Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Threatening police, have I done anything wrong?

707 replies

Salemtrust · 04/04/2023 19:20

I've taken Dd and some of her friends(10-12) away for the week. Unfortunately I've had family emergency come up today and am going to have to leave tomorrow to help. Dsd (23) and her bf have offered to come and take over. The girls all seen more than happy with this, they have an event on Thursday which was the whole reason for the trip and want to stay.
I've called the other parents to let them know and one parent was furious and said that they don't want someone else looking after their child and that I need to either stay or bring their child home.
I've said they are welcome to come and get their child (4hour drive) and I'm happy to arrange and pay to send her home on public transport but I can't stay or bring her home so if not she will come home Friday as planned. They are now threatening to call the police saying its kidnap and endangerment and I've changed the terms they agreed to send their child on.
Have I do a anything wrong? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
lunar1 · 04/04/2023 21:24

Why can't she travel back with you?

psychDr · 04/04/2023 21:25

ThisNameIsNotAvailable · 04/04/2023 21:22

Surely people aren’t this rigid? Surely anyone with an ounce of empathy would say ‘oh my god, I’m so sorry. Of course you need to prioritise your family, I will come and get Lucy and if anyone else needs a lift back we will take them. Thanks for taking them in the first place’

Yeah. Completely this.

DonnaRix · 04/04/2023 21:25

HerRoyalStressHead · 04/04/2023 21:20

You are being very unreasonable. I had 2 kids and was pregnant with my 3rd at 23. I wouldn't want a random 23 year-old I'd never met watching my kid though. Never mind the boyfriend.
What if the parents can't travel? If you had taken my daughter away I wouldn't be able to collect her as I don't drive, I'm disabled and can't afford to spend money on 4 hours worth of public transport.
You should absolutely take the child home first.

Yeah ok but you can’t surely send your primary school aged child away without some sort of contingency for getting them back??

You can’t just wash your hands if it all.

HerRoyalStressHead · 04/04/2023 21:27

@DonnaRix I'd expect the parent taking them to have a contingency plan to get them home, not to leave them with a stranger. That's what I'd do if I had children that didn't belong to me and something came up. I'd get them home.

Littlethingsmeanalot · 04/04/2023 21:27

Personally I’d drive over and get my child but I’d be furious you felt it safe to put a ten to 12 year old on public transport alone to do that journey or leave them with a 23 year old and her boyfriend. I personally think you should have returned the kids and have a responsibility here. I’d also wonder what kind of Emergency means you can wait a day to leave and didn’t leave today and take the kids home.

ConstanceOcean · 04/04/2023 21:28

Aturnipforthebooks · 04/04/2023 20:52

@ConstanceOcean

However I would not be comfortable with a strange man looking after my child which I know is ridiculous.

Why is it ridiculous to not want a man you don't know to look after your child?

Because statistically strange men aren’t the problem.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/04/2023 21:30

Depends on the emergency as far as I'm concerned. If it's a major emergency emergency, e.g. a close family member/friend on their deathbed or someone very vulnerable needing support that only you can provide - then I think it is one of those things that just can't be helped.

If not really that much of an emergency, then I too would be very upset in their position. I would not be happy for my child to be left with people who I didn't know, and I think 10/11 is too young for a child to have to navigate a long and unfamiliar journey on public transport. I would therefore have to drive to collect her - not sure if 4 hours is a round trip or one way, but I am not a very confident driver and I would be upset about having to do this when I wasn't expecting it. Of course, I would suck it up if I had to, and if you had a genuine emergency, you would be none the wiser.

The comments about kidnapping and calling the police are clearly silly. However, I do understand them being really pissed off.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 04/04/2023 21:30

ThisNameIsNotAvailable · 04/04/2023 21:22

Surely people aren’t this rigid? Surely anyone with an ounce of empathy would say ‘oh my god, I’m so sorry. Of course you need to prioritise your family, I will come and get Lucy and if anyone else needs a lift back we will take them. Thanks for taking them in the first place’

But OP hasn’t specified the issue so it’s hard to sympathise. Family emergency could be anything from a loved one dying to their aunt is coming for a last minute visit.
Also maybe the parents don’t drive so can’t pick up children.

ConstanceOcean · 04/04/2023 21:30

ThisNameIsNotAvailable · 04/04/2023 21:22

Surely people aren’t this rigid? Surely anyone with an ounce of empathy would say ‘oh my god, I’m so sorry. Of course you need to prioritise your family, I will come and get Lucy and if anyone else needs a lift back we will take them. Thanks for taking them in the first place’

How are they meant to get her if they don’t drive?

Littlethingsmeanalot · 04/04/2023 21:30

Stravaig · 04/04/2023 21:23

OP posted just after 7pm. Pack and load car, drive 4 hours, all kids are safely returned to their parents by midnight. OP is free to attend emergency.

And clearly it was much before 7, so I agree, she could have taken the kids home and been there even earlier to help with the emergency.

DannyZukosSmile · 04/04/2023 21:32

ThisNameIsNotAvailable · 04/04/2023 21:22

Surely people aren’t this rigid? Surely anyone with an ounce of empathy would say ‘oh my god, I’m so sorry. Of course you need to prioritise your family, I will come and get Lucy and if anyone else needs a lift back we will take them. Thanks for taking them in the first place’

LOL.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 04/04/2023 21:32

ConstanceOcean · 04/04/2023 21:28

Because statistically strange men aren’t the problem.

Show quote history

Surely that’s because statistically parents avoid leaving their children with men they don’t know? While it’s more likely a child will be abused by someone known it doesn’t follow that you’re safer to leave them with random men.

lazycats · 04/04/2023 21:32

The op seems to have fucked off, but I’d be curious to know the ages (unless that’s the 10-12 part?).

This is one of those rare ‘both sides are wrong’ threads. The parents are being ridiculous with the police but I can also see why they wouldn’t be thrilled about your step daughter and/or long distance public transport compromise.

Triggerfinger · 04/04/2023 21:33

YABVU

DannyZukosSmile · 04/04/2023 21:33

lunar1 · 04/04/2023 21:24

Why can't she travel back with you?

Excellent question. OP ain't coming back to answer it though. Hmm

DannyZukosSmile · 04/04/2023 21:34

lazycats · 04/04/2023 21:32

The op seems to have fucked off, but I’d be curious to know the ages (unless that’s the 10-12 part?).

This is one of those rare ‘both sides are wrong’ threads. The parents are being ridiculous with the police but I can also see why they wouldn’t be thrilled about your step daughter and/or long distance public transport compromise.

It's not one of those rare 'both sides are wrong' threads at all.

The OP is 100% wrong.

raincamepouringdown · 04/04/2023 21:34

YABU

The 'emergency' has you leaving tomorrow. Tomorrow. So can't be too much of an emergency preventing you from packing them all up tonight and driving them all home before going to deal with your 'emergency'.

Mirabai · 04/04/2023 21:34

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/04/2023 21:30

Depends on the emergency as far as I'm concerned. If it's a major emergency emergency, e.g. a close family member/friend on their deathbed or someone very vulnerable needing support that only you can provide - then I think it is one of those things that just can't be helped.

If not really that much of an emergency, then I too would be very upset in their position. I would not be happy for my child to be left with people who I didn't know, and I think 10/11 is too young for a child to have to navigate a long and unfamiliar journey on public transport. I would therefore have to drive to collect her - not sure if 4 hours is a round trip or one way, but I am not a very confident driver and I would be upset about having to do this when I wasn't expecting it. Of course, I would suck it up if I had to, and if you had a genuine emergency, you would be none the wiser.

The comments about kidnapping and calling the police are clearly silly. However, I do understand them being really pissed off.

But the point is, OP is only leaving the girls their in the care of a couple of 23 year olds so that the girls can stay and go to the event on Thurs.

If it’s a major emergency OP just has to drive the girls home first before she deals with it.

Mirabai · 04/04/2023 21:35

raincamepouringdown · 04/04/2023 21:34

YABU

The 'emergency' has you leaving tomorrow. Tomorrow. So can't be too much of an emergency preventing you from packing them all up tonight and driving them all home before going to deal with your 'emergency'.

Exactly.

Cherryblossoms85 · 04/04/2023 21:35

The paranoia seems a bit off the scale.

yummumto3girls · 04/04/2023 21:36

YABU you should return the girls home or request one of the other parents take over. If you are not leaving until tomorrow you could have returned today. Public transport at that age, no way!

ConstanceOcean · 04/04/2023 21:37

ThomasinaLivesHere · 04/04/2023 21:32

Surely that’s because statistically parents avoid leaving their children with men they don’t know? While it’s more likely a child will be abused by someone known it doesn’t follow that you’re safer to leave them with random men.

Show quote history

Maybe that’s part of it.

But it’s also a case of men grooming their victims and getting close enough without raising suspicion, which they can’t do if they’ve just met them. Especially when it comes to children.

I personally wouldn’t trust a stranger with my child either but it is always the people closest to you that are usually the ones that do it.

HazyDragon · 04/04/2023 21:37

What 23yo man would put themselves in a situation where they were jointly responsible for a group of preteen girls?? Overnight? 4 hours from home?
Not one with any sense!

Of course the parents are pissed off. And it's nothing like a teacher or group leader taking a group of children away.

user146539089 · 04/04/2023 21:37

Good grief. A lot of you are in danger of turning your dc into nervous wrecks. If I was the parent I’d probably pack a bag and offer to take over. Problem sorted. Everyone happy.

PlanningTowns · 04/04/2023 21:38

I’m struggling with this one. Setting aside the ridiculousness of involving the police, it all depends on the nature of the emergency and why the 23 year old can’t help with that whilst you stay with the kids, fulfill your commitment and then go to the emergency.

as a mum I wouldn’t be happy with my kid going away with a couple of strangers, and would go pick my kid (and any of the others) up. Massive inconvenience, but it’s one of those things depending on the nature of the emergency.

I would however be bloody furious if the emergency really isn’t something that someone else can deal with (notably your daughter), and I would also think hard about allowing my child in your care again. If a family member is I’ll or similar then I think it would have to be the end of the trip unless one of the other parents is happy to take over.

Swipe left for the next trending thread