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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is so cheeky?

679 replies

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 09:10

I'm on a group chat for a running group. There are around 10 of us on this group but people dip in and out depending on job/life etc. Sometimes new people join the group, some leave, and we go out for dinner about once every 4 months or so and it's a nice way for everyone to get together (if they want). Sometimes there are 10 people there, sometimes 2 it just depends on how busy people are. Any one of us will suggest getting together, no one is 'in charge' of the group.

Last night I posted a message to see if anyone fancied meeting up for dinner/drinks next week. A couple of people replied 'sure, what about the new Chinese etc' and a few more people responded with a yes, some with a no, the usual stuff.

One woman, who I've only met once because she joined a month ago and we've never run at the same time since, (the group meet twice a week, I always try to make one of them) said 'I can't afford dinner out, let's just go to Willow's since she suggested the get together'.

I don't want to host 7 people at my house on a Wednesday night. I didn't invite everyone to mine and the fact that she said she can't afford it suggests that she expects me to pay for everything - which I would if I invited people round, but I haven't. I fancied paying £15 for the Chinese buffet and being home by half nine!

Another member said we always just meet for dinner somewhere, it's easier for everyone that way. To which she has responded with a snippy 'if you invite, you host'.

I haven't responded yet - I will - but I absolutely do not want to host. I just think this is really fucking rude?

OP posts:
Mylittlefanny · 05/04/2023 16:44
new year taiwan GIF

Looks like you have a great group apart from that cheeky fucker!

lostinfusion · 05/04/2023 16:53

would be a very firm nope, too busy to host but happy to come to yours if you would like to

ThatsGenderwang · 05/04/2023 16:54

I wouldn't want her in my house.

itsgettingweird · 05/04/2023 16:55

"I appreciate you have different expectations to the rest of us - but we've always just met up for dinner occasionally and included those who can/want to come. Sorry you can't make it this time"

Make it clear she's trying to change the status quo.

WilsonMilson · 05/04/2023 17:01

The level of this woman’s cf’ery knows no bounds. Just shameless.

I would also ignore the eye roll, but look forward to the gossip at the Chinese restaurant meet up as I bet the other members are all thinking the same. Let’s hope she doesn’t brazen it out, turn up and order a side of prawn crackers for one!

I have a feeling this may not be the last of the cf behaviour from the newcomer - please update on forthcoming cf’ery!

SupplyIsLimited · 05/04/2023 17:03

Yes, ignoring her is the best option, now that it's been made clear that she can't boss everyone around and invite people to someone else's home. There's not much more she can say without making herself look even more ridiculous.

If she's offended and decides to leave the group, oh well! It's probably for the best, really, but someone bold enough to try to force everyone to do things her way (especially as a newbie) probably has a thick skin.

MrsMitford3 · 05/04/2023 17:05

Well I never knew that was an "eye rolly" emoji and now fear I have used it inappropriately. I thought it was just looking up at the text above!!

And she is the Queen of CF !!

EekGoesTheBaby · 05/04/2023 17:10

It's a win-win! Either she won't show up at the dinner and you'll have lots to talk to your group about, or she will show up and you'll have lots to talk to us about. 😁

CoraPirbright · 05/04/2023 17:16

Well at least the others in the group seem to be of the same opinion as you given that one jumped in with a quick explanation and someone else messaged you with laughing emojis! This woman sounds either entitled or stupid or a cow…..or possibly a combo of all three!

BurntOutGirl · 05/04/2023 17:23

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 13:30

And stupidly, as a chronic people pleaser I'm feeling a bit crappy about it, which I know is really stupid!

Yes it is. Pull yourself together and know you have done nothing wrong.

stern look at OP to give encouragement

On the plus side you'll have plenty to discuss over dinner with the other runners!

TheChoiceIsYours · 05/04/2023 17:29

MrsMitford3 · 05/04/2023 17:05

Well I never knew that was an "eye rolly" emoji and now fear I have used it inappropriately. I thought it was just looking up at the text above!!

And she is the Queen of CF !!

🤣🤣🤣

NumberTheory · 05/04/2023 17:38

She was cheeky and rude, and I think a response along the lines of “Ha ha. No.” Is not unreasonable.

But I also agree with a previous poster that if there are people in your group that can’t afford the odd meal out, doing some other social activity that’s free from time to time would be sensible. It probably isn’t just her. People on low incomes are excluded from a lot of normal social gatherings and it would be good to be mindful of that.

EekGoesTheBaby · 05/04/2023 17:44

if there are people in your group that can’t afford the odd meal out, doing some other social activity that’s free from time to time would be sensible

Yes, but this woman doesn't want to do something that's free for everyone. She wants to do something that's free for her and that the OP (nearly a stranger) pays for.

IncompleteSenten · 05/04/2023 17:55

She sounds like an arsehole.

Joining a group and trying to tell them how to do things never goes over well.

I predict more shit from her.

Soapyspuds · 05/04/2023 17:58

Somebody ie one of the admins will have added her to the group. If you know who it was perhaps send a direct message to that person and ask them to put their friend right.

Are you an admin yourself? If she pushes that you hosting one more time she deserves booting out of the group.

Cheeky cow

sabbii · 05/04/2023 18:05

just ignore it and ask for confirmation for the Chinese

ImANameChanger01 · 05/04/2023 18:07

I think her message was the perfect thing to say………. otherwise we wouldn’t have this thread.
So thanks from me CF (and to you OP) 🤣
”You invite you host” as a newbie in a group is comedy gold 🤣

Original poster
WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 18:14

Well there's been a slight development. She has sent a separate message to one of the group, the only man in the group, which may or may not be coincidence (doubtful), asking if 'the girls' (we are all in our 40s/50s and his wife is also in the group, although she may not know this as they normally run at different times) are always this 'welcoming' to newcomers with yet another rolly eyed emoji.

I know this because he's messaged and told me and he hasn't and won't respond. So we've all decided to completely ignore any messages, be civil when we run and start a new group for the next catch up which will be a few months away anyway.

I've been telling my sister all this and she's convinced that I'm bullshitting her with this latest update because it's so weird, but alas no!

OP posts:
JT12 · 05/04/2023 18:15

you weren’t inviting people out. You were asking the group if they wanted to meet up for something to eat. Two entirely different things. I often invite people for dinner and then I host - either at my house or pay the bill. If I ask people if they fancy meeting up it’s outside and we all pay our own way. If you had to host every time you suggested catching up with people no-one would make the suggestion. It’s ridiculous

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 05/04/2023 18:15

My gob is well and truly smacked!

Soapyspuds · 05/04/2023 18:17

Why push this under the rug? She will clearly not attend any meet ups due to lack of money. Okay that might not be her fault but it should not stop you meeting. It will also make run meets less enjoyable as there will be a cloud hanging over the matter.

The man needs to grow a pair and tell her that she is at fault.

Soapyspuds · 05/04/2023 18:19

Or he can boot her from the group and trust that she gets the hint.

Figgygal · 05/04/2023 18:22

Blimey she's a peach isn't she with that update

Trixiefirecracker · 05/04/2023 18:23

Wow. Just wow. Some people haven’t a clue how to win friends and influence people. 🤣