To think this is so cheeky?

[WillowtreeHouse]

I'm on a group chat for a running group. There are around 10 of us on this group but people dip in and out depending on job/life etc. Sometimes new people join the group, some leave, and we go out for dinner about once every 4 months or so and it's a nice way for everyone to get together (if they want). Sometimes there are 10 people there, sometimes 2 it just depends on how busy people are. Any one of us will suggest getting together, no one is 'in charge' of the group.

Last night I posted a message to see if anyone fancied meeting up for dinner/drinks next week. A couple of people replied 'sure, what about the new Chinese etc' and a few more people responded with a yes, some with a no, the usual stuff.

One woman, who I've only met once because she joined a month ago and we've never run at the same time since, (the group meet twice a week, I always try to make one of them) said 'I can't afford dinner out, let's just go to Willow's since she suggested the get together'.

I don't want to host 7 people at my house on a Wednesday night. I didn't invite everyone to mine and the fact that she said she can't afford it suggests that she expects me to pay for everything - which I would if I invited people round, but I haven't. I fancied paying £15 for the Chinese buffet and being home by half nine!

Another member said we always just meet for dinner somewhere, it's easier for everyone that way. To which she has responded with a snippy 'if you invite, you host'.

I haven't responded yet - I will - but I absolutely do not want to host. I just think this is really fucking rude?

😮

Well...shes not making many friends is she?!! I wonder if she thinks you are the main female who others gravitate towards amongst your group and she's trying to oust you from it. Watch her like a hawk, she might pee up your leg next time.

Oh my, you have a live one here!

I think someone should reply to her asking why she doesn't think the group is friendly.

Her issues.

She sounds very unhappy.

What did she say to them?

Who added her in the first place?

That's a neat reply - love it ! 😀

I’d say that’s not how it works but if you want to host next time that’s great.

The only problem with that is that she just might offer to do so - but then ask everybody to 'just' bring (specified large quantities of) this or that as a 'token' contribution and so get the meal provided and also her fridge filled for the next week.

It's a fairly common CF tactic to show (and boast about) 'generous' hospitality that is actually calculated to leave them in profit.

I agree to just ignore her on this occasion
Her messaging people is very underhand and sneaky

When's the next run? That will be interesting!!

She's definitely trying to divide the group for her own gains - getting people on her side against others whom she sees as a threat.

Does she know that the man's wife is also one of the 'girls' in the group? It would be hilarious if she were to try her divisive tricks on them - with one arbitrarily assigned to her 'my friends' group and the other to the 'traitors who are mean to me' group - without realising that they are already a team and will discuss and know between them exactly what she's up to!

tie her shoe laces together op

CF behaviour is underpinned by resentment and anger. She'll be angry that you didn't host (and pay for) a meal and she's angry that group members aren't dancing to her tune.
She'll leave the group soon due to everyone being nasty and excluding her 🤣

Honestly joining a group, making those comments and then messaging others privately is batshit. You would think she would at least get to know people first. Weirdo.

When's the next run? That will be interesting!!

She will get there extra early and corner each person as they arrive, giving them a sob story about not being able to go out for dinner, how unfair it is on her, and how she is feeling unwelcome and just wants to make friends blah blah blah. It is easier for her to put people on the spot individually. She can then gauge who is receptive and message them separately and Wendy onward from there.

To keep on trying with so many different people is just so brazen.

I don't understand why anyone is asking you to send any kind of response, particularly the snarky ones. She's clearly desperate for a response from anyone, or some kind of argument. As a group of sensible and mature adults, who just want to to continue with your running and your friendships, you're handling this beautifully.

And futile.

She sounds unwell.

Likely has some sort of personality disorder - very irregular behaviour.

Agree 100%.

She’s goading to provoke an emotional reaction - deny her that pleasure by detaching.

Don't pick up the rope she is handing out to you.

Yes I got that.

This sounds the sensible thing to do. It sets her neatly on the outside again, with the rules for coming back in clearly set out.

Yep any response to her will be twisted and you’ll be ‘ganging’ up on her. You are all handling her perfectly. You’ve invited her out, she can’t make it so you’re pushing on with plans whilst ignoring her crazy shit. She’s been invited so he can’t complain. She on the group messages she’s not being left out of plans.

Oh she's priceless. Please keep us updated OP - I think she will be a gift that keeps on giving.

Absolutely agree you mustn't engage with her. Enjoy your night out!

“If you invite, you host”, yet she invited everyone to your house. Nowt queer as folk.

And pathetic

She sounds like she wants to be in control of the group - she is already attempting to divide and conquer by running to selected individuals to complain about other members. She intends to impose her will so that group meet-ups are fully on her terms and according to her preferences.