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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is so cheeky?

679 replies

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 09:10

I'm on a group chat for a running group. There are around 10 of us on this group but people dip in and out depending on job/life etc. Sometimes new people join the group, some leave, and we go out for dinner about once every 4 months or so and it's a nice way for everyone to get together (if they want). Sometimes there are 10 people there, sometimes 2 it just depends on how busy people are. Any one of us will suggest getting together, no one is 'in charge' of the group.

Last night I posted a message to see if anyone fancied meeting up for dinner/drinks next week. A couple of people replied 'sure, what about the new Chinese etc' and a few more people responded with a yes, some with a no, the usual stuff.

One woman, who I've only met once because she joined a month ago and we've never run at the same time since, (the group meet twice a week, I always try to make one of them) said 'I can't afford dinner out, let's just go to Willow's since she suggested the get together'.

I don't want to host 7 people at my house on a Wednesday night. I didn't invite everyone to mine and the fact that she said she can't afford it suggests that she expects me to pay for everything - which I would if I invited people round, but I haven't. I fancied paying £15 for the Chinese buffet and being home by half nine!

Another member said we always just meet for dinner somewhere, it's easier for everyone that way. To which she has responded with a snippy 'if you invite, you host'.

I haven't responded yet - I will - but I absolutely do not want to host. I just think this is really fucking rude?

OP posts:
NumberTheory · 06/04/2023 01:52

VWHoliday · 05/04/2023 19:30

If some of them enjoy and want to meet up every 4 months or so for a meal I don't think they should change that.

Someone could suggest something else cheaper another time.

CF needs to stop being so rude.

Show quote history

I agree with you and haven’t suggested anything otherwise.

NumberTheory · 06/04/2023 01:54

PoshDoors · 05/04/2023 21:06

Meh, not everything works for everyone and not every group has to be everything for everyone. For what it’s worth, I would back out of a running group that involved meetups at people’s houses. I don’t enjoying hosting, it’s a lot of work and I find it stressful. Some people might not feel they have a house they want to show to other people etc etc.

Show quote history

I did not suggest everyone should feel obliged to take it in turns hosting at their homes. I think that would put off quite a lot of people, not just you.

BlippiIsAnnoying · 06/04/2023 02:28

Kick her out of the WhatsApp.

Then the rest of you in the group should train extra hard and run away from her.

OldFan · 06/04/2023 02:38

the rest of you in the group should train extra hard and run away from her.

Grin
PoshDoors · 06/04/2023 02:46

NumberTheory · 06/04/2023 01:54

I did not suggest everyone should feel obliged to take it in turns hosting at their homes. I think that would put off quite a lot of people, not just you.

Show quote history

I know, it’s just I know whenever I’ve been in groups like that, it starts off like a ‘taking turns’ thing at people’s houses and then I just feel like I’m constantly dreading my turn. It’s definitely my issue though as lots of people like hosting!

Phoebo · 06/04/2023 03:11

caramac04 · 05/04/2023 09:13

I’d say that’s not how it works but if you want to host next time that’s great.

This. Just say no and that's not what you suggested. Use your words!

12345abcde6789 · 06/04/2023 04:58

The cheek of so e people never ceases to amaze me. Don't fuel her fire. Enjoy your chinese!

Zanatdy · 06/04/2023 06:32

Wow how rude. I’d just say well I’m not inviting, I’m arranging. If you can’t come no worries will see you running at some point. I can’t believe how cheeky some people can be

PuddlesPityParty · 06/04/2023 06:50

What on earth! Glad to see the other people in the group have your back OP.

She seems like a “pick me” girl who never grew out of it.

Sugarfree23 · 06/04/2023 07:10

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 05/04/2023 09:27

'if you invite, you host'.

You are hosting. Just at the Chinese, not your home 😉

No no no
Hosting at the Chinese would suggest Ops paying.

She's not Hosting, just organising a get together.

KSarahSarah · 06/04/2023 07:43

Simply say: ‘oh, that’s not how we do things, we go out for meals so everyone can escape the house and go somewhere nice to eat’. If it applies, you could add: ‘ I can’t host anyway as ‘DP, DC etc’ will be home and I wouldn’t want to make them uncomfortable by inviting people they don’t know’

MaggieThatchersFridge · 06/04/2023 07:55

NumberTheory · 05/04/2023 17:38

She was cheeky and rude, and I think a response along the lines of “Ha ha. No.” Is not unreasonable.

But I also agree with a previous poster that if there are people in your group that can’t afford the odd meal out, doing some other social activity that’s free from time to time would be sensible. It probably isn’t just her. People on low incomes are excluded from a lot of normal social gatherings and it would be good to be mindful of that.

Something like running, perhaps?

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 06/04/2023 08:15

KSarahSarah · 06/04/2023 07:43

Simply say: ‘oh, that’s not how we do things, we go out for meals so everyone can escape the house and go somewhere nice to eat’. If it applies, you could add: ‘ I can’t host anyway as ‘DP, DC etc’ will be home and I wouldn’t want to make them uncomfortable by inviting people they don’t know’

You might want to RTFT or at least OP's updates

typopro · 06/04/2023 08:28

@Datafan55
would feel that the costs were for them to cover as it was their idea, and that automatically means they are the ones doing the inviting

I think you've missed the point of this a bit. The OP didn't invite the group to her home. The CF did!

ohfourfoxache · 06/04/2023 08:33

Completely batshit Shock

Suspect she won’t be in the group for long

ilovesushi · 06/04/2023 08:34

Wow! When you join a group you fit it with the group, you do not start making demands and getting shirty when people politely tell you the way things are up and running and working to everyone's satisfaction. Enjoy your Chinese without guilt!

Riverlee · 06/04/2023 08:38

Just read your update. Wow! @ilovesushi sums up exactly what I was thinking. She’s also playing the victim (and maybe wants the knight in shining armour to ‘rescue’ her).

tiktokontheclock · 06/04/2023 08:41

What a little shit. Shut it down asap so no one else can come back and agree with her. Hosting is hard sometimes - so many dietary requirements etc. she will have to miss out this time I guess.

EMUKE · 06/04/2023 08:56

There’s always one! Who invited her into your group ? “I’m sure they’re realising the error they have made” Some people are just not wired the same. It does sound like she’s the odd one out, so I’m sure she will be leaving soon but distancing yourself is defs the right option. Have the best night out and enjoy a laugh on her behalf when you chat about it over dinner X

Ooolaaaala · 06/04/2023 08:57

Always best to step back and let the group self moderate if you become a target of one of these characters.

Never get drawn in directly or personally because that is what they want.

It’s also telling that when others did step up diplomatically she went running behind their backs to someone else.

Just keep your dignity and distance. Share the load of ‘managing’ this person with the group strategically.

Look at her with pity as socially inept - not worth your anger.

wingingit1987 · 06/04/2023 09:01

I’d just reply saying “table booked for 7 at Chinese restaurant. Please confirm if coming for numbers. Sorry you can’t manage it this time X, feel free to host the next gathering”.

Original poster
WillowtreeHouse · 06/04/2023 09:29

Ooolaaaala · 06/04/2023 08:57

Always best to step back and let the group self moderate if you become a target of one of these characters.

Never get drawn in directly or personally because that is what they want.

It’s also telling that when others did step up diplomatically she went running behind their backs to someone else.

Just keep your dignity and distance. Share the load of ‘managing’ this person with the group strategically.

Look at her with pity as socially inept - not worth your anger.

I really agree with this, I'm not getting involved at all. I know she messaged another couple of group members last night too but neither of them responded. I think that's best and we'll just leave it at that.

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 06/04/2023 09:39

The poor wee rabbit is going to think that you’re not a very friendly bunch… 🤷🏼‍♀️ Oh well

Delatron · 06/04/2023 09:40

She’s clearly riled that you haven’t given her any headspace. She was planning on playing the victim card.

Good for everyone else ignoring her too. She’s sounds like a complete piece of work.

Yes - carry on as you are. Don’t engage!

Conkersinautumn · 06/04/2023 09:40

Totally right for you to leave it at that, don't rise to her baiting you. But another group member should perhaps contact her - ask her if she is alright, that it has been flagged to them that she doesn't appear comfortable with the group's dynamic. That she has isolated a member of the group to complain asking if she needs any group rules confirming.

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