Page 15 | My day versus his day

ifthe · 05/04/2023 14:44

@Blueflag22 the OP fell out of love with the man, but she should stay with him and just pay for a cleaner? presumably it will be her paying for the cleaner so he can just stay sat on his arse?

TeenagersAngst · 05/04/2023 14:45

begoneday · 05/04/2023 14:26

Maybe you should have just chosen a job you love, like he has. He is working full time and seems to have a good work life balance . That’s not to be sniffed at just because you haven’t managed it.

But if his work-life balance is achieved at the cost of someone else's happiness? When he's living in his tiny one bed and never cleaning it or making his bed, he'll soon start to feel like he's missing his old (subsidised) life.

StepAwayFromTheBiscuitJar · 05/04/2023 14:45

to be honest neither of your days sound particularly full on compared to many people.

Gotta agree with this tbh.

If I could chill for four hours every night, still get seven hours sleep, and then wfh the next day I'd not be complaining.

I'm currently covering a depot about 80 mins drive from my home and once I'm there I do approx 10 hours work but sometimes 12. I then drive back (which can be close to two hours in the traffic) and do a 90 minute gym session.

Some days I get back from the gym and have to eat/shower and go straight to bed. Colleague covering the other site is doing 06:30-19:30 most days but hasn't left before 20:30 in the past week.

nopuppiesallowed · 05/04/2023 14:45

Have you actually talked to him about how you feel?

Confusion101 · 05/04/2023 14:45

Spiderplantweb · 05/04/2023 14:25

It’s interesting @GoldenCupidon because you state it as if it is so obvious, but I posted here to try and get an external perspective on how it would be viewed and there is a lot of people who think I am being unreasonable. I should be happy to subsidise him as my partner whilst taking care of him as a parent.

I don't think you are unreasonable, but you aren't comparing like with like. A large part of your post is irrelevant to the problem. You hoover during the day, he can't as he works away from home. You are classing the dogs as chores but have said that that is for your own enjoyment. The problem is in the evenings when you are both home, you are doing chores and he is at fuck all. I think you would be unreasonable to dump him without conversing with him and giving him a chance to change. If he has never been told this is annoying you, he isn't going to try do better.

Delatron · 05/04/2023 14:45

He has a work life balance because he does f all around the house?

QuinkWashable · 05/04/2023 14:49

Get a cleaner and /or someone to tidy up. He isn't that has really. He could more but hardly the worst I've read.

well, that's a high bar for a relationship 'hardly the worst'

OP. It won't get better. If you want kids, just know that, and make your decision accordingly.

Sohungrynow · 05/04/2023 14:49

Everyone has different views on things but their opinions reality shouldn’t impact on staying in a relationship because others think you’re wrong.

OP you have to do the right thing for you, if you feel the way you do then leave, do not waste the precious life we have been given on someone who is not worthy of your love. Life is not a dress rehearsal!

Wanttobefree2 · 05/04/2023 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I think you’re doing too much, I don’t know why people are being mean to you.

Make him step up and pull his weight! If you don’t do something now you’ll end up resenting him in the future.

kikedog · 05/04/2023 14:51

Regardless of whether you see dog walks as fun or one persons responsibility, surely it is up to both people to make the bed? In my house whoever gets up last has to do it. I couldn't imagine my partner staying in bed until 8:30, going to work and leaving the bed unmade. I think the day starts shit, and just sounds like it goes on from there!!

SkyandSurf · 05/04/2023 14:51

Blueflag22 · 05/04/2023 14:40

Get a cleaner and /or someone to tidy up. He isn't that has really. He could more but hardly the worst I've read.

Why should OP pay for a cleaner to facilitate a grown man sitting on his arse watching TV without lifting a finger?

GoldDustt · 05/04/2023 14:54

He could do a bit after 19:30.

Salaries are irrelevant, makes you sound stuck up.

There's nothing wrong with his day before 19:30, he goes out of the house to work, you don't. Literally get him to do the dishwasher instead of you, or walk the dogs while you don't, or help/cook dinner while you don't. Problem solved.

To say you're a mug seems OTT. You wfh, he doesnt.

myoldmansatrendydustman · 05/04/2023 14:54

Lennybenny · 05/04/2023 12:03

This.

If he can't support with no children, he won't support with children.

Show quote history

If he can't support with no children, he won't support with children.

This nails it.

I had one like this and I got rid.

Now I have one who pulls his weight.

You can do the same.

StepAwayFromTheBiscuitJar · 05/04/2023 14:54

Tbf, chores should be divided equally unless one partner works PT. However, both of you have relatively easy days which is why it comes across a bit as 'I earn £500k but partner only earns £200k, he's slacking isn't he?'

MysteryBelle · 05/04/2023 14:55

You both have it easy.

hummingbirdsinmygarden · 05/04/2023 14:56

Why don't you have a conversation about it?

Or just sit down and watch TV with him and see what happens when he realises dinner doesn't just magically appear out of thin air.

Nanny0gg · 05/04/2023 14:57

Wha · 05/04/2023 14:26

You’ve got a superiority complex because you earn more, and you’re jealous because he loves his job and has good hours but you don’t love yours and have longer hours.

You’re also doing most of the dogcare. Why is that? Are they your dogs, or doga he didn’t particularly like ant? Or are they equally both of yours? If you wanted them and he didn’t, you suck up the dogcare. If they’re shared equally, tell him he isn’t doing his share.

I suggest that, like most dog iwners you only give the dogs two walks a day not three, and also that you use some of your salary to hire a dog walker to do one of those walks. Then you’ll feel much less rushed.

And if you don’t like your job, change it. He isn’t responsible for your career choices.

Did you read the OP's posts?

He does think the dogs are joint and he lays about the place without lifting a finger unless specifically asked.

And I must have missed the part where the OP said she hates her job.

jemimapuddlepluck · 05/04/2023 14:58

Spiderplantweb · 05/04/2023 10:42

My day-
alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds
9:00 start work at my £85k a year job.
12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch.
1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery.
6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen.
8:00 we sit down to watch tv

his day

7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15.
8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work
9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves
17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out.
1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready
1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV.

Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

Yep you are a mug. You are going to get loads of posters telling you that you shouldn't expect anything from him and piling on cos you have mentioned how much you earn. On mumsnet, women don't like other women and love encouraging them to stay with useless men cos it makes them feel better about their own shitty lives. Get him gone OP. Am looking forward to reading rest of thread to see if I'm right now...

Antiquiteas · 05/04/2023 14:59

Glad you’re going to ditch him and prevent the lazy fucker living off you with unbelievable notions of going part-time.

Nanny0gg · 05/04/2023 14:59

GoldDustt · 05/04/2023 14:54

He could do a bit after 19:30.

Salaries are irrelevant, makes you sound stuck up.

There's nothing wrong with his day before 19:30, he goes out of the house to work, you don't. Literally get him to do the dishwasher instead of you, or walk the dogs while you don't, or help/cook dinner while you don't. Problem solved.

To say you're a mug seems OTT. You wfh, he doesnt.

It is relevant (although she could have just posted the difference not the amounts I suppose) because she bankrolls his life and his hobbies and gets little in return.

At least SAHP are doing their fair share (and often more) to manage home and family. He isn't.

Peoplearebloodyidiots · 05/04/2023 14:59

It sounds like he is likely to not change, and that his values are fundamentally different from yours, and that you are incompatible as a couple. If I were in your position OP, I would feel dissatisfied and frustrated with him and would firstly try to address these issues with him, and if things didn't change for the better, then I would leave the relationship.

Those friends who would think ill of you if you were to do this aren't your friends and probably are also not worth having in your life. People see what they want to see. Life is too short to live a life of dissatisfaction. He is a grown adult and can fend for himself, he is not a charity case.

RollingInTheCreek · 05/04/2023 14:59

I agree he should do more. I agree with pp that your life sounds fairly easy!

Sunshineandshowers42 · 05/04/2023 15:00

Sirzy · 05/04/2023 10:45

Have you asked him to help?

to be honest neither of your days sound particularly full on compared to many people

This...

Presumably you don't have kids?

Peachy2005 · 05/04/2023 15:01

OP people are being horrible to you. I’m delighted to see the update that you are planning to extricate yourself from this relationship with this lazy arse. The cheek of him planning to go part-time and expecting you to keep him in the style to which he has become far too accustomed…

Don’t give a second thought to any “friends” who take his side or blame you for the breakup or for his reduced circumstances. They aren’t your friends if they take that attitude.

Your life will be better when it’s just you and the dogs…and it will free you up to potentially meet someone who treats you right and who you could potentially have those longed-for kids with. Either way, you will be free of the additional unwanted housekeeper job you never applied for.

Best of luck 🍀 xx

Zone2NorthLondon · 05/04/2023 15:03

On mn it’s desirable for a man to financially maintain woman,all money should be shared apparently. Sharing finances makes you committed apparently. MN mantra is All finance should be shared, none of this me and you
However if a woman is unhappy that her monies are shared, he’s immediately deemed a dosser and user expecting to share her salary
Gotta love mn double standards