Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is so cheeky?

679 replies

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 09:10

I'm on a group chat for a running group. There are around 10 of us on this group but people dip in and out depending on job/life etc. Sometimes new people join the group, some leave, and we go out for dinner about once every 4 months or so and it's a nice way for everyone to get together (if they want). Sometimes there are 10 people there, sometimes 2 it just depends on how busy people are. Any one of us will suggest getting together, no one is 'in charge' of the group.

Last night I posted a message to see if anyone fancied meeting up for dinner/drinks next week. A couple of people replied 'sure, what about the new Chinese etc' and a few more people responded with a yes, some with a no, the usual stuff.

One woman, who I've only met once because she joined a month ago and we've never run at the same time since, (the group meet twice a week, I always try to make one of them) said 'I can't afford dinner out, let's just go to Willow's since she suggested the get together'.

I don't want to host 7 people at my house on a Wednesday night. I didn't invite everyone to mine and the fact that she said she can't afford it suggests that she expects me to pay for everything - which I would if I invited people round, but I haven't. I fancied paying £15 for the Chinese buffet and being home by half nine!

Another member said we always just meet for dinner somewhere, it's easier for everyone that way. To which she has responded with a snippy 'if you invite, you host'.

I haven't responded yet - I will - but I absolutely do not want to host. I just think this is really fucking rude?

OP posts:
Cornishclio · 05/04/2023 20:56

She is rude but I definitely would not say sorry either to the fact she cannot come or that you cannot host. I would ignore her comment and just take up the idea of the Chinese buffet and ask how many interested.

iontheprize · 05/04/2023 20:58

Quick reply to "you invite you host" - "CF, that's not how we roll. We always meet up at restaurant or pub and everyone pays their way/we split the bill evenly. If you can't make it next week, hopefully I'll see you at the next one!"

Datafan55 · 05/04/2023 20:59

Soapyspuds · 05/04/2023 20:37

My parents see things this way (you invite, you host) and they are very much NOT CFs... In fact, they end up way out of pocket as they insist on paying for everyone to stuff their faces (even when I in vain offer for us all to chip in)

Even when it is clearly not an invite and the idea is going out to a restautant?

They would feel that the costs were for them to cover as it was their idea, and that automatically means they are the ones doing the inviting.

PoshDoors · 05/04/2023 21:06

NumberTheory · 05/04/2023 19:16

I’ve been a part of many sports teams and groups and in my experience you do most of the socializing when you aren’t totally out of breath from the exercising. Which is why things like the occasional dinner out, or going to the pub after, etc. are nice.

The CF who made demands on OP may not be worth any consideration, but there are probably other members of the group who simply, quietly (as everyone on here thinks they should) refrain from participating because of cost. It would be good to be mindful of how activities that cost money may exclude a bunch of nice participants you’d all get a lot out of getting to know better.

Show quote history

Meh, not everything works for everyone and not every group has to be everything for everyone. For what it’s worth, I would back out of a running group that involved meetups at people’s houses. I don’t enjoying hosting, it’s a lot of work and I find it stressful. Some people might not feel they have a house they want to show to other people etc etc.

PoshDoors · 05/04/2023 21:07

Datafan55 · 05/04/2023 20:59

They would feel that the costs were for them to cover as it was their idea, and that automatically means they are the ones doing the inviting.

Show quote history

Yeah but then other people feel they need to reciprocate. Meeting at a restaurant you can go or not go, as you wish.

Truestorypeeps · 05/04/2023 21:10

Add me to the group and I'll tell the rude bitch to F#£k off. Her brain must not be wired like the majority of us, you know, correctly.

astarsheis · 05/04/2023 21:10

This has been my favourite thread in a while...the cheeky fuckery of some people never ceases to amaze me 🙄😂

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 05/04/2023 21:15

I can't see how she thinks she's in any position to complain about perceived rudeness when she's the one who's suggesting that you pay for everything.

It sounds like she's been watching/listening to too much Count Arthur Strong and admiring him as a wise role model to emulate, rather than laughing at him as a pathetic CF comedy character!

Twinedpeaks · 05/04/2023 21:18

She has sent a separate message to one of the group, the only man in the group, which may or may not be coincidence (doubtful), asking if 'the girls' (we are all in our 40s/50s and his wife is also in the group, although she may not know this as they normally run at different times) are always this 'welcoming' to newcomers with yet another rolly eyed emoji.

Get solo man to reply and say "yes, the women are wonderful! Its a lovely group to be part of and I've made some great friends, mainly thanks to people suggesting these fun additional meet ups"

Just treat her as if it's a compliment to take the wind out her sails!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 05/04/2023 21:21

It's textbook classic CF behaviour to be most affronted when people don't immediately roll over and acquiesce to YOUR extremely rude and offensive behaviour.

FreezyWater · 05/04/2023 21:27

More front than Blackpool!!! I can't believe she messaged Sole Man. Wonder what his wife said 😂

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 05/04/2023 21:29

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 18:14

Well there's been a slight development. She has sent a separate message to one of the group, the only man in the group, which may or may not be coincidence (doubtful), asking if 'the girls' (we are all in our 40s/50s and his wife is also in the group, although she may not know this as they normally run at different times) are always this 'welcoming' to newcomers with yet another rolly eyed emoji.

I know this because he's messaged and told me and he hasn't and won't respond. So we've all decided to completely ignore any messages, be civil when we run and start a new group for the next catch up which will be a few months away anyway.

I've been telling my sister all this and she's convinced that I'm bullshitting her with this latest update because it's so weird, but alas no!

That is bizarre behaviour on her part.

She won't last long.

Datafan55 · 05/04/2023 21:39

PoshDoors · 05/04/2023 21:07

Yeah but then other people feel they need to reciprocate. Meeting at a restaurant you can go or not go, as you wish.

Show quote history

Oh I agree! But it's the way they've been brought up.

Felici · 05/04/2023 21:40

🙄

Please please respond to all her future messages with just 🙄and nothing else, even when she pulls you up just keep 🙄'ing

Lalalalaura · 05/04/2023 21:46

Please keep us updated OP. I’m fascinated about what she will do next… (although am feeling very frustrated on your behalf, so god knows how you must be feeling!)

Fallingoffacliff · 05/04/2023 21:48

IhearyouClemFandango · 05/04/2023 09:11

I would just say "haha, nope".

This!

TheTiredBartender · 05/04/2023 21:49

Twinedpeaks · 05/04/2023 21:18

She has sent a separate message to one of the group, the only man in the group, which may or may not be coincidence (doubtful), asking if 'the girls' (we are all in our 40s/50s and his wife is also in the group, although she may not know this as they normally run at different times) are always this 'welcoming' to newcomers with yet another rolly eyed emoji.

Get solo man to reply and say "yes, the women are wonderful! Its a lovely group to be part of and I've made some great friends, mainly thanks to people suggesting these fun additional meet ups"

Just treat her as if it's a compliment to take the wind out her sails!

I like this suggestion!

Doubletroublemummy2 · 05/04/2023 21:49

I would respond with ' you're not invited'

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 21:50

Felici · 05/04/2023 21:40

🙄

Please please respond to all her future messages with just 🙄and nothing else, even when she pulls you up just keep 🙄'ing

I like your style!

Atnilpoe · 05/04/2023 21:50

Not my experience of running groups @NumberTheory in our running group we run (and chat). The non-running social side is very much an adjunct, only a handful of times a year.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 05/04/2023 21:51

Lalalalaura · 05/04/2023 21:46

Please keep us updated OP. I’m fascinated about what she will do next… (although am feeling very frustrated on your behalf, so god knows how you must be feeling!)

Agree with Lala, this is intriguing. Keep us updated, please! :)

Carla2601 · 05/04/2023 21:51

@WillowtreeHouse this is one of the best things I’ve read in a while. ‘You invite you host’ is iconic and we’ve decided in our house we’re going to start randomly using it to see the responses! Thanks for sharing! Oh and YANBU but it’s still genius! Haha

WoofWoofBeachLife · 05/04/2023 22:02

@MNHQ, can this be added to classics? 🙄 now known at the CF eye roll thread 🤣🤣

ThereIbledit · 05/04/2023 22:03

My money's on a flounce by the end of the week!

KarmaStar · 05/04/2023 22:04

As you can't afford restaurant prices we will all come to you,.😀.
She's a c.f. And a trouble maker.

Swipe left for the next trending thread