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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is so cheeky?

679 replies

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 09:10

I'm on a group chat for a running group. There are around 10 of us on this group but people dip in and out depending on job/life etc. Sometimes new people join the group, some leave, and we go out for dinner about once every 4 months or so and it's a nice way for everyone to get together (if they want). Sometimes there are 10 people there, sometimes 2 it just depends on how busy people are. Any one of us will suggest getting together, no one is 'in charge' of the group.

Last night I posted a message to see if anyone fancied meeting up for dinner/drinks next week. A couple of people replied 'sure, what about the new Chinese etc' and a few more people responded with a yes, some with a no, the usual stuff.

One woman, who I've only met once because she joined a month ago and we've never run at the same time since, (the group meet twice a week, I always try to make one of them) said 'I can't afford dinner out, let's just go to Willow's since she suggested the get together'.

I don't want to host 7 people at my house on a Wednesday night. I didn't invite everyone to mine and the fact that she said she can't afford it suggests that she expects me to pay for everything - which I would if I invited people round, but I haven't. I fancied paying £15 for the Chinese buffet and being home by half nine!

Another member said we always just meet for dinner somewhere, it's easier for everyone that way. To which she has responded with a snippy 'if you invite, you host'.

I haven't responded yet - I will - but I absolutely do not want to host. I just think this is really fucking rude?

OP posts:
TrashyPanda · 05/04/2023 12:52

She’s really rude.

NooNakedJacuzziness · 05/04/2023 12:53

I'm surprised no one's suggested she might be autistic yet

DrPrunesquallor · 05/04/2023 12:54

What a cheek inviting everyone round to your house.
Unbelievable.
If she can’t afford dinner out then obviously she’s not going.
I wouldn’t feel that I needed to explain myself.
I think the other friend posting with ‘ we usually eat out’ clearly feels the same as you and I’d leave it at that.

HaveSomeIntrospect · 05/04/2023 12:55

Great response, let us know how it goes

Naunet · 05/04/2023 12:59

NooNakedJacuzziness · 05/04/2023 12:53

I'm surprised no one's suggested she might be autistic yet

That’s only trotted out to excuse arsehole men

TonTonMacoute · 05/04/2023 13:01

Don't worry about it. All she is doing is raising red flags about herself.

Who in your group is thinking they would like to get to know her better? No one!

Barbecuebeans · 05/04/2023 13:05

Ankleblisters · 05/04/2023 09:20

It wasn't an 'invite'. It was a suggestion!

This!

callmeblondee · 05/04/2023 13:11

I would say no I am not hosting at my house, we will go out for dinner as usual and maybe you can come next time. Thanks

FlamingoQueen · 05/04/2023 13:11

I can’t believe someone that you don’t even know would be that rude! It seems like everyone else has your back though which is nice!

ThomasinaLivesHere · 05/04/2023 13:19

She obviously has issues either emotional or financial and is taking it out with passive aggressive messages.

Original poster
WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 13:20

She's responded with a rolly eye emoji. One of these > 🙄.

I'm ignoring it completely, I really can't be bothered with any drama. It's a really nice group of people and although I always try to make any newcomer feel welcome (I was a newbie a few years ago), I'm not engaging with this shit.

OP posts:
Delatron · 05/04/2023 13:21

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 13:20

She's responded with a rolly eye emoji. One of these > 🙄.

I'm ignoring it completely, I really can't be bothered with any drama. It's a really nice group of people and although I always try to make any newcomer feel welcome (I was a newbie a few years ago), I'm not engaging with this shit.

She sounds like she’s making a great impression on a group of people she doesn’t know. I’d ignore every message she posts from now on. She sounds awful.

BoneBrothByDayDonutByNight · 05/04/2023 13:23

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 13:20

She's responded with a rolly eye emoji. One of these > 🙄.

I'm ignoring it completely, I really can't be bothered with any drama. It's a really nice group of people and although I always try to make any newcomer feel welcome (I was a newbie a few years ago), I'm not engaging with this shit.

Imma call it: she's a biiiiiiiiiiiiishhhhhh.

I don't think she'll be in the group long....

OR is this where you drip feed you ran over her cat or something? 😉

billy1966 · 05/04/2023 13:24

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 13:20

She's responded with a rolly eye emoji. One of these > 🙄.

I'm ignoring it completely, I really can't be bothered with any drama. It's a really nice group of people and although I always try to make any newcomer feel welcome (I was a newbie a few years ago), I'm not engaging with this shit.

She's the dregs, good call not to engage at all.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 05/04/2023 13:24

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 13:20

She's responded with a rolly eye emoji. One of these > 🙄.

I'm ignoring it completely, I really can't be bothered with any drama. It's a really nice group of people and although I always try to make any newcomer feel welcome (I was a newbie a few years ago), I'm not engaging with this shit.

Sounds like she is definitely not making new friends.

OhwhyOY · 05/04/2023 13:25

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 13:20

She's responded with a rolly eye emoji. One of these > 🙄.

I'm ignoring it completely, I really can't be bothered with any drama. It's a really nice group of people and although I always try to make any newcomer feel welcome (I was a newbie a few years ago), I'm not engaging with this shit.

Not accusing you of lying but I can't believe anyone would have the gall to do this. How absolutely outrageous! The eye roll as well. If I was one of the group admins I might 'accidentally' delete her from the group whatsapp/email.

strawberry2017 · 05/04/2023 13:26

Wow that is cheeky to another level!

BoneBrothByDayDonutByNight · 05/04/2023 13:27

But seriously her logic is so off. Does she think that every table in every restaurant is being paid for by the person who suggested the dinner. I like to try and find the logical other side to the posts, but I am absolutely baffled by her way of communicating. If I was too broke I'd just say 'bit tight this month, I'll join next time' not try and force my way into someone else's home. So bizarre.

What sort of age is she OP? Is she NT? And is this her first interaction on the group chat? I'm so invested...(slow work day!).

Original poster
WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 13:30

And stupidly, as a chronic people pleaser I'm feeling a bit crappy about it, which I know is really stupid!

OP posts:
Delatron · 05/04/2023 13:31

Who is admin to the group? I honestly don’t think anyone needs that shit in a friendly running group - she’s not going to be a pleasant addition to the group. If this is her trying to make friends..
Think she needs to be deleted…

TinyTear · 05/04/2023 13:31

if an old friend of mine wasn't already in a bunch of running groups, i would ask @WillowtreeHouse if you are in North London as it's the sort of blunt stupid thing she would probably do...

ignore her, and then she can leave and play the victim somewhere else and say how noone wanted to socialise with her and no one understood her and her 'cozzieliv' difficulties

NellyNoName · 05/04/2023 13:32

She sounds an absolute tit. I’d remove her from the WhatsApp group then block her.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/04/2023 13:33

Valour · 05/04/2023 09:14

"I'm not hosting. Shall we say 7 at the Chinese?"

This - or one of the other suggestions like it.

You could add “I wasn’t inviting I was suggesting- hopefully see you another time if this doesn’t work for you”

OutDamnedSpot · 05/04/2023 13:34

Don’t feel bad. You’ve done nothing wrong.

Who added her to the group? It really needs them (or another group member) to respond now, not you.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 05/04/2023 13:34

Sounds like she is definitely not making new friends.

It's certainly an unusual strategy, I'll grant you, to join a group because you want to put some effort into making some new enemies!

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