My day versus his day

[Spiderplantweb]

My day-
alarm goes off at 7, I get straight up get ready take the dogs out at 7:30, back at 8:30, feed the dogs water, put kettle on, unload the dishwasher, have breakfast. Go upstairs make beds
9:00 start work at my £85k a year job.
12:30 take dogs out, put hoover round and grab lunch.
1:30 get back to work. Pay a few bills and organise shopping delivery.
6:00 he comes home, we take dogs out. I cook dinner load dishwasher, feed dogs, wipe round kitchen.
8:00 we sit down to watch tv

his day

7:00 gets woken up by my alarm, tools over goes back to sleep until 8:15.
8:30 gets out of bed, gets ready to go to work
9:00 leaves house for £28k a year job he loves
17:00 comes back home and sits down to watch tv until I am ready to go out.
1800 accompanies me on the evening walk and then watches tv until dinner is ready
1930 joins me for dinner and then goes back to watch TV.

Im an absolute bloody mug aren’t I.

Exactly. There are some pretty daft replies on this thread.

god mumsnet is full of bitches today. I suppose I should just put up shut up
and pay for the lazy bastard. Women, know your place.

It's the opposite really though isn't it? Most are baffled that you tolerate him.

Oh nonsense he will 😂

IF they are married. Why are you on this thread? Are you a bitter divorced man, taking joy in the idea of a woman being screwed over financially? Bizarre.

You don't need to hoover, pay bills or order shopping daily. Regardless, tell him that henceforth he's in charge of shopping and 2 dog walks a day (or whatever else would suit you).

First of nothing to say they are married or indeed what assets there are. I assume a house but yes of course equity would be split.

It's a pretty fair bet that a £85K a year job is a whole lot more stressful and onerous than a £28K a year job that her partner loves.

She's perfectly free to get a less stressful job if it's an issue.

Delighted to read you are getting rid of this selfish lazy loser.

Yes you picked him, but now you know better.

Well done.

Be ruthless and give him the very least you can get away with.

He has used you enough.

In the interim, stop doi g ANYTHING for him.

Stop paying for ANYTHING that benefits him.

He does very little, but you don’t do that much either. Boiling kettle, eating breakfast and loading a dishwasher with just two people in the house, can’t take long. Making beds? What does that take 60 seconds? Just stop doing it. His argument would be that you get to work from home, so makes sense for you to run hoover round when someone else is paying you 85k. If you’re resenting him earning a fraction of what u do and you supporting him, that’s a whole different matter. Tell him he can go part-time, as long as he takes over kettle boiling duties.

Are you suggesting she should get a less stressful job so that she can be a better skivvy for a man?! 😂

Its not her job she’s complaining about, it’s her partner not pulling his weight.

Why is it lovely for OP to be doing everything whilst her partner sits around expecting to be waited on? He can't possibly assume she's happy with the way things are given that she says she's repeatedly asked him to contribute more. Besides, who with half a brain cell really believes their partner is happy to wait on them on top of doing a full time job?

Salary clearly becomes relevant when a part of this man's cocklodging consists of enjoying a lifestyle OP is working to pay for the lion's share.

Honestly, the contortions people are going into in these responses to make out there is nothing wrong with OP's set-up are bizarre.

Why do your dogs need three walks a day? mine get one long a day, this is plenty, especially in your case as you are at home all day? your day sounds dreamy to be honest. Work from home in a "85k a year job" - what is it and can I have it? I work 48 hours a week minimum for what your other half earns, in our grossly underfunded, understaffed, nightmareish, A&E. You sound really snobbish and bitter towards him because he "loves" his job and earns less. Doesn't mean he's worth less than you. I help save lives every day for that salary - do you?

So why exactly does that make it OK for her partner to do bugger all around the house?

Yep, apparently now women need to figure out if there is a fair divide in their relationship by comparing themselves to other women, the more downtrodden the better, rather than comparing what they contribute to what their partner contributes. Who knew!

Are you not aware that different dogs have different energy levels?

Why do you think he’s entitled to do no housework and that OP should be his skivvy?

This is a woman with incredible power

financially very strong
no children with him

limited sympathy for navel gazing about his lazy arse. Dump him. What’s stopping you?

This is the bloke you chose?

Their relative salaries? Face it, he's not likely to be contributing more than around 30% at most to expenses; given his attitude to his responsibilities, I strongly suspect it's a lot less.

Did you decide to get dogs together or were they with you when you met? Tbh I don't have much to do with caring for the pets that DH came with.

I agree he should be doing more around the house. I expect that one person cooks and the other person cleans at least. I would resent him just sitting and watching TV, I find that really boring.

I don't think your salaries are relevant. Presumably if you desired to go part-time you could find a way to do it.

Whether OP has children or not is utterly irrelevant to this thread. Does anyone seriously believe her partner would do his share of childcare if she did?

OP works longer hours than her partner and is still expected to do all of the housework and cooking. Her wage becomes relevant because he now wants to go part time and have her fund it, presumably while she still does all of the above. Note, she tried for 5 years to get him to do stuff with no change, so she HAS discussed this with him.

I don’t think any of the other crap people are picking up on matters. So what if she wfh, doesn’t have kids or has “a nice dog walk”. He’s still taking the piss.

OP, if you’ve tried to get him to pull his weight before without him changing then you are doing the right thing. He’ll promise you the world and it’s dog when you drop the bombshell but he won’t deliver. Hope it doesn’t go too badly when you tell him.

I think there are a lot of wind up merchants on here that just like to offer a contrary opinion and bang on about it be very insistent they're right, just for fun.

There are also some people who get a kick out of telling everyone how successful they're being at working eleventy billion hours a week, while bringing up twenty children and doing all the housework single-handedly. And why can't you all be as perfect?

Then there are the thinly disguised men misogynists who love to criticise any woman on here who's not a slave to their husbands.

In the real world OP, your husband is a fucking nightmare. How he can sit and watch you do everything while he swans around, is just infuriating. You're right to take action obviously. I'm sure life will be so much easier without this millstone round your neck.

Oh and whatever smug people say, you can't make another adult help if they have no shame.

If you seriously believe that this man is doing any of those jobs in a 9-5 day, you're deluded in the extreme. Why do you assume OP isn't doing a job that is essential to society? And why is it relevant to the fact that he's expecting OP to be his servant at home?

Your last sentence sounds like you're in a Victorian novel.