Page 12 | My day versus his day

Spiderplantweb · 2023-04-05T09:42:19+00:00

My day- alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds 9:00 start work at my £85k a year job. 12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch. 1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery. 6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen. 8:00 we sit down to watch tv his day 7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15. 8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work 9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves 17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out. 1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready 1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV. Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

maddiemookins16mum · 05/04/2023 13:20

How many hours does he work if he’s not leaving the house until 9am and is home by 5?

MrsMullerBecameABaby · 05/04/2023 13:21

Lilaccardigan · 05/04/2023 12:04

I can’t believe there are so many people here who think because the op has a good salary and no children she deserves to be unhappy and taken advantage of. Apparently because they’re ‘2 minute jobs’ she should just do them all and her husband doesn’t have to take on any of them or despite them being so easy so I’m not sure why he couldn’t cope with them.

There’s another thread running which says women should have high bars and be careful who they have children with but apparently not many posters are on both as on here op should just accept it.

Can I also point out people may want to rein in their bitter rants at posters they know about five facts about before hiding them to spend all day ‘pottering about’ as you have no idea of the entirety of what is happening in an OPs life. For one thing I feel awful for any people on here who are infertile.

Nobody thinks she deserves to be unhappy though do they.

Can you quote a post saying that she deserves to be unhappy?

She doesn't love him, they don't have shared children meaning that perhaps they should see if they can work on the causes of the resentment in order to perhaps save the relationship or be able to amicably co-parent without a romantic relationship, so she should leave - and she is doing.

That doesn't change the fact that neither of them have onerous schedules and it doesn't change the fact that the op has chosen to relatedly state her high salary for short hours from home and her dog walking to an audience on a forum where the majority of readers are parenting young children and working for salaries more comparable to her partner's.

Some of the answers are verbal equivalents of eye rolls because she hasn't read the room.

Tbh my hackles were raised by the salaries especially as he goes out to work and she works 7 hours from home, and she claims he works for a low wage in a job he loves but then that he wants to go part time. This is often the argument the man in a very stereotypical heterosexual relationship with children will use to imply that his wife owes him and he is the put upon one. Man in a socially less useful work from home desk job job often earns more than his wife in a job like teaching or nursing (especially if they mutually agreed she take time out when the children were small to do childcare and domestic work while his career took off).

Men often claim that if they earn a lot more and their wife's traditionally female dominated job is vocational socially useful) and she has insisted on continuing to work even though perhaps the couple could afford for her to do full time domestic work in their home, "she loves her job" and therefore she owes him and should be carrying most of the domestic load as well as working and still be grateful and know her inferior place....

Rachaelrachael · 05/04/2023 13:23

LTB

Supernova23 · 05/04/2023 13:23

Naunet · 05/04/2023 13:14

Are you not aware that different dogs have different energy levels?

Why do you think he’s entitled to do no housework and that OP should be his skivvy?

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Don't be so patronising. I have a working line German Shepherd, so I think I know what high energy is. No dog NEED three walks a day, this is a choice you make. Content well trained/stimulated dogs should be able to settle in the house. Some peoples dogs are bouncing off the walls because they are OVER stimulated and can't switch off.

Rosula · 05/04/2023 13:24

FloydPepper · 05/04/2023 11:08

She earns almost 4 times more, so yes, she should pay 4 times more.

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Since when did 4x28 equal 85? MN exaggeration strikes yet again.

vodkaredbullgirl · 05/04/2023 13:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Zone2NorthLondon · 05/04/2023 13:26

Well that mn mantra is money is shared and if you’re financially comfortable yes one adult can go PT
Oh of course that one adult going PT is usually the male and the highest salary earner is expected to shoulder that burden

Delatron · 05/04/2023 13:26

Moveoverdarlin · 05/04/2023 13:09

He does very little, but you don’t do that much either. Boiling kettle, eating breakfast and loading a dishwasher with just two people in the house, can’t take long. Making beds? What does that take 60 seconds? Just stop doing it. His argument would be that you get to work from home, so makes sense for you to run hoover round when someone else is paying you 85k. If you’re resenting him earning a fraction of what u do and you supporting him, that’s a whole different matter. Tell him he can go part-time, as long as he takes over kettle boiling duties.

What rubbish! If the partner does nothing then she’ll be doing everything that is involved in running a house - cooking, cleaning, washing, bills. Why are we diminishing this work and letting him get away with doing nothing?

Naunet · 05/04/2023 13:26

Supernova23 · 05/04/2023 13:23

Don't be so patronising. I have a working line German Shepherd, so I think I know what high energy is. No dog NEED three walks a day, this is a choice you make. Content well trained/stimulated dogs should be able to settle in the house. Some peoples dogs are bouncing off the walls because they are OVER stimulated and can't switch off.

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That REALLY depends on the length of the walk and any mental stimulation, as you surely know. To flat out say no dog needs 3 walks a day without any context, is ridiculous. Its not a factual statement.

I wasn’t being patronising by the way, it was a genuine question, no need to get defensive.

RobertsRadio · 05/04/2023 13:26

Glad to hear you have seen a solicitor Op, and that the wheels are in motion to divorce him, the lazy arse.

If I was in your position I wouldn't marry again, stick with the dogs and a FWB for when you fancy a shag. Good luck with the divorce.

Naunet · 05/04/2023 13:27

Zone2NorthLondon · 05/04/2023 13:26

Well that mn mantra is money is shared and if you’re financially comfortable yes one adult can go PT
Oh of course that one adult going PT is usually the male and the highest salary earner is expected to shoulder that burden

No it’s not, especially when not married and no kids. If you want to give your money away to a man just because he shares your bed, go for it, but don’t expect us all to be such mugs.

Rosula · 05/04/2023 13:28

emmathedilemma · 05/04/2023 11:10

If there's only 2 of you and 1 is at work all day, the dishwasher shouldn't need to go on every night or are you cooking him a 3 course dinner every night to add to your already "super busy day"??

Two breakfasts, one lunch, two dinners, cups of tea/coffee etc during the day, dogs' stuff ...

And bear in mind that half size dishwashers are pretty common.

Explain exactly how this is relevant to the query in the OP?

easterbunnysbum · 05/04/2023 13:28

Do you love your job too?

MrsMullerBecameABaby · 05/04/2023 13:29

GobbieMaggie · 05/04/2023 12:50

And I hope you pool all family money and share it out equally after all bills are paid. That’s the MN way , isn’t it ? 😀

That's only ever "the MN way" when the couple have joint children or where one partner has made career sacrifices to support the other (for example agreeing to move frequently or internationally for their partner's career or taking on all the childcare so the partner can work away or unsocial/ long hours).

Generally when salaries are very unequal the lower earner's earning capacity has taken a big hit due to child rearing/ periods of time when one parent's career progression was given lower priority in order to support the other partner by doing their share of childcare and domestic work or by moving geographically with one partner's career.

Clusterfunk · 05/04/2023 13:29

Zone2NorthLondon · 05/04/2023 13:26

Well that mn mantra is money is shared and if you’re financially comfortable yes one adult can go PT
Oh of course that one adult going PT is usually the male and the highest salary earner is expected to shoulder that burden

There is normally the expectation that the pt partner then picks up more of the slack round the house etc but not a chance of that here when she already does everything on top of a ft job.

Rosula · 05/04/2023 13:30

dietcokelime · 05/04/2023 11:11

"Sorting the house out" being unload a dishwasher and make a brew?

Tbh neither of your days sound terribly hectic, sounds normal and quite relaxed!

I think that perhaps it is a mountain and molehill situation tbh OP. You've not mentioned 80% of the things that normal people do day to day, who does all of the extra bits?

It's pretty bloody obvious that OP does all the extras, isn't it? When is her partner going to manage to do it in between his hectic round of sleeping, getting up, watching TV and going to bed?

Tiswa · 05/04/2023 13:31

Zone2NorthLondon · 05/04/2023 13:26

Well that mn mantra is money is shared and if you’re financially comfortable yes one adult can go PT
Oh of course that one adult going PT is usually the male and the highest salary earner is expected to shoulder that burden

I have never seen this in a relationship without children.
when children are involved then yes as often the one who is part time then shoulders a proportionate amount of childcare and household responsibilities

the point is the OP is making is that she shoulders the financial and household burden and he just wants to go part time to do nothing.

there is no one size fits all as all relationships are different, here he is definitely taking the piss

Grannyd47 · 05/04/2023 13:32

The amount they both earn is relevant, beause normally sex inequalityin earnings has it the other way round and this is used as an excuse why men should do less domestically. There is no excuse for his failures. But MNers too quick to say "Get rid". Men can be retrained to do better (think Super Nanny for men) I.e DONT DO IT ALL, make him see the consequences of his idleness! No shopping done,no meals cooked etc. Or only buy food you like and leave him to cook other stuff

AmaryIlis · 05/04/2023 13:34

Throwing the salaries in is likely to put women's backs up because in situations where there are children women's earnings have often tumbled to a similar ratio with their partner because of time out and part time work mutually agreed between partners for childcare, but then the higher earning man will often gaslight his lower earning wife/ partner and assert that it's absolutely right that she should do all childcare and domestic work because she earns less - and often use his salary to justify effectively being his wife's "boss"

As OP isn't expecting her partner to do all childcare and domestic work, this is a total non-argument.

Ktime · 05/04/2023 13:34

GobbieMaggie · 05/04/2023 12:53

….. or when the woman is the higher earner !. Gotta be a name for that 🤔

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When the woman is the higher earner and he does fuck all? The name is cocklodger.

femfemlicious · 05/04/2023 13:35

Why are you doing it.

FrangipaniBlue · 05/04/2023 13:35

Wow the vipers are out in force today, must be school holidays.....

If OP had said children instead of dogs I'm fairly certain she'd have gotten a much more empathetic response

@Spiderplantweb your household scenario could literally be my husband and I (scarily so actually!)

But the big difference is that we share the load.

DH walks the dog in the morning because I walk him at lunchtime.

One of us makes tea in the evening, while the other walks the dog!

AmaryIlis · 05/04/2023 13:37

DivaDarling · 05/04/2023 11:24

Your life is not hectic but you sound begrudging and hung up on the fact you earn more-so what!

Poor fucker-I hope he finds a way out soon.

Anyway, away back to putting the kettle on and doing your daily online shop.

If finds a way out, he won't know what's hit him when his dinner stops appearing magically in front of him every evening and those dirty plates just refuse to wash themselves.

JKTrolling · 05/04/2023 13:40

You day seems pretty standard and easy. Do you find time to do any exercise other than walk the dog?

Tortelemon · 05/04/2023 13:42

I’m not sure why you are getting the replies you are getting.

He sounds very lazy. Are you married? Who owns the house?

I couldn’t respect someone who watched me run around after them while they relax. As for going part time - he is taking the piss. Maybe suggest you go down to 15 hours a week and you split everything 50/50. You’ll terrify him!