My day versus his day

[Spiderplantweb]

My day-
alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds
9:00 start work at my £85k a year job.
12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch.
1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery.
6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen.
8:00 we sit down to watch tv

his day

7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15.
8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work
9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves
17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out.
1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready
1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV.

Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

Any friend that thinks you need to stay in an unhappy relationship so that he keeps his access to your money, is not a friend anyway.
100% @Naunet

I have read so many posts where the op has children with men like your partner @Spiderplantweb and the amount of posters that say why did you have kids with this man etc I think you will be so much happier without this added weight to your day

@Spiderplantweb he's training you up nicely, isn't he?

If you add kids to this, you will basically be doing everything just like his mummy used to.

Unless he has a huge cock and looks like a cross between a clean Jason Momoa and broody Tom Hardy, why are you putting up with him?

He won't change either. They never do.

@Spiderplantweb

Divorce can be messy but your real friends wouldn't expect you to spend your life with someone who doesn't make you happy just so you can subsidise his rounds at the pub.

Once you've decided to break up with someone- you should do it. Don't drag it out. Do it and get on with your life.

You're not compatible. He sounds lazy and unappreciative of you.

You'll be better off soon.

god mumsnet is full of bitches today. I suppose I should just put up shut up
and pay for the lazy bastard. Women, know your place.

Speak for yourself. I wouldn't put up with it

If you think you're a "mug" it's because that's what you're willing to put up with. You must be reasonably intelligent to be earning that salary, so surely you can suss this one out. Have the conversation, agree a more even split of household chores, and don't let him sit on his arse while you make the dinner, why isn't he doing that sometimes? If he stays over but doesn't live with you all the time, keep it that way, you can guarantee he'll become even more comfortable.

I can't imagine you have genuine friends who will be going "oh no poor H, he now lives in a flat" - why would they?

I expect more of your friends will be thinking it's good that you've dumped a big lazy man baby who sits around watching Hollyoaks while Mummy cooks his tea.

Are you married @Spiderplantweb ?

It’s interesting @GoldenCupidon because you state it as if it is so obvious, but I posted here to try and get an external perspective on how it would be viewed and there is a lot of people who think I am being unreasonable. I should be happy to subsidise him as my partner whilst taking care of him as a parent.

Maybe you should have just chosen a job you love, like he has. He is working full time and seems to have a good work life balance . That’s not to be sniffed at just because you haven’t managed it.

You’ve got a superiority complex because you earn more, and you’re jealous because he loves his job and has good hours but you don’t love yours and have longer hours.

You’re also doing most of the dogcare. Why is that? Are they your dogs, or doga he didn’t particularly like ant? Or are they equally both of yours? If you wanted them and he didn’t, you suck up the dogcare. If they’re shared equally, tell him he isn’t doing his share.

I suggest that, like most dog iwners you only give the dogs two walks a day not three, and also that you use some of your salary to hire a dog walker to do one of those walks. Then you’ll feel much less rushed.

And if you don’t like your job, change it. He isn’t responsible for your career choices.

I think OPs salary relevant. Partner says they are comfortably off so he can go part-time on the back of it.

Why are you with him?! Break up with him! And thank GOD you don’t have kids.

The majority of husbands I know earning 100k+ are all cheating on their wives (my friends are aware) Those high flying , high earning jobs in the city come with their own downfalls..

OP you're getting dickhead responses because you earn a high salary and you don't have children so people will be jealous of what they perceive is your easy life and ignore the fact that you're with a lazy, pisstaking wanker.

Do not have children with him when he's already made it this clear that he's a bone-idle, misogynstic shit.

I mean, 28k is nothing to sniff at. It's very unusual to be earning 85k. Do you feel a bit resentful he doesn't earn like you?

Leave him, I'm not one for saying that often but it sounds like you are very unhappy with the situation. Don't have kids with him. He won't get better at pulling his weight!

I think many people who post on MN (despite the stereotype that everyone has a "six figure salary") are skint and have a lot of caring responsibilities - I guess that's why some people got narky at your post where you earn really well and only have to look after yourself and the dogs.

Maybe it's all a bit distracting because the relevant bits are a) you get up and sort everything out while he lies in b) he sits around all evening while you work, prepare dinner and clean up c) he doesn't contribute much financially OR at home while you do lots of both d) he wants to get more time off while you support him financially.

That makes him a poor and irritating partner whether you earn £20k or £200k.

I wouldn't worry about what friends will think. People split all the time. They'll adjust.

Your stbx will be fine too.

FrostyFifi said the same but better!

@Wha great idea, OP should pay for a dogwalker so she doesn't feel so rushed and then maybe she will be happier doing all of the housework??

And why should she get another job? Why not just do as she is and get rid of the cocklodger??

It won't get better. I was you. Then we had kids, and I was still doing everything and keeping hold of my job by the skin of my teeth.

Then of course, I was too knackered and boring so he started sleeping with all and sundry and leaving the kids even more entirely to me, until I found out, ended it, and the kids didn't notice he was even gone for a month, that's how little he was doing with them

I don't regret my kids, but I do regret burning so much of my resource on a lazy coward like my ex.

Who gives a fuck what your friends think? He’s a lazy cunt and you don’t love him? No brained really

But he only owns 15% of the house so why would he pay more? You own significantly more of the home than he does and earn significantly more so you pay more. Totally logical

Get a cleaner and /or someone to tidy up. He isn't that has really. He could more but hardly the worst I've read.

Op, yes I think you are getting dick head answers too. Probably best not to have mentioned the salary but I get why you did. It sounds to me like you’ve completely checked out of the relationship anyhow now and you say you don’t love him. I would just move on and make plans to split or buy him out. What he chooses to do and live with the rest of his life is his issue.

I think for me the suggestion of going part time because you as the higher earner can support this financially would be a deal breaker considering he brings very little to the table physically and mentally.

Why do people keep making this in to a competition about their busy lives and jobs. Completely irrelevant.

So much jealousy on here - not even thinly disguised.