Threatening police, have I done anything wrong?

[Salemtrust]

I've taken Dd and some of her friends(10-12) away for the week. Unfortunately I've had family emergency come up today and am going to have to leave tomorrow to help. Dsd (23) and her bf have offered to come and take over. The girls all seen more than happy with this, they have an event on Thursday which was the whole reason for the trip and want to stay.
I've called the other parents to let them know and one parent was furious and said that they don't want someone else looking after their child and that I need to either stay or bring their child home.
I've said they are welcome to come and get their child (4hour drive) and I'm happy to arrange and pay to send her home on public transport but I can't stay or bring her home so if not she will come home Friday as planned. They are now threatening to call the police saying its kidnap and endangerment and I've changed the terms they agreed to send their child on.
Have I do a anything wrong? Am I being unreasonable?

Pretty sure the OP would have said what the emergency was if there was one

YAB hugely U.

Depends on the emergency. Immediate risk to life or limb and I'd be helping you get them home - but I have a car, a flexible job and money for fuel so that's doable for me, it isn't for everyone.

An emergency that can wait til tomorrow, I would expect you to bring them home first, because that's what happens when you take on other people's kids, you have to prioritise them.

Clearly they're being ridiculous threatening the police but you're not being reasonable yourself.

Don't think the OP is coming back.

What’s to say the OP isn’t a pedo? You don’t know what anyone’s like…

There is a pair of you in it!
You brought their child away, assumed responsibility and need to honour that. If not then bring the child back from where you took them, pretty simple logic
They are right to push that with you, you can’t just say that someone else is taking over when that’s not what they agreed to. But their escalation is bananas and they need to get a fucking grip!

I wouldn't be happy with sending my dcs on public transport for such a long journey,
you'd have to drop them home!
It's your responsibility

You’re being totally U OP. You took the kids you bring them home if you can’t look after them. You certainly do not call in randoms that the parents have never met, or expect them to do an 4 hour drive to pick them up. The police thing is way OTT but that doesn’t mean what you’re doing is ok.

What is the emergency? Can someone else not cover it?

What’s the safe public transport that’s obviously a few hours away that you’d put a 10-12 yr old who, I would guess, wouldn’t have a clue about the journey. Would they be travelling alone (I’ll guess by train).

The police is OTT , but you took them and you should bring her back

It would depend completely on the nature of the emergency to me.

I've had an unexpected family emergency where I've been called by the hospital and told to get there ASAP. I wouldn't have had time to drive 4 hours away. My priority would have been going to the hospital and saying goodbye. If it's something like that, YANBU at all & the parent is being an arsehole to not understand.

Threatening the police and talk of kidnapping is an absolutely ridiculous overreaction. However, the parent is not unreasonable to be annoyed with the change of circumstances given they agreed to this on the assumption you'd be present. That said, if I was that parent unhappy with the new arrangement, and you were unable to bring my child home, I'd go and collect them myself. I'd also be sympathetic to the family emergency, depending on how serious it was. I definitely wouldn't start throwing around accusations of kidnapping ffs.

Maybe but op is in the middle of a family crisis, is trying to settle a group of pre teens and field some parents so maybe updating mumsnet isn't a priority.

I don't think I'd want some random person chosen by OP to look after my kids when she had said she was doing it.

Ah that’s a pity she didn’t come back to tell us.

I would bring all the children home if it was a real emergency, but really I would never bring a group of children away for a week on my own! Or even one night for that matter.

You were very brave.

YABU - I understand your thinking, but I think you've gone a bit wrong here

I think you had three options

1. You swap with another adult so the trip continues as planned without you
2. All the other parents come and collect their kids and the trip ends
3. You sort transporting the girls back home and the trip ends.

I can see why #1 is the preferred option, but the first port of call should have been calls to the other parents to say "I'm going to have to leave asap due to an emergency, is anyone able to come and supervise the trip?" If the answer was no, then you could have said "Right, Sally, my older daughter and her boyfriend are available and willing to come and supervise. Is that ok with everyone? If not, the trip is over"
If all said no then that should have been a "right, well trips over, is anyone able to come and collect the girls so I can go straight to deal with my emergency?"
If not, that should have been a "right, well the girls will be back at the location we agreed I'd drop them off at in about 5 hours time then, please be there too". If only one parent said no, then you'd probably be wanting to say, "right, well the options are you collect her asap, or I'll drop her off in about five hours"

If everyone had been unhappy, you'd have genuinely needed to leave in the opposite direct asap, then perhaps a compromise could have been you bought all the girls train tickets on a direct train, took them to the station, saw them onto the train, and another parent or everyone's parents collected them at the other main station, so no changing trains needed. But again, you'd need parents and girls to be happy with that.

Maybe but op is in the middle of a family crisis, is trying to settle a group of pre teens and field some parents so maybe updating mumsnet isn't a priority.

It wouldn't occur to me to start a thread at all in these circumstances. I'd be trying to get things resolved, not starting AIBU polls and asking strangers for feedback.

POSTING the thread was a priority though eh?

Cross post - exactly this! ^

Your are being unreasonable. The children are in your care and you have responsibility to see them home. To the parent, it will sound like you have washed your hands of their child by suggesting they travel on public transport their own from an unfamiliar place.

This parent put a lot of trust in you, so it’s understandable they are concerned, but they are also overreacting by threatening to call the police.

Could you meet in the middle, find a mutually agreeable drop off location?

This. Sorry but you need to take her kid home as the terms have changed and this isn't what she agreed to.

It's not that type of emergency though as OP has said she needs to leave tomorrow to get to her emergency.

So she has all night to post online rather than just take responsibility and drive the child in question/all the children home first.

You are being very unreasonable. I had 2 kids and was pregnant with my 3rd at 23. I wouldn't want a random 23 year-old I'd never met watching my kid though. Never mind the boyfriend.
What if the parents can't travel? If you had taken my daughter away I wouldn't be able to collect her as I don't drive, I'm disabled and can't afford to spend money on 4 hours worth of public transport.
You should absolutely take the child home first.

OP only has one option: to drive the kids home then deal with the family emergency.

Surely people aren’t this rigid? Surely anyone with an ounce of empathy would say ‘oh my god, I’m so sorry. Of course you need to prioritise your family, I will come and get Lucy and if anyone else needs a lift back we will take them. Thanks for taking them in the first place’

OP posted just after 7pm. Pack and load car, drive 4 hours, all kids are safely returned to their parents by midnight. OP is free to attend emergency.