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Original poster

To think this is so cheeky?

679 replies

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 09:10

I'm on a group chat for a running group. There are around 10 of us on this group but people dip in and out depending on job/life etc. Sometimes new people join the group, some leave, and we go out for dinner about once every 4 months or so and it's a nice way for everyone to get together (if they want). Sometimes there are 10 people there, sometimes 2 it just depends on how busy people are. Any one of us will suggest getting together, no one is 'in charge' of the group.

Last night I posted a message to see if anyone fancied meeting up for dinner/drinks next week. A couple of people replied 'sure, what about the new Chinese etc' and a few more people responded with a yes, some with a no, the usual stuff.

One woman, who I've only met once because she joined a month ago and we've never run at the same time since, (the group meet twice a week, I always try to make one of them) said 'I can't afford dinner out, let's just go to Willow's since she suggested the get together'.

I don't want to host 7 people at my house on a Wednesday night. I didn't invite everyone to mine and the fact that she said she can't afford it suggests that she expects me to pay for everything - which I would if I invited people round, but I haven't. I fancied paying £15 for the Chinese buffet and being home by half nine!

Another member said we always just meet for dinner somewhere, it's easier for everyone that way. To which she has responded with a snippy 'if you invite, you host'.

I haven't responded yet - I will - but I absolutely do not want to host. I just think this is really fucking rude?

OP posts:
Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 05/04/2023 14:15

🙄

'Oops did you post this in the wrong chat?' Or a 🎭 since she loves the drama.

Cheeks <insert fav insult here> what a twat. Good for you for ignoring aa tempting as it is to say something snippy back.

SmallAngryPenguinWoman · 05/04/2023 14:17

The eye roll tells you all you need to know about her! I'd be avoiding her at all costs from now on.
Also, at PP said - beware of her turning up and expecting to "taste" other people's meals and just have a sip of wine! All in the name of getting to know you all better.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 05/04/2023 14:22

Also, at PP said - beware of her turning up and expecting to "taste" other people's meals and just have a sip of wine! All in the name of getting to know you all better.

Or deciding she can afford a meal out, ordering cocktails, starters, sides ("for the table"), main, pudding, coffee and plenty of wine, then suggesting you split the bill when everyone else has had two courses and a glass of wine.

Yes that is past and bitter experience talking

MissMarplesbag · 05/04/2023 14:25

Book another restaurant as a standby and right at the last minute inform the others privately. She will attempt to attend and do what @BrightYellowDaffodil mentioned above.

zurala · 05/04/2023 14:25

Not seriously suggesting this, but...

Post this: Sorry you can't make the meal out but if you need a night in you could join our book club. We are currently reading "How to win friends and influence people". Let us know if you want to join!

😄

Strawberrydelight78 · 05/04/2023 14:25

That's fine with close friends. But I wouldn't want a load of people in my house I don't know well. It's not come dine with me when everyone takes turns to host and CF has no choice about having they're turn to host.

FlipFlopBattle · 05/04/2023 14:30

WillowtreeHouse · 05/04/2023 13:30

And stupidly, as a chronic people pleaser I'm feeling a bit crappy about it, which I know is really stupid!

CFs rely on someone feeling crappy about not doing what they want. Seem to be able to hunt them out like a bloodhound.

Mumsnet is full of lovely chronic people pleasers who started out doing the odd favour for a CF, and realise several years later that they've somehow ended up acting as their private chauffeur, adding their kids to the school run every day, or subsidising their social life...

You spotted her game straight away, ~1730 voters (and her subsequent behaviour) have confirmed that your instinct was right, so trust it, and if you find yourself dithering when she asks you for ANY favours from now on, post again on here for moral support!

Sunnyfunnytimes · 05/04/2023 14:32

Glad you clarified that it was pay for yourselves, as otherwise your and the risk of this woman fronting up and demanding you pay. What awful behaviour.

BMW6 · 05/04/2023 14:37

Oh dear oh dear, she's showing herself up really badly.
#How not to endear yourself to a new club and make new friends

LavenderfortheBees · 05/04/2023 15:10

If I was the admin I'd be tempted to just boot her off the chat. Way to ruin the vibe!

Summerpetal · 05/04/2023 15:11

There’s always one twat in every group
she’s just outed herself

Sasha07 · 05/04/2023 15:12

I wonder if she's a certain CF SIL who's joined a running club especially for the hen night break she's taking her husband on...
Seriously though, I'd have just blanked her and her ridiculousness, wouldn't even acknowledge her cf comments. She'll hate not having the acknowledgement she thinks her audacity deserves.

Delatron · 05/04/2023 15:12

Is the group chat to organise the running or more of a social WhatsApp? If social get her removed.

Singularity82 · 05/04/2023 15:12

Cheeky cow! I would reply to the eye roll “what’s this supposed to mean?”

Suzi888 · 05/04/2023 15:15

“You invite, you host” 🤣🤣🤣

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣How about Noooooooo!

elrider · 05/04/2023 15:18

We had a CF in a very small WhatsApp group. It got remade, minus the CF, and renamed XGroup (NFT). 'No Fucking Twats'. Life is too short to be bothered with such people

Perfect, @gokartdillydilly - OP should do this if she starts to ruin the group!

Nanny0gg · 05/04/2023 15:20

caramac04 · 05/04/2023 09:13

I’d say that’s not how it works but if you want to host next time that’s great.

Yep This.

Nanny0gg · 05/04/2023 15:23

redskylight · 05/04/2023 10:54

Just to offer a different opinion - she's new to the group, she doesn't know how things work in "your" group yet. Maybe give her the benefit of the doubt?

I have plenty of groups of friends where it would be perfectly reasonable to respond to "anyone fancy a meal out next week" with "nar, I'm skint, can we all come round yours instead?". And actually what tends to happen in that case is that whilst I'm "hosting" everyone turns up with wine, chocolates and nibbles, it's absolutely no bother for me, other than putting some things in the dishwasher at the end of the night, and I end up with the leftovers :)

If she had a similar idea in mind, then can't see that it's particularly CF. And if you have members in your group that can't afford to eat out, maybe you should consider some alternative social events that don't involve them having to do so?

When you're new somewhere you (should) watch to see how things are done. You don't start dictating how you think things should be

And if other members want to host for a 'bring a dish' evening they can suggest it!

SandLResources · 05/04/2023 15:31

So glad to hear that everyone else saw sense on your WhatsApp Group. It takes a village to bring down a CF.

FrigginFrig · 05/04/2023 15:31

She's a total knobber, I'd reply with 🤡 and create a new group, minus her.

Minfilia · 05/04/2023 15:35

I’d have to respond to the 🙄 with 😂😂😂

Namechangethisonetime · 05/04/2023 15:42

Good god, no. It’ll cost you a small fortune hosting nibbles etc for a group anyway, far more than her saving of approx £15-20 for a cheap Chinese dinner!

MrsKHunt · 05/04/2023 15:43

I wonder if she's related to the soft play lady. Does anyone else remember that post
Grin
Stand firm @WillowtreeHouse

ColdHandsHotHead · 05/04/2023 15:45

I'd keep a close eye on this individual. It's not about where you eat the meal, it's about her making her presence felt in the group and changing things to suit herself. She'll try something else soon.

IhearyouClemFandango · 05/04/2023 15:47

redskylight · 05/04/2023 10:54

Just to offer a different opinion - she's new to the group, she doesn't know how things work in "your" group yet. Maybe give her the benefit of the doubt?

I have plenty of groups of friends where it would be perfectly reasonable to respond to "anyone fancy a meal out next week" with "nar, I'm skint, can we all come round yours instead?". And actually what tends to happen in that case is that whilst I'm "hosting" everyone turns up with wine, chocolates and nibbles, it's absolutely no bother for me, other than putting some things in the dishwasher at the end of the night, and I end up with the leftovers :)

If she had a similar idea in mind, then can't see that it's particularly CF. And if you have members in your group that can't afford to eat out, maybe you should consider some alternative social events that don't involve them having to do so?

Saying "nah I'm skint, come round mine" is not in the least bit cheeky. "Can we come round yours" is definitely cheeky, friends or not.

These guys aren't even friends.

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