detail of what you’ve written here, I’d drive you to the solicitor myself.

jemimapuddlepluck · 06/04/2023 16:00

A poster above pointed this out but it's worth repeating. Time and time again women post on here about their useless husbands doing nothing with the house and kids. Posters then ask why she had kids with such a useless fucker. This OP has cottoned on that he will make a useless husband and father but is told because she doesn't have kids yet she should suck it up and not expect anything else from him. Its so sad that some women expect nothing from men and are raising kids in homes where the woman does everything. The cycle continues with the next generation. It's easy to see why with some of the responses on this thread.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 06/04/2023 16:06

We all make our own beds in this house.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 06/04/2023 16:09

My DH and i salaries are about the same ratio as yours with me earning the lower but if I thought he was thinking of me the same way you think or your partner I'd be pretty upset. We split the jobs pretty evenly I think.

jemimapuddlepluck · 06/04/2023 16:16

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 06/04/2023 16:09

My DH and i salaries are about the same ratio as yours with me earning the lower but if I thought he was thinking of me the same way you think or your partner I'd be pretty upset. We split the jobs pretty evenly I think.

He wouldn't think the same as OP then would he? Cos you muck in and actually contribute to the running of the household. The OP's OH doesn't. So it's not the same.

kikedog · 06/04/2023 16:24

@teaandtoastwithmarmite and what would your OH think if you sat on your arse waiting for him to cook dinner, tidy up after you and had to wait for you to get out of bed in the morning so he could make it after you? Your post is irrelevant you aren't in the same situation at all.

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 06/04/2023 16:27

jemimapuddlepluck · 06/04/2023 16:00

A poster above pointed this out but it's worth repeating. Time and time again women post on here about their useless husbands doing nothing with the house and kids. Posters then ask why she had kids with such a useless fucker. This OP has cottoned on that he will make a useless husband and father but is told because she doesn't have kids yet she should suck it up and not expect anything else from him. Its so sad that some women expect nothing from men and are raising kids in homes where the woman does everything. The cycle continues with the next generation. It's easy to see why with some of the responses on this thread.

Yes. I wonder if some of the nastiness is just a general hostility to other people especially on line, but a lot of it must be misogyny.

Jasminajo · 06/04/2023 16:29

24 pages dedicated to an OP who

does not love her partner or even really like him
Thoroughly fed up of him
Earns a very good salary and owns the house
He earns a decent one and certainly wouldn’t be in bones of arse if rel ended
No children involved

I can’t think of a more straightforward OP and so intrigued that has enticed so much interest

BlueLabel · 06/04/2023 16:39

MrsRandom123 op already confirmed that when they got together salaries were far more aligned.

The issue isn't salaries though, it's the division of household labour and latterly, the guys suggestion he cuts his hours despite doing no housework and her salary already covering the greater part of their lifestyle.

ifthe · 06/04/2023 16:43

This seems so clear cut, but reading the comments here I can see why the OP is concerned about what their friends will think. For me if my friend left such a man 1) I would hope I had already noticed he was a bit of a shit, 2) trusted her enough to realise we don't all know what goes on behind closed doors and support her, or 3) realise it was none of my business and and just go for a drink with her. It never would have crossed my mind that people would think you should stay with someone who makes you so unhappy, or treats you with such contempt.

And I am really thrown by all these people who seem to think that its ok that this man doesnt even cook dinner and expects to be waited on hand and foot. You know what, if that's what has given her the ick- I get it, it sounds deeply immature and unattractive. Messaging her to pay a parking fine- she sounds like a bloody secretary not a wife

BlueHeelers · 06/04/2023 16:56

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 06/04/2023 16:09

My DH and i salaries are about the same ratio as yours with me earning the lower but if I thought he was thinking of me the same way you think or your partner I'd be pretty upset. We split the jobs pretty evenly I think.

You're missing the point. The OP is pissed off that her STBX partner works shorter hours & does no housework, and is taking her work (and salary) totally for granted: to the extent that he's talking about going part-time.

He's a lazy-arse cocklodger.

Nanny0gg · 06/04/2023 17:09

GerronBuzanDoThaWomwok · 05/04/2023 22:06

Neither day sounds especially full on, tbh.
Are you unhappy in your job? If you are, I can see that all the money in the world isn't going to make you feel OK about the division of labour in your house. Do you think he should do more whatever he earns, or do you think by having a £28K salary he has the better, stress-free life?

Read the OP's posts.

I think you'll find your questions have been answered

Nanny0gg · 06/04/2023 17:10

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 06/04/2023 16:09

My DH and i salaries are about the same ratio as yours with me earning the lower but if I thought he was thinking of me the same way you think or your partner I'd be pretty upset. We split the jobs pretty evenly I think.

So no comparison then, really.

raspberrywine · 06/04/2023 17:32

I don't think I've ever said this before but LTB.

Don't let the guilt of looking like the bad guy from living the life you want. If they judge you, they were not friends anyway.

AnotherEmma · 06/04/2023 17:34

Spiderplantweb · 05/04/2023 10:42

My day-
alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds
9:00 start work at my £85k a year job.
12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch.
1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery.
6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen.
8:00 we sit down to watch tv

his day

7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15.
8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work
9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves
17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out.
1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready
1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV.

Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

Yes of course you are a mug. YABVU to do all that while he does nothing.

Why??

AnotherEmma · 06/04/2023 17:38

AnotherEmma · 06/04/2023 17:34

Yes of course you are a mug. YABVU to do all that while he does nothing.

Why??

Show quote history

Sorry, I had somehow missed all your other posts
Glad you've been planning to leave him, no idea why on earth you are worrying about him having a lower standard of living, if he cared about that maybe he should have pulled his weight?!
Do not waste any more time. Get on with it and LTB.

AnotherEmma · 06/04/2023 17:41

"I am so worried friends are just going to see me as taking the dogs and leaving him in the stick. And feel sorry for him and think that I have done him wrong. They don’t know how draining all the little things are."

Why on Earth do you worry so much what other people think? No true friend would judge you for ending a relationship that's making you unhappy. Anyone who judges and takes his side is not a true friend.

How old are you?