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Original poster

To think this is so cheeky?

679 replies

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 09:10

I'm on a group chat for a running group. There are around 10 of us on this group but people dip in and out depending on job/life etc. Sometimes new people join the group, some leave, and we go out for dinner about once every 4 months or so and it's a nice way for everyone to get together (if they want). Sometimes there are 10 people there, sometimes 2 it just depends on how busy people are. Any one of us will suggest getting together, no one is 'in charge' of the group.

Last night I posted a message to see if anyone fancied meeting up for dinner/drinks next week. A couple of people replied 'sure, what about the new Chinese etc' and a few more people responded with a yes, some with a no, the usual stuff.

One woman, who I've only met once because she joined a month ago and we've never run at the same time since, (the group meet twice a week, I always try to make one of them) said 'I can't afford dinner out, let's just go to Willow's since she suggested the get together'.

I don't want to host 7 people at my house on a Wednesday night. I didn't invite everyone to mine and the fact that she said she can't afford it suggests that she expects me to pay for everything - which I would if I invited people round, but I haven't. I fancied paying £15 for the Chinese buffet and being home by half nine!

Another member said we always just meet for dinner somewhere, it's easier for everyone that way. To which she has responded with a snippy 'if you invite, you host'.

I haven't responded yet - I will - but I absolutely do not want to host. I just think this is really fucking rude?

OP posts:
ethelredonagoodday · 05/04/2023 22:08

Ye gods!!!
Cheeky as you like! 😳🫣

TommyNever · 05/04/2023 22:13

She's being rude and foolish.

'if you invite, you host'.

You didn't "invite", you proposed a dinner outing for those who might be interested in meeting up. I'm sure everyone takes it for granted that they'll be paying their own way.

Beaniesmumsie · 05/04/2023 22:25

Amazing 🤣

Feuillemille23 · 05/04/2023 22:25

Loving the stories, years ago when I was newish to the world of full time work we had someone in our team who was Coeliac (not commonly encountered back then) and it was my job to organise the Christmas lunch that year. According to them, none of the usual venues were suitable. So, being young and still relatively obedient, I phoned round a few restaurants until finding one that could cook her a suitable dish.

I'll give you three guesses who not only didn't turn up on the night, but didn't let anyone know they weren't coming either. She never had any intention of coming, it was just a power play/attention thing.

And no, she hadn't had an accident or car blowout or anything along those lines. She turned up at work as usual next morning and didn't even ask if we'd enjoyed the meal....

BungleandGeorge · 05/04/2023 22:28

Give her a wide berth! I’m glad your friends have supported you. I’ve never been in a social circle (apart from immediate family maybe!) where it’s socially acceptable to invite a group to someone’s house for dinner. The only acceptable way for her to do that would be to suggest people go to her house instead

Feuillemille23 · 05/04/2023 22:30

And yes, I agree it's nice to have a range of Meet up options for people where money is tight, but that wasn't what was going on with my previous colleague and I wonder if it's what's going on with your new group member, judging by the other behaviours...

chaosmaker · 05/04/2023 22:32

@WillowtreeHouse I'd just ignore her comment and carry on planning with those that wanted to come.

Ladysaurus · 05/04/2023 22:38

Dear CF, I'd appreciate it if you didn't invite yourself, or others, to my home. Especially without even consulting me. Even more so when I barely know you. Furthermore, make sure to stretch properly before those catastrophic eye rolls, wouldn't want you to sprain something.

I ain't got time for these types. Lol like a naughty puppy, you need to be firm from the off. 'no Fido. No!'

SmartHome · 05/04/2023 22:41

She sounds deranged. Who would send a message like that to some people they have never met?

Reminds me of the new Y7 group for parents at my son's school. There was a post about a meet up for new parents over the holidays or someting and a few people mentioned that they were going skiing so wouldn't be able to meet up and some weird man put a load of ANGRY faces and the rolley eye one and then flounced off the group! The concensus was that he was some sort of hard core socialist and objected to the middle class masses being able to go skiing, despite it being a school his daughter attends and a private school 😃Some people are just weird.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 05/04/2023 22:42

She is very cheeky, just say who is up for the dinner and book it and ignore her or else say we go out and do not go to people's house, suggesting you host and pay far too much to expect of you.

user1493375230 · 05/04/2023 22:46

I need to know if she replied now lol

Catsmere · 05/04/2023 22:48

That’s not just cheeky, it’s beyond rude. Insolent, even. Saying you are supposed to invite a bunch of people to your house, because she, who you’ve never actually met, can’t afford to go out? Words fail!!!

OnaBegonia · 05/04/2023 22:49

So by her logic if someone says 'fancy going out for a pint on Friday' then they buy all the drinks??
God loves a tryer eh?!

Catsmere · 05/04/2023 22:50

Ladysaurus · 05/04/2023 22:38

Dear CF, I'd appreciate it if you didn't invite yourself, or others, to my home. Especially without even consulting me. Even more so when I barely know you. Furthermore, make sure to stretch properly before those catastrophic eye rolls, wouldn't want you to sprain something.

I ain't got time for these types. Lol like a naughty puppy, you need to be firm from the off. 'no Fido. No!'

I wouldn’t use the rolled-up newspaper tactic on a dog, but I’d sure be tempted to use it on a human this rude!

IHateLegDay · 05/04/2023 22:51

Could you/the group creator remove her from the group? She sounds like she thrives off drama!

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 05/04/2023 23:03

I kind of hope she's on here reading the replies just to realise how much of a knob she is.

Thundercats77 · 05/04/2023 23:04

In response to is this how you welcome newcomers?
The man should reply no, this is.....
And then the administrator should take her off the group chat.

She sounds like hard work.

Crumpleton · 05/04/2023 23:25

Carry on with your message...

TUT 🙄....now where we're we, oh yes does anyone fancy meeting up for dinner/drinks next week as usual we'll all pay our own way.

Don't mind to much which restaurant/cafe but i do know that 'Willowtreehouse' is closed and not taking bookings/walk ins for the foreseeable.

Look forward to having a catch up.

Tillow4ever · 05/04/2023 23:36

Talk about a brass neck! Well done for standing your ground, OP. And nice to hear you’ve had others reach out who think she’s deranged too.

For the poster who said it would be nice to organise something for those that can’t afford to go out… what’s stopping them from organising it? How does anyone know if someone isn’t coming because they don’t want to, are busy each time or can’t afford to? Not everyone feels ok saying they don’t have the money… but nothings stopping them from saying, the weather looks good on Friday, who fancies going for a picnic? Or the weathers going to be awful this weekend - movie night at mine, bring your own drinks & snacks?

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 06/04/2023 00:03

Instructionmanual · 05/04/2023 18:29

I don't think you should ignore this. She will be messaging others. How about a reply.
Hi X, I think there's been a misunderstanding. It's a regular thing for any one of us to suggest a night out at a restaurant and anyone who fancies it goes along and of course pays for their meal. I suggested a trip to a restaurant, not a "get together". I was really taken aback when you invited everyone to my house, and I think I'm reasonable to stick to the original suggestion. There's no such rule as "you invite you host" in this group, and I haven't come across it anywhere else. I thought this was all cleared up amicably until you decided to start with the eye roll thing, which I find really rude. Please can we draw a line under this now? This is such a friendly group and I'm starting to feel quite upset.

Please do NOT do this. Her sort thrive on drama, and a reply along these lines would only fuel that drama from her side. It’s virtually an invitation for her to say “It was only a suggestion, I don’t know why you’re being so mean, I was trying to help, I am new here you now” and so on. She’s already approached the only male member of the group whining - the waterworks can’t be far behind. Don’t let her do it.

Ignore her ridiculous suggestion. Stick to the plan about the Chinese, and make sure you message asking if anyone else wants to join. If she brings up the subject of you hosting again, just say “Obviously you’re welcome to organise something, but at the moment I’m just suggesting a meal out”.

HectorPlasm · 06/04/2023 00:29

Can you just run away from her?

Dibbydoos · 06/04/2023 00:50

You didn't invite per se you asked if anyone fancied meeting up, tgats not an invitation to your house or anything else.

Close her down now.

AngryBirdsNoMore · 06/04/2023 00:55

Kudos to Sole Man

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 06/04/2023 01:22

IhearyouClemFandango · 05/04/2023 09:11

I would just say "haha, nope".

I like this reply. Straight and to the point. She's definitely a CF.

Fraaahnces · 06/04/2023 01:39

I knew she was one of those women. Bleurgh

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