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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is so cheeky?

679 replies

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 09:10

I'm on a group chat for a running group. There are around 10 of us on this group but people dip in and out depending on job/life etc. Sometimes new people join the group, some leave, and we go out for dinner about once every 4 months or so and it's a nice way for everyone to get together (if they want). Sometimes there are 10 people there, sometimes 2 it just depends on how busy people are. Any one of us will suggest getting together, no one is 'in charge' of the group.

Last night I posted a message to see if anyone fancied meeting up for dinner/drinks next week. A couple of people replied 'sure, what about the new Chinese etc' and a few more people responded with a yes, some with a no, the usual stuff.

One woman, who I've only met once because she joined a month ago and we've never run at the same time since, (the group meet twice a week, I always try to make one of them) said 'I can't afford dinner out, let's just go to Willow's since she suggested the get together'.

I don't want to host 7 people at my house on a Wednesday night. I didn't invite everyone to mine and the fact that she said she can't afford it suggests that she expects me to pay for everything - which I would if I invited people round, but I haven't. I fancied paying £15 for the Chinese buffet and being home by half nine!

Another member said we always just meet for dinner somewhere, it's easier for everyone that way. To which she has responded with a snippy 'if you invite, you host'.

I haven't responded yet - I will - but I absolutely do not want to host. I just think this is really fucking rude?

OP posts:
Pseudonamed · 05/04/2023 12:09

Shes a cheeky fuck. Just ignore what she says. Some people have brass necks.

Nothingbuttheglory · 05/04/2023 12:10

No doubt someone would eventually give in and pay the extra share but if no one did what would the restaurant do I wonder?

Call the police on the group as a whole for refusing to pay? Or I wonder if booking a table at a restaurant creates some sort of contract and the person who booked the table would be liable... IANAL.

Best response on the chat would have been to completely ignore it, carry on as if nothing had happened. Clear message sent, and in the unlikely event it was a cultural difference, minimum drama.

Yabadabadoooooooooooooo · 05/04/2023 12:11

You'd wonder how she had got this far in life without realising you can't invite yourself and others round to someone's house, especially if you don't know them, and insist they provide dinner. I would ignore her message and I wouldn't have much time for her on future runs

Aweebitpainful · 05/04/2023 12:13

Blimey. Top CF badge goes to her…

Kolakalia · 05/04/2023 12:21

Sorry OP, I think someone is having a laugh at your expense. Bit cruel. I'd have just laugh reacted her message and otherwise ignored it instead of biting.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 05/04/2023 12:21

She was a very... odd person! She knew they weren't offering to pay, but wanted a free meal and knew they'd have to foot the bill as she couldn't. The only thing they did wrong was give her a second chance, she was well known for being grabby.

They should bring back the workhouses - but not for the poor or debtors who've met with challenging circumstances, but exclusively for freeloading CFs like that! That would wipe the grin off her face if, when she says "So then, who's going to pay for my lovely free meal?!", you could reply "YOU are - by scrubbing Piers Morgan's toilet for the next three months!"

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 05/04/2023 12:23

Does she know where you live? You could always agree to host, on the strict understanding that everybody needs to fairly contribute financially to the cost - as she isn't the only one feeling the pinch.

Give her your address: "You know the flat above the Chinese restaurant? Well, it's just below there."

7millionIcanhandlethat · 05/04/2023 12:24

I know cheeky fuckers exist but their audacity blows my mind every time I read things like this. Who the fuck would have the nerve?! Do people like this not realise its rude? Or do they not care? I cannot understand it.

Snugglemonkey · 05/04/2023 12:26

Coffeellama · 05/04/2023 09:13

Just reply ‘no in this group we meet at other places, it was a suggestion for a meet up not an invite to pay and cook for you all sorry’ add in a laughing emoji or something. Just nip it in the bud quickly and naturally rather than making a big deal.

This. Definitely with the "in this group".

WickedSerious · 05/04/2023 12:27

lemmein · 05/04/2023 10:57

People like this just fascinate me 😅

Me too.

What the hell makes them think this is okay?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 05/04/2023 12:27

Who the fuck would have the nerve?! Do people like this not realise its rude? Or do they not care? I cannot understand it.

They treat people like commodities and just make sure that they give them what they demand; and if the people refuse, even after the fake waterworks, they just drop them like a hot turd and move on to the next marks.

I don't know about this particular woman, but there are plenty of people out there who would deliberately join a group like this solely for what they reckoned they could rinse the other members of.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 05/04/2023 12:28

It made me laugh and now I wish I was part of this running group.

custardbear · 05/04/2023 12:31

I'd say 'feel free to host yourself at your house on another night, this date we're off for a Chinese'

Beaverbridge · 05/04/2023 12:32

What a cheek. Ignore her.

RosesInWater · 05/04/2023 12:33

Ignore. "Hi folks, see you at 7 at the Chinese, looking forward to it"

SuzieBishop · 05/04/2023 12:34

Please let us know if she responds to your or the other persons message!!!

LumpyandBumps · 05/04/2023 12:35

Wishimaywishimight · 05/04/2023 11:53

Just out of curiosity, has anyone ever been at a dinner with one of these CFs and they turned up, ate and drank, and then said they assumed the person who suggested the meeting was paying? Just wondering how it would be handled i.e. if everyone but the CF chipped in so there was a balance outstanding. No doubt someone would eventually give in and pay the extra share but if no one did what would the restaurant do I wonder?

I can’t see how the restaurant could hold the other diners more responsible for paying than the one who consumed the food. Groups eating out together is sometimes a bit of a strange dynamic, with some splitting the bill equally, etc, but logically there is no reason for anyone to subsidise another adult just because they are choosing to share a table with them.
I assume it rarely happens due to embarrassment, but if the others don’t pay then it would be for the restaurant to pursue the non payer. I think the days of being made to do the washing up are firmly in the past.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 05/04/2023 12:35

I'd say 'feel free to host yourself at your house on another night, this date we're off for a Chinese'

I love that - the ultimate passive aggressive way of saying "Why don't you just go and.... host yourself!" Grin

billy1966 · 05/04/2023 12:35

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/04/2023 11:06

Valour · Today 09:14
"I'm not hosting. Shall we say 7 at the Chinese?”

This.

This.

She has just given the group the heads up that she is a rude CF.

Avoid her like the plague.

TheChoiceIsYours · 05/04/2023 12:36

Hi XX, nice to have you in the group - hope we’ll get the chance to meet in person before long! Just so you’re aware, we use this group chat to suggest meals out when anyone fancies it but no one is the host/in charge, or ‘invites’ people (or pays for them!) - it’s all really informal and things just get suggested as and when by anyone. And whoever fancies it is welcome to anything but of course there’s no obligation for everyone to attend every time. So don’t worry at all if you can’t make this one, hope you can another time. Afraid I won’t be cooking for seven at my house!’

You cheeky cow.

Yellowdays · 05/04/2023 12:38

@redskylight But she didn't suggest it that way, at all. She's taking the p...

uncomfortablydumb53 · 05/04/2023 12:38

Not the best way for a newbie to make friends is it?
At least she's shown her true colours early

7millionIcanhandlethat · 05/04/2023 12:43

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 05/04/2023 12:27

Who the fuck would have the nerve?! Do people like this not realise its rude? Or do they not care? I cannot understand it.

They treat people like commodities and just make sure that they give them what they demand; and if the people refuse, even after the fake waterworks, they just drop them like a hot turd and move on to the next marks.

I don't know about this particular woman, but there are plenty of people out there who would deliberately join a group like this solely for what they reckoned they could rinse the other members of.

It blows my mind, really.

Crazycrazylady · 05/04/2023 12:45

I think this was bonkers cheeky!! I'm kind of hoping she does reply op..
in my experience these type of cf don't give up that easily!

payaklw · 05/04/2023 12:50

I would consider blocking her from the group full stop, her response is beyond cheeky