To think this is so cheeky?

[WillowtreeHouse]

I'm on a group chat for a running group. There are around 10 of us on this group but people dip in and out depending on job/life etc. Sometimes new people join the group, some leave, and we go out for dinner about once every 4 months or so and it's a nice way for everyone to get together (if they want). Sometimes there are 10 people there, sometimes 2 it just depends on how busy people are. Any one of us will suggest getting together, no one is 'in charge' of the group.

Last night I posted a message to see if anyone fancied meeting up for dinner/drinks next week. A couple of people replied 'sure, what about the new Chinese etc' and a few more people responded with a yes, some with a no, the usual stuff.

One woman, who I've only met once because she joined a month ago and we've never run at the same time since, (the group meet twice a week, I always try to make one of them) said 'I can't afford dinner out, let's just go to Willow's since she suggested the get together'.

I don't want to host 7 people at my house on a Wednesday night. I didn't invite everyone to mine and the fact that she said she can't afford it suggests that she expects me to pay for everything - which I would if I invited people round, but I haven't. I fancied paying £15 for the Chinese buffet and being home by half nine!

Another member said we always just meet for dinner somewhere, it's easier for everyone that way. To which she has responded with a snippy 'if you invite, you host'.

I haven't responded yet - I will - but I absolutely do not want to host. I just think this is really fucking rude?

I don't think it's cheeky - it's downright rude of her! I'd reply "We usually meet up somewhere and split the bill so no one has the work of hosting, I'll book X Chinese for 8 of us [names]". I'd defo add the bit on about splitting this bill - she is likely to claim the host pays!

Yeah I posted earlier, I thought she’d keep on with the drama as she’d not like you didn’t engage. Just keep on with the plan, don’t engage, be polite, she’s trying to cause drama.

🤣🤣🤣🤣Oh please provide examples where you’ve used the 🙄 emoji.

What a sneaky cheeky bitch. She purposely sent a separate message to the male in the group. She's definitely worth a watching.

There is no point. Really. Some people you don’t engage with. It will just escalate and be drama.

What is it they say about fighting with pigs ,you get dirty and the pig likes it.

I don't think you should ignore this. She will be messaging others. How about a reply.
Hi X, I think there's been a misunderstanding. It's a regular thing for any one of us to suggest a night out at a restaurant and anyone who fancies it goes along and of course pays for their meal. I suggested a trip to a restaurant, not a "get together". I was really taken aback when you invited everyone to my house, and I think I'm reasonable to stick to the original suggestion. There's no such rule as "you invite you host" in this group, and I haven't come across it anywhere else. I thought this was all cleared up amicably until you decided to start with the eye roll thing, which I find really rude. Please can we draw a line under this now? This is such a friendly group and I'm starting to feel quite upset.

Yep, she's a mad one.

This won't be the end of it op.

I agree!

The others will have seen what she’s done. Honestly they don’t need to engage.

she clearly thinks as she’s a newbie and she can’t afford a Chinese the op should host and pay so she can go too. It’s a level of batshittery seldom seen. Pointing it out to her will just lead to an argument, best just to look away

I agree. The initial suggestion was big time CF! Followed up by additional rudeness when someone gently 'corrected her'....wonder if we'll get 'The Flounce' next for the full hat trick. Outrageous

There's no way it's coincidence that you messaged the (only?) man in the group. She's dangerous!

wow it gets better-shes the rude one saying who inites host and when you say no we're just going out she tries to play the vicitim to a man

fuck sake😏

@fairgame84

💯 agree!!

I’d message back and say “Sorry, remind me, who are you?”

This one needs shutting down pronto!!

Also, I love a PPs idea of sending her to someone else’s house!
😄😄

Sorry!!!!!! I meant that she messaged the only man 😬

As a side issue, I really want to join your running group! You all sound lovely and I’m totally up for a meal out once every few months (happy to pay for myself, I promise! 😉)

Oh God - this reminds me of food a couple of food CFs that I encountered when I sang in a singalong gospel choir.

CF1 - we were planning a Christmas party and as many of us were working parents the leader had a quote for a takeaway that would be pretty cheap. Of around 30 people everyone was in agreement with the exception of CF who was a new member. She didn't like "unhealthy" takeaways and didn't want to spend her money on this food. She wanted us to do a "soup and sandwich" evening with a "healthy" vegetable soup and sandwiches with healthy fillings. She managed to bamboozle the group to organizing the whole party around her preferences ... but noticeably didn't sign up herself to make any of the food (one woman spent ages making 10 litres of soup). So after guilting the whole group's arrangements - guess who never turned up on the night .......... yep CF1!

CF2 was notoriously tight with money - was a master at blagging stuff without paying - coffees, snacks, getting people to drive to the other side of town to give her lifts. So we were planning another choir party and everyone wanted to try this famous catered buffet that was pretty cheap - but the basic understanding was that you get very small portions and one of everything - so 1 slice of the cold meats, one tiny slice of quiche, one slice of each of the cheeses, one slice of fruit and then one spoon of potato salad, pasta salad,green salad and one roll etc. CF2 declare that she has decided to become a vegetarian in the past couple of days so it was not worth ordering a portion for her and she would just make a plate of the salads and someone could "donate" their cheese and roll to her ... obviously she would not need to pay for just "nibbling". Luckily this year the leader was ready and said "oh they do a single vegetarian plate, shall I order you one?". CF's face was a picture - suddenly she wasn't sure she could attend

There used to be a book I think called "How to win friends and influence people"
if possible Op you might want to find a copy for her! Considering you've met for all of 5 minutes she really knows how to push her luck. Don't engage any more, just ignore her, all the others in the group know you and what you're like so if she tries to make trouble then hopefully they'll refuse to get dragged in.
It's amazing to me how many entitled people there are out there, does she think she's so special?

This is HIDEOUS!! Can the admin of the WhatsApp group not just kick her out?

I can't believe someone would behave like that. I'm cringing for her!!

This won't be the end of it op

100% agree.

Anybody who behaves like this from the get go is going to cause more aggro down the line. You can ignore it for now but something else will crop up and she will be at the centre of it.

All the signs are there. Sarcy emojis, slagging you off to another member by direct message.

The soon they are put in their place or ejected from the group the better.

This one subject might go away by ignoring it, but then there will be another and another

is there a nominated person/admin who runs this group? if there is I’d hope they would be taking this woman aside to explain to her that she needs to work on better understanding the existing dynamic of how things are organised in the group and make it clear that she’s got it very wrong so far.
That then would remove the potential for group drama, give her a chance to back down in private, or a chance to exit with no further damage done.

I totally get why you’d want to ignore and not get caught up in the drama but honestly, this type of person can end up trampling all over a perfectly happy group and changing it into something unrecognisable if left unchecked (I speak from bitter experience here!)

Just to make a point for all those immediately attributing the worst motives to people as usual;
My parents see things this way (you invite, you host) and they are very much NOT CFs... In fact, they end up way out of pocket as they insist on paying for everyone to stuff their faces (even when I in vain offer for us all to chip in).

However in your group, you have a standard way of doing things, and that's fine. A newbie has to adjust any viewpoints of their own to fit in with that.

(I've only read the first few pages at this point)

Lol what a chancer! It's great that the group has your back. Hopefully she'll buzz off to a different running group and you'll all be left in peace.

I think your group should be mature enough to ignore her without having to create another group. That’s stuff you would do as a 15 yo and u ought to be able to handle it as a group.

Grrr, I've just read some more. This isnt just a newcomer who's made an honest mistake, or misread the situation. The eye role and then the sneaky text Lone Man. She's mustering up her troops. This is a challenge, she's planning a coup!