My day versus his day

[Spiderplantweb]

My day-
alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds
9:00 start work at my £85k a year job.
12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch.
1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery.
6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen.
8:00 we sit down to watch tv

his day

7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15.
8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work
9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves
17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out.
1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready
1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV.

Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

Also, this...

Does he have a long commute? (Although it doesn’t sound like it given the timetable in your op.) That could be making the difference in how he feels energy wise. Or an active job?

Let him take care of the dogs morning and night unless you’re exercising with them in the morning. Tell him to make the bed and do the laundry (or dishes), for example. Divide the chores up in some way that you’re both happy with.

This lopsided division of caring for house and children, dogs in your case, has always existed since the dawn of time. I have no complaints with my dh. He does more than most, a lot in fact. He has a tiring job too, so I keep that in mind. He may have grown up doing no chores around the house, in that case he has to be trained 😂

You have no commute and that makes a huge difference, and you’re presumably sitting most of the day.

But surely he always had a lower paid job than OP? It’s not like he was earning more than her, then decided to quit that job to get a lower paid job in order to sponge off her ? OP must always have known he was a lower earner than her . Now she’s moaning about it

OP clearly wants a partner who earns more. So leave him so that he can find someone who will appreciate him , and go and find a higher earner. Simples.

He leaves the house at 9 so doubt there’s a long commute there… OP starts work at 9 having got up far earlier and walked the dogs.
Why would having a commute excuse from basic helping round the house? You can’t possibly clear up after dinner and put a wash on because you’ve had to sit on a train for half an hour.. Why can’t he ever cook her dinner?

Mumsnet is even weirder than normal today..

And that means she should skivvy for him because???

Except this prince is now telling OP he wants to work part time. True cocklodger.

Would you appreciate this waste of space?

Oh look first thread and all that! 🙄. Out to cause a bit of controversy.

Yes appreciate him for being a respectful partner who pulls his weight. Oh hang on…
He sounds like a real catch!

What a nasty, judgemental, disingenuous take.

Nasty. But true

Exactly. All sense gone out of the window on this thread…

Oh really, it’s true is it? Please do show where OP said this then, and that you didn’t just make it up to be a spiteful arsehole.

This is amazing. Yes OP, leave him so he can find some poor, desperate woman who is willing to run round after him. This thread has not let me down. Love. It.

I think the whole point of OP's post is that she feels massively taken for granted, which she didn't (presumably) know would happen when she met him. Five years on, him lying in bed scratching his balls while she does the housework has worn a bit thin. And yes, the part-time suggestion did make me smile. Even better work-life balance! Go him!

Yes he’s taking the piss OP. Especially wanting to go PT in your salary.

But as you have seen - many posters on here are too jealous and resentful of people who earn decent money to be objective. (I say this as someone with a chronic illness who doesn’t earn much). They’re too self-focused to see the detail of your respective salaries as anything but a criticism of their own.

If you’d omitted the income data you would have got a very different response.

But yes - get free and find a man who pulls his weight.

Stealth boast
yawn ….
you picked him …if the shoes don’t fit ,find a different pair

It's completely irrelevant from OPs original post. It only gets relevant when she carries on posting and dripfeeding and starts to talk about how he buys rounds and goes on stag dos that are not out of his money. If this was said in the opening post I think responses would be different.

Appreciate what? A man with no ambition and too lazy to make the bed or pop the kettle on? Happy to play the big man shouting friends rounds of drinks at the pub but only affording it because his life is paid for by his partner? Wanting to go part time so he can watch even more TV while his partner pays the bills?

I'm sure women will be lining up.

Also so what if OP wants to find a man she is more compatible with financially? Why is that bad? She's a hard worker and a fair earner, it stands to reason she will have more in common and a better chance of building the life she wants with someone who can keep up with her, not sponge off her success.

My DH earn similar amounts and it's given us a lot of flexibility in terms of both working part time and sharing care for our children. It's meant our careers are equally important and we work as a team, taking it in turns when children are sick etc. finances are a big part of life, it's only sensible to find someone you share values and goals with.

Cut your losses. Find a man you can love and have children with. Don't waste any more time here. And make sure next relationship has fairer division of labour. Go for it and good luck.

Someone on here will have him - given the general standards. A sorry dick is better than no dick to some.

It's clear enough OP had put the wheels in motion before beginning the thread.

I think the salary is relevant, many men pull the 'I earn more so shouldn't have to do any housework' when their wives/partners work full time. Not that I agree, I don't.

Honestly OP you shouldn't have to live like that. If he has any respect for you he would be pulling his weight, you shouldn't have to ask him.

He is an adult, he isn't your responsibility. Presumably he could have tried to get a better job/more pay to further himself and make both your lives better but he chosen but to. Please don't put up with this because of what friends will think, I expect you'll find that they have been amazed you've put up with it. Good luck!

When we got together I was earning about 5k a year more. I worked in a lot of jobs I didn’t really like to get myself into a position where I could WFH because I wanted dogs and couldn’t see how I could manage it with the office job and city commute. Over the years the seniority I needed to allow me to wfh permanently has given me the salary progression as well. But for me it has always been about getting myself into a position where I can have my dogs.

to be honest, my brain is so frazzled from the last few years I don’t think another partner is on the cards for quite some time. I feel quite bruised that I could get my judgment so wrong. And quite frankly I don’t need another ‘high earning’ partner. My life is pretty simple, I’m not one for flash cars or clothes I can quite easily fund myself.

and the name change? Really are you surprised with the absolute vitriol on this thread.