Threatening police, have I done anything wrong?

[Salemtrust]

I've taken Dd and some of her friends(10-12) away for the week. Unfortunately I've had family emergency come up today and am going to have to leave tomorrow to help. Dsd (23) and her bf have offered to come and take over. The girls all seen more than happy with this, they have an event on Thursday which was the whole reason for the trip and want to stay.
I've called the other parents to let them know and one parent was furious and said that they don't want someone else looking after their child and that I need to either stay or bring their child home.
I've said they are welcome to come and get their child (4hour drive) and I'm happy to arrange and pay to send her home on public transport but I can't stay or bring her home so if not she will come home Friday as planned. They are now threatening to call the police saying its kidnap and endangerment and I've changed the terms they agreed to send their child on.
Have I do a anything wrong? Am I being unreasonable?

Daft comparison that doesnt work, but if you insist.....First, I wouldn't have a few drinks if my child was at sleepover an hour away, as I may need to collect.
But if for whatever reason I couldn't collect, I would expect the friends mum to take care of the sick child until I could have her collected.

And so would you, so you are actually agreeing with me. In your scenario OP would be offering to put the sick kid on a bus or send her to some other unknown person to look after her, both of which you know to be terrible suggestions.

If you had a child at a sleepover at your house, would you not agree it is your responsibility to deal with them in the absence of their parents? And that you can't just say "not my problem" and put them out in the garden?

Exactly!

But I guess this will be dismissed as not relevant.

of course I would take responsibility but I tell you what, I’d be raging if I had to deal with a sick and upset child overnight because you hadn’t put a plan in place for such an eventuality (for example, as you say, not drinking). I’d be going above and beyond for the child’s sake, but it would be your fault as the parent.

In this case the OP is for whatever reason unable to take the children back. She has suggested two (crap) alternatives but at the end of the day, the parents need to collect if the child needs to come home.

What would have happened if the op was ill if they didn’t have a back up to collect their kid?

If you'd be raging at having to look after a sick child at night, don't ever host sleepovers.
It could be anything, maybe I can't get there at 2am because I don't have a car, or my DH is at work with the car, or I'm a carer for an elderly parent who can't be left, or my phone ran out of battery and I don't get your call.....

It's YOUR responsibilty to look after children you have chosen to host. No buts. If you don't get that, don't ever host any children.

I wouldn’t put a child of 10 on public transport by herself. That’s just me. I don’t care what others do, I wouldn’t do it. Your emergency, the little you’ve described it in latest post, isn’t an excuse at all for bailing on your agreement to take charge of these children, accompany them on a four hour journey to and from this event, and take them to event.

Their well being is your number priority for that period of time. Keeping your word. You cannot be trusted, that is it in a nutshell.

Smugly telling parents out of the blue that their 10 year old will either be put on public transport by herself for 4 hrs, or be minded by a 23 yr old and a boyfriend neither the child nor the parents have ever met. Strangers, no idea what kind of people they are. That’s a non.

Very foolish of you, op. No sense whatsoever.

One thing’s for sure, the OP is too flaky to be solely responsible for other people’s children for several days several hours away.

You have it backwards- if you have reasons you can’t fulfil your responsibility as a parent if they are at a sleepover (ie have transport/money/time/availability to collect them at any time in the night) then you need to make sure your kids never go to sleepovers.

So so entitled.

Absolutely so. It's quite alarming how many people with full parental responsibility on this thread apparently to think this belongs elsewhere, merely because they've entrusted someone else with their child's temporary care. What's the betting these are also the ones who think educators are there for childcare?

My child is my responsibility. If issues arise under that jurisdiction I would expect to be informed of them - as OP has done - and if I don't like their solutions I will take these upon myself. If unexpected circumstances arise, the wellbeing over my child will always take precedence over work.

As to what would qualify as an unavoidable emergency, determining whether I'd be annoyed or sympathetic about their behaviour, this much the OP hasn't divulged. The question posed by the thread - 'have I done anything wrong' - is therefore moot.

Entertaining thread, all the same!

@SerafinasGoose exactly. I would have been prepared for this situation (especially one adult taking multiple kids- almost bound to go wrong somewhere). I would be irritated because it’s a pain and I would definitely not let my child stay/get the train so I would grumble to myself and set off to get my kid!

Some of you seem to be missing that OP decided at 7.30pm to leave the girls, and left them at least by 8.30am, possibly earlier. Saying "but emergency" doesn't mean they can warp time to get there with an hour, it means there needs to be collection. Basics to sort any other kids or pets, plus a 4 hour drive or unknown travel time by public transport plus taxis. Driving 8 hours straight at night after a normal day is unsafe (still driving at 4am thanks to OP's "plan"!), even driving until midnight might be hard depending on the day but if they can then that means accommodation to book, which might be tricky so late at night. If not or no car then they need to get to station and get tickets, which may make the journey impossible in the same evening and certainly very unlikely they could make it back again so that's accommodation to book again. Even throwing money at the issue on regular fare of £1.20-£3/ mile for a taxi over 200 miles, you'd struggle to get a driver to agree to go that far and back overnight. Earliest trains will be 5.30am, so they can't arrive by 8am that way either.

Put it all together, the parents said they will collect, but you have to look at what's involved to see that they couldn't reasonably do it before OP has already run away abandoning their 10-12yo kid. A kid she said she would look after before she took them away. It isn't a true emergency with her in hospital and police / social services keeping them safe overnight, it's all happened because she's agreed to help someone out with their childcare AFTER she already had the kids in her care, instead of arranging to drop off the child on her way / meet them part-way / wait until they can arrive at 11 / or any of the many other possible solutions that wouldn't have involved leaving their child.

the other parent is being overdramatic with talk of kidnap and police but taking a group of 10-12 year olds on a trip then bailing on them is bloody irresponsible. The reason for leaving doesn't matter, OPs priority was to those DC & their parents, not to sort out another adult's emergency. And not even offering to return the DC, just shove them on a 4 hour public transport journey if the parents don't like it FFS.

Whether DSD is OK with it is neither here nor there, unless DSD & BF are well known to the other parents & they were all fine about it in advance, which at least one of them isn't.

If someone had taken my DC on a trip 4 hours away then bailed and left them with someone/anyone else, then told me if I didn't like it my DC would be shoved alone on a 4 hour train ride I'd have been incandescent. I'd have gone and either collected DC or stayed with them myself and accompanied the DC to whatever event it is because my DC are ultimately my responsibility wherever they are, but the friendship with the OP's family would be firmly at an end.

I'm sorry but YABVU you took a group of young pre-teens away for a week and their parents entrusted their children care to you. Whatever family emergency that you have, you cannot just palm them off onto a 23yr old and her boyfriend.

There are just so many red flags, I'd be absolutely fuming if this was my daughter, and I'm sorry offering to put a young unaccompanied child onto public transport for a 4 hour journey is also extremely risky and not something any parent would agree to.

I'm also struggling to work out what on earth can have happened that means that you can't stay and look after your young chargers and need to leave them with people the parents weren't aware would be looking after their children.

This

@MRex surely one of the first things to consider before you let your kid sleep somewhere (anywhere) else is ‘could I collect them at 3am if there is an emergency?! If the answer is no because of any reason then you don’t let them go!

I think it's a bit ridiculous to say that unless you can get to your child at a moment's notice in the event of any change of plans then you should send them. By that logic you could never be more than 30 miles from your children. The fact is that you in some circumstances leave them in the care of others that you trust to look after them - whether that's school, a club or another adult. As a result that other person or entity has a duty of care to your children.

Obviously in a genuine emergency, let's say OP had a heart attack or got hit by a bus, that's different. In that case you'd presumably expect the authorities to keep an eye on them untill you could get to them. Running off to look after someone else's children when you have already committed to that duty of care to someone else isn't ok. Especially when the alternative is a huge public transport mission late in the evening. And the parents did come, but they were pissed off - and rightly so.

@Itsbytheby well obviously it won’t be a moments notice to get to the child unless they are sleeping over next door, but being able to leave in a timely manner (eg, not being too drunk to drive, knowing you have petrol or bus money, having a plan for other kids etc) is just common sense.

surely one of the first things to consider before you let your kid sleep somewhere (anywhere) else is ‘could I collect them at 3am if there is an emergency?! If the answer is no because of any reason then you don’t let them go! it wasn't an emergency for the OP, it was someone else's emergency she decided to be the hero of. Of course you let them go, you just don't expect the person you've entrusted them with to fuck off to do something else.

No, you don't need to always make sure you can collect your child within an hour at 3am, you need to make sure your child is only left in the care of someone you can trust to look after them until you get back to them. Sadly OP has proven she isn't one of those people who can be trusted. A tricky way for the parents and kids to learn that, but they now know for the future and will undoubtedly be more careful to check contingency plans in future.

Exactly @ConstableGoody the children remain your children and your responsibility whether you have had a drink, fancied a few child free days, would prefer not to drive 4hrs to collect them etc. These though are all things responsible parents consider before agreeing to let their child go away. We also are assuming it is the 10yr old being put on a train. It could be the 12yr old, an age at which many children commute by train/tube to secondary school and some children travel internationally alone to go to school. Again not choices I've made myself but many do. If a direct train, being put on at stop X and being collected at stop Y is something many 11/12 year olds could manage.

It is clear that 2/3 families had no problem with the change in arrangements but those who did needed to do whatever they had planned to do in an emergency.

People on here genuinely scare me! So the OP has kindly taken a group away and is now getting the parent brigade offering all types of ludicrous advice of what she should’ve done. As for “you took them away they’re your responsibility”, well if that’s the attitude of the parents I wouldn’t be taking them again!
She had a family emergency! Did any of the other parents offer to come and take over? No thought not, happy to palm their child off but then get abuse when life events happen!

Can’t be trusted??? She had an emergency and now she’s being told she can’t be trusted.
I really hope the other parents tried to help or at least showed a shred of sympathy for the situation

This!!

They are idiots

No you've done othing wrong your not preventing her leaving if they want to be like that tell them you rang the police and they are happy to send social services to collect her. This is effectively what the police would do or ask that the parents collect her. You have provided alternative care, and offer of sending home via local transport. Honestly you've done no wrong. Ring the police on 101 they will advise you this. They'll also tell you the options or I form the other parent of said options.