Taking step kids on holiday - AIBU?

[B0711]

My partner has a 8 year old girl from a previous relationship and we’ve just had a baby (currently 3 months), he’s my one and only (vasectomy pending).

Now, I really want to go on holiday just me, my partner and my baby. His ex has already had an issue with us when she THOUGHT we were going on holiday without her daughter and telling us that the daughter was extremely upset etc. We have no idea where the idea came from as we hadn’t even spoken or contemplated holidays at this point.

Anyways, since that conversation I have said to my partner that sometimes that may happen. I grew up with stepdads who had kids and they didn’t come on holiday with us so to me it’s normal. Plus what if we can’t afford to take both on holiday in the future? Does that mean my child then can’t have a holiday in case of upsetting the other child? Even though the other child has a well off mother so will be holidaying plenty.

She will come on some holidays with us for definite but my thoughts on this are;

I’m only going to have one maternity year, my baby is only going to be free (in terms of cost) to take on holiday for so long. We can’t afford to take the daughter away as well, it’s around an additional £500/£700 pound especially as we’ll have to do school holidays.

My partner agreed when I told him my thoughts but im sure he thinks I’ve forgotten about the conversation as he’s now constantly mentioning his daughter in our holiday discussions, has told his daughter that we’re trying to plan a summer holiday all together so now she is excited. Like WTF?

I’m not working with being on maternity so I’m on statutory pay, but the holiday would be coming out of MY savings.

I feel like such a bitch trying to push this conversation my way but I feel like I’m being reasonable.

I only get this one chance, it’s my money, I want a stress free holiday and entertaining an 8 year old who is bored all the time is not my idea of stress free.

I might just go on holiday on my own with our son at this point.

They are not being excluded, a holiday is just happening that doesn't include them. Same as many of their holidays don't include their half siblings.

It honestly never crossed my mind that it was an issue and in my whole childhood I went on holiday with my father and his other children/stepchildren maybe twice. I had plenty of holidays, and I had some holidays with my father, but I wasn't included in every holiday that everyone ever took, why should I be?

YABU. Don't exclude your childs sibling. It's her dad just as much as your child's. You are all 4 a family now. She is only 8 years old. Sure, she gets to go away with her mum but I'm sure she would have rather have gone away with her, her mum and dad. As she can't, she will go with her mum and dad sepearately. You must have known this before getting togeher with someone who was already a dad. Really, don't exclude her. Of course she is excited going away with her dad and new baby sibling. Your DH should pay for her though.

Don't have a kid with someone who is a parent if you don't want to take on their child. I really hope you manage to hide from her what an inconvenience she is.

Honestly op - I'm afraid babies are harder away from home than at home. It isn't a holiday. You don't have your stuff, you don't have your routines, you may have your partner, but my experience is that men often seem to forget that their wives are on holiday too. You seem to be focussing on this as your answer to everything whereas the problem seems to be your day to day loneliness.

Someone taught you to be that entitled. It's their fault.

My DDad and Stepmum used to take me and Dsis on hols.

When stepmum had her 1st DS, DSis and I went on one holiday with them. After that DDad and stepmum only took their joint DCs on hol. DSis and I didn’t even notice.

Our mum would say your dads on hols so you’re staying home this weekend. They went when we were at school so we wouldn’t have gone anyway.

OP, I think a hol with the 3 of you is perfectly acceptable. Stepchild doesn’t have to be included in everything you do. She has 2 families and those families will do things without her

How sad for this little girl.

They all share a parent. A kind adult appreciates the limits of a child’s understanding. A loving partner actually wants to include their partner’s previous child, as they a family together.

Kids are “entitled” now for wanting to spend special times with their parent 🤪

I can’t understand why everyone always has to go on the same holidays. Our children have gone on separate holidays ( no step-children) and it’s no big deal. 🤷

I haven't read the thread, so I apologise if someone has already asked this. But if you split up with your partner and have another child with a new man, how will you feel if your new partner wants to go on holiday with your younger child but leave your son at home?

There’s a different dynamic when step-children are involved, to a family unit with 2 parents and children. In the family unit, the children are more secure with their place in the family.

Entitled? To being part of a family where all family members are treated equally and included in the family holiday? Nah. That's just being family.

It would be a bit different considering I would be the main parent. As I would literally be leaving my child at home. We’re not leaving his daughter, we’re simply (theoretically) not taking her somewhere.

@Bernadinetta The DH could take his DD on another holiday perhaps, without the Op and the baby? She’d probably love that and they could do activities that she wants to.

Hypothetically that should say.

@CatherinedeBourgh I think you're the one that's entitled. How many holidays did you get taken on so you're capable of not caring when you're 8 years old.

I honestly wouldn’t mind that. They’re constantly out together on their own doing activities she wants to do.

I paid for them to go on holiday last year without me.

I must be reading a different thread with some of these answers. You clearly love your dsd, she has integrated with your family and you paid for her, your partner and his mum to go on holiday with your family without you this time around. I think your partner is being an arse. There’s nothing wrong with going away in term time. You need this for your mental health. You are also a person and can be a much better mum and stepmum if your needs are also met.

And if the father wanted to take the 8yo on holiday alone would that not be OK? So the 8yo will now forever more have to have their holidays with their father be conditioned by the needs of someone 8 years younger?

That's what would be crap in my opinion.

Literally don’t give a shit how much they go away with their mum. How is that relevant? They need a relationship with their dad Your partner is being unreasonable to do a family holiday without his child. It’s extremely unfair and will build resentment. I am sad for you that you think it’s okay. Do you not like the child?