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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is so cheeky?

679 replies

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 09:10

I'm on a group chat for a running group. There are around 10 of us on this group but people dip in and out depending on job/life etc. Sometimes new people join the group, some leave, and we go out for dinner about once every 4 months or so and it's a nice way for everyone to get together (if they want). Sometimes there are 10 people there, sometimes 2 it just depends on how busy people are. Any one of us will suggest getting together, no one is 'in charge' of the group.

Last night I posted a message to see if anyone fancied meeting up for dinner/drinks next week. A couple of people replied 'sure, what about the new Chinese etc' and a few more people responded with a yes, some with a no, the usual stuff.

One woman, who I've only met once because she joined a month ago and we've never run at the same time since, (the group meet twice a week, I always try to make one of them) said 'I can't afford dinner out, let's just go to Willow's since she suggested the get together'.

I don't want to host 7 people at my house on a Wednesday night. I didn't invite everyone to mine and the fact that she said she can't afford it suggests that she expects me to pay for everything - which I would if I invited people round, but I haven't. I fancied paying £15 for the Chinese buffet and being home by half nine!

Another member said we always just meet for dinner somewhere, it's easier for everyone that way. To which she has responded with a snippy 'if you invite, you host'.

I haven't responded yet - I will - but I absolutely do not want to host. I just think this is really fucking rude?

OP posts:
Original poster
WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 13:35

Not north London @TinyTear .

OP posts:
Yabadabadoooooooooooooo · 05/04/2023 13:36

Rolly eyed emoji. 😄

You have got to love her. How entertaining!

JenniferBarkley · 05/04/2023 13:37

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 13:30

And stupidly, as a chronic people pleaser I'm feeling a bit crappy about it, which I know is really stupid!

Don't feel bad! If it was a genuine misunderstanding, poor social skills thing she would have apologised - the rolling eyes just confirms she's a bit of a dick. Steer clear and know you've done nothing more.

isitshe · 05/04/2023 13:37

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 13:20

She's responded with a rolly eye emoji. One of these > 🙄.

I'm ignoring it completely, I really can't be bothered with any drama. It's a really nice group of people and although I always try to make any newcomer feel welcome (I was a newbie a few years ago), I'm not engaging with this shit.

Oh I wouldn't engage with it either but by fuck, I'd be pissed off. Talk about not reading the room. Someone new coming in can change the whole group dynamic & ethos & it's very annoying when you were all plodding along so nicely before.
Hopefully everyone will show zero tolerance, carry on as before, largely ignore her, & she'll realise she has no audience. She sounds like the kind of person who may try to start calling the shots.

Strugglingtodomybest · 05/04/2023 13:37

I think you're handling it well OP. What's that expression about giving someone enough rope?!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/04/2023 13:39

She does sound awful. Surely if you join a ready established group, you go with the flow?

Dixiechickonhols · 05/04/2023 13:44

She’s showing herself to be an utter idiot I’m sure everyone will give her a wide birth going forwards.

cstaff · 05/04/2023 13:46

Well at least you have been forewarned that you have a complete CF in your group and will be able to give her a wide berth from now on. I can't believe the f'ing cheek. Some people have no shame.

Dixiechickonhols · 05/04/2023 13:47

JenniferBarkley · 05/04/2023 13:37

Don't feel bad! If it was a genuine misunderstanding, poor social skills thing she would have apologised - the rolling eyes just confirms she's a bit of a dick. Steer clear and know you've done nothing more.

Show quote history

Definitely. You have nothing to feel bad for and it will be a shame if you are hesitant to say let’s meet up just because of this.
If it was she had misunderstood or was a genuinely cultural/socially awkward moment then she’d have either not said anything more or said something like hopefully join you next time.

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 05/04/2023 13:49

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 13:20

She's responded with a rolly eye emoji. One of these > 🙄.

I'm ignoring it completely, I really can't be bothered with any drama. It's a really nice group of people and although I always try to make any newcomer feel welcome (I was a newbie a few years ago), I'm not engaging with this shit.

What a cheeky mare!

BlackBarbies · 05/04/2023 13:51

She has no shame! I’d be so embarrassed, especially in a group that I’m new too

Noshowlomo · 05/04/2023 13:54

Hope someone else in the group says something. Seems this this b!tch is out to cause drama

Fraaahnces · 05/04/2023 13:57

Suspect she’s one of life’s takers and just isn’t impressed that your group isn’t immediately folding to her demands.

RichardHeed · 05/04/2023 13:58

If it was a genuine misunderstanding, poor social skills thing she would have apologised - the rolling eyes just confirms she's a bit of a dick.
Exactly this.

You’re doing the right thing by not feeding into the drama, people like her just want the drama, then to play victim and woe is me when she’s called out on it. Hopefully she will decide your nice group is not for her and she will leave, her attitude is going to leave her ostracised anyway.

woodhill · 05/04/2023 13:59

Be interesting to see if she comes

Eye rolling is rude as you'd think she wouldn't say anything or apologise to you for the misunderstanding

JenniferBarkley · 05/04/2023 13:59

At least you know the conversation on the night out won't flag, everyone will be loving discussing this Grin

Delatron · 05/04/2023 14:01

Which bit did she respond the eye roll to? Your message or your friends? So rude!

WoofWoofBeachLife · 05/04/2023 14:02

You need to keep updating us with her progression in the group now OP 🤣🤣

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 05/04/2023 14:03

Be interesting to see if she comes

I wouldn't put it past her to come along, but just to join with the chat, and she will 'eat before she comes out'.

Then comes the "Ooooh, that DOES look nice, does it taste good too, does it? Are you enjoying that? Could I just try a forkful.... or two?" and "It's so great to be here with you folks, but I really wish that I could afford a drink too".

Some CFs are extremely good at eating their share, but not actually paying for it.

NooNakedJacuzziness · 05/04/2023 14:05

Ooh I'd be steaming at the eye roll but probably best to take the high ground and just ignore (after thinking up all the responses I'd like to hit her with!)

Dixiechickonhols · 05/04/2023 14:06

Wonder if she’ll pop up on mumsnet in a week or two saying how unfriendly new running group was!

Aaaaandbreathe · 05/04/2023 14:09

An eye roll emoji!? Just when I thought she couldn't be any more rude!

I would be hoping she never makes an event again and I bet the rest of the group are thinking the same.

My mind is actually blown she would tell an almost stranger to change their plans and host a group of people just because the plans don't suit them personally.

And don't feel bad, she's the one who should feel bad but she clearly doesn't so don't give her another seconds thought.

I'm honestly in shock people do this sort of thing. Wow.

TubbsTattysyrup · 05/04/2023 14:09

I so want this running group to be the one I was considering joining, until someone popped up on their advert on the local Facebook group who could SO easily be this person! As soon as I discovered she was a member I changed my mind! I’m very invested in this story!

RedToothBrush · 05/04/2023 14:11

I'm sorry, did you mean to be so rude there? That was incredibly passive aggressive to post that emoji.

We've never 'hosted' at people's houses before. My offer of organising a meal out was made in good faith and based on what the group has done previously. Whilst I have sympathy that you can't afford to come on this occasion, its not compulsory and it was simply something that has been popular with others in the past.

Its not nice to get someone new who then tries to railroad someone making a nice suggestion, tries to impose themselves and others to come to my house and then is flat out rude when they don't have their idea taken up. You've really acted in a way thats been unnecessary and tried to put me in an awkward position in a really petulant fashion.

If you want to do something in future, you are welcome to organise something that suits you. If you are happy to host at yours, thats great, but don't expect everyone to want to/be able to do similar. Feel free to organise a group event yourself for another time.

And watch her squirm. If she puts her toys out the pram, you've said nothing out of turn. If she wants to make it into a drama fine, but I would challenge her on her manner.

gokartdillydilly · 05/04/2023 14:11

WoofWoofBeachLife · 05/04/2023 14:02

You need to keep updating us with her progression in the group now OP 🤣🤣

This! 😂

We had a CF in a very small WhatsApp group. It got remade, minus the CF, and renamed XGroup (NFT). 'No Fucking Twats'. Life is too short to be bothered with such people