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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is so cheeky?

679 replies

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 09:10

I'm on a group chat for a running group. There are around 10 of us on this group but people dip in and out depending on job/life etc. Sometimes new people join the group, some leave, and we go out for dinner about once every 4 months or so and it's a nice way for everyone to get together (if they want). Sometimes there are 10 people there, sometimes 2 it just depends on how busy people are. Any one of us will suggest getting together, no one is 'in charge' of the group.

Last night I posted a message to see if anyone fancied meeting up for dinner/drinks next week. A couple of people replied 'sure, what about the new Chinese etc' and a few more people responded with a yes, some with a no, the usual stuff.

One woman, who I've only met once because she joined a month ago and we've never run at the same time since, (the group meet twice a week, I always try to make one of them) said 'I can't afford dinner out, let's just go to Willow's since she suggested the get together'.

I don't want to host 7 people at my house on a Wednesday night. I didn't invite everyone to mine and the fact that she said she can't afford it suggests that she expects me to pay for everything - which I would if I invited people round, but I haven't. I fancied paying £15 for the Chinese buffet and being home by half nine!

Another member said we always just meet for dinner somewhere, it's easier for everyone that way. To which she has responded with a snippy 'if you invite, you host'.

I haven't responded yet - I will - but I absolutely do not want to host. I just think this is really fucking rude?

OP posts:
Gablonz · 05/04/2023 15:48

This one gave me a laugh. Such a CF.
At least it sounds like she's been told.

maddy68 · 05/04/2023 15:48

Just say. No thanks. It's a meal put somewhere. Hope you can join on the next one. I'll book the Chinese for 8pm

VWHoliday · 05/04/2023 15:51

And if you have members in your group that can't afford to eat out, maybe you should consider some alternative social events that don't involve them having to do so?

The only person who says they can't afford to eat out is new lady. No! normal plans should not be changed to suit her. If she wants to host at hers one day then let her crack on but not suggest that OP has it has hers.

ArrrMeHearties · 05/04/2023 15:53

Just say for that evening my house is the restaurant we are meeting at 😂😂

Emotionalsupportviper · 05/04/2023 15:53

SandLResources · 05/04/2023 15:31

So glad to hear that everyone else saw sense on your WhatsApp Group. It takes a village to bring down a CF.

Grin
Justalittlebitduckling · 05/04/2023 15:54

whaaaaaat??!!! You weren’t inviting, you were suggesting a meet up.

Perhaps suggest that she’s welcome to turn up to yours at that time, but no one will be in and you’ll be at the Chinese buffet.

Or tell her it’s a bit of a sensitive subject because you actually live in your car

ign0re · 05/04/2023 15:57

Who are these people and how do they get by in life/have friends!!!

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 05/04/2023 16:07

It's never OK to invite oneself to someone else's home or suggest that someone host. How crass.

If she can't afford a meal out, she could suggest a meetup for a coffee some other time. But I don't think she'll last long in your group. There must be some deficiency in social skills, to make that sort of issue out of a casual dining suggestion.

Hardtopickaname · 05/04/2023 16:07

Well at least the whole group will have got the measure of her.

Sunnyfunnytimes · 05/04/2023 16:10

The good news is by not responding directly and just ignoring her it will leave her annoyed, this type wants a reaction. Just ignoring leaves her looking irrelevant and a bit cringe. You need to keep just ignoring it, be perfectly pleasant when called upon,ignore any attempts at drama. Any attempt to comment on it , now or the next thing she tries, will ensure you become a target.

so just keep flying high above it op.

Spanielsandsandypaws · 05/04/2023 16:12

Some people! She is rude. Don't give her any head space and ignore her. Enjoy your meal. Maybe post a picture on your group chat with you all tucking into your Chinese and drinking a couple of mojitos😉

cassiatwenty · 05/04/2023 16:13

IhearyouClemFandango · 05/04/2023 09:11

I would just say "haha, nope".

Perfect!

cassiatwenty · 05/04/2023 16:16

@FlipFlopBattle

Mumsnet is full of lovely chronic people pleasers who started out doing the odd favour for a CF, and realise several years later that they've somehow ended up acting as their private chauffeur, adding their kids to the school run every day, or subsidising their social life...

FlipFlopBattle, I think I was one of those people. How do I stand up for myself?

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 05/04/2023 16:17

Spanielsandsandypaws · 05/04/2023 16:12

Some people! She is rude. Don't give her any head space and ignore her. Enjoy your meal. Maybe post a picture on your group chat with you all tucking into your Chinese and drinking a couple of mojitos😉

Oh, yes! Please do this and add a couple of well-placed #friendstogether #nomoredrama comments

LuckOfTheDrawer · 05/04/2023 16:17

Wow, that's so rude 😄😮. I like the 'Ha ha, nope' response suggested upthread.

BellePeppa · 05/04/2023 16:18

7Worfs · 05/04/2023 09:15

Ignore her entirely. Your next message to the group should be: “7pm at Restaurant X, see you all there! 🥘 “

Yes. I’d say don’t even acknowledge her the CF!

BellePeppa · 05/04/2023 16:23

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 13:30

And stupidly, as a chronic people pleaser I'm feeling a bit crappy about it, which I know is really stupid!

You’ve done exactly the right thing, don’t feel bad about it. She sounds a twat.

LeaveIt · 05/04/2023 16:24

Even as a people pleaser, I would not be worried/upset about not pleasing her. You don’t invite yourself round to someone’s house you barely know and especially with 6 other people 😂😂😂 The rolled eyes emoji is just the icing on the cake. If she does go, I’d be interested to know how the evening went/what else she finds to make awkward.

Elaina87 · 05/04/2023 16:29

That's really bizarre behaviour on her part. Either ignore and go ahead arranging the Chinese, or if you want to be nice, just say ''I'm a rubbish host haha. Shall we say Chinese at 6?''

TolkiensFallow · 05/04/2023 16:30

she will fall out with the entire group very soon at this rate

cassiatwenty · 05/04/2023 16:30

Elaina87 · 05/04/2023 16:29

That's really bizarre behaviour on her part. Either ignore and go ahead arranging the Chinese, or if you want to be nice, just say ''I'm a rubbish host haha. Shall we say Chinese at 6?''

That's very polite, and it's not too harsh to this CF person

FacebookFun · 05/04/2023 16:36

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

Gablonz · 05/04/2023 16:36

I'd make sure you post something about everyone paying for their own food and drink "as usual" - so that she understands being "invited" to the restaurant does not mean that the "inviter" will be paying.

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 05/04/2023 16:38

The eye roll emoji has really made me laugh - she’s shown herself up now to the whole group! She clearly thinks she’s in the right, what a silly mare.

cassiatwenty · 05/04/2023 16:39

I'm aware this isn't going to happen, but just curious what would happen if you were brutally honest?

I'm sorry that you can't afford a night out right now. However, it's a bit of an imposition you suggesting we all go to mine. I don't know you well enough to invite you to my house, and it's presumptuous for you to speak on my behalf.

It's okay because we all learn by making mistakes. However, it's presumptuous to invite yourself to another person's home.