Threatening police, have I done anything wrong?

[Salemtrust]

I've taken Dd and some of her friends(10-12) away for the week. Unfortunately I've had family emergency come up today and am going to have to leave tomorrow to help. Dsd (23) and her bf have offered to come and take over. The girls all seen more than happy with this, they have an event on Thursday which was the whole reason for the trip and want to stay.
I've called the other parents to let them know and one parent was furious and said that they don't want someone else looking after their child and that I need to either stay or bring their child home.
I've said they are welcome to come and get their child (4hour drive) and I'm happy to arrange and pay to send her home on public transport but I can't stay or bring her home so if not she will come home Friday as planned. They are now threatening to call the police saying its kidnap and endangerment and I've changed the terms they agreed to send their child on.
Have I do a anything wrong? Am I being unreasonable?

I imagine they thought that in an emergency, OP wouldn't abandon their kids to either strangers or public transport alone. Who would imagine that?

I imagine they thought OP would take responsibility for the children in her care and not be so cavalier with their safety. They were wrong, obviously.

I was looking at it that the parents must know Op well enough to have trusted her to take their dc away. So if a mum had phoned me up and said emergency my first thought would be oh no how can I help not threaten police.
Op is just a mum doing a favour not a school trip.
I do think op should have spoken to all the parents before the girls.

Because I was part of a conversation between many people who were discussing ways they would have handled it differently.

@IamKlaus and if the emergency meant that OP couldn't do those things (as it has), what was their contingency then?

OP, hi parents, I've had an issue which means I can't get your children back to you, because "I've had a heart attack", I've broken my leg, I've got to leave suddenly due to "the current emergency".

What then?

Oh don't care about those, just bring my child back whatever!

Whataboutery.

Obviously its the parents responsibility to come and get their kid, no matter what. But OP's attitude is appalling. She hasn't even had an emergency, someone else has, and she is choosing to abandon the children she chose to take responsibility for, to go and assume responsibility for some other children.

It's not about whether the kids parents need to go get them (they do), its about OP thinking she has done nothing wrong (she has), and that her two options provided were reasonable (they weren't).

@starfishmummy how was your post different to what OP did?

Whataboutery.

It's not though. OP family member has had an emergency that they need OP help for. The fact is all parents should have a back up plan in case of any emergencies. As you said Obviously its the parents responsibility to come and get their kid, no matter what.
That's the bottom line.

It's not the bottom line because you're missing the point.

The discussion is about whether OP has done anything wrong. She has. You don't seem to understand what we are talking about.

Aren't you the smarmy one? I know your type and have nothing decent to say.

Yeah the OP is in the wrong. But actually it doesn’t matter. Because the parent has ultimate responsibility. The parent needs to factor in bad behaviour from others and needs to be prepared to drop everything and go (or find someone who can). That’s the job.

@SerafinasGoose
Another person's emergency shouldn't have to become my emergency. However, my child is involved, so this makes it mine. Work, caring, other commitments will have to be dropped whilst I go and get them

This is exactly the point though isn't it. The OP has made her emergency into the parent's emergency and imo thats unreasonable of her especially considering* *that we're clearly not talking about the heart attack of an immediate relative - OP had time to post on mumsnet, didn't have to leave until the next day and has now said it concerns the children of a relative. So, sounds like childcare. But the point is she was already in a childcaring role, looking after the group of girls in her care!

Yes, parents should always think about contingency plans and know that they can get to their child if needed. And yes, the accusations of kidnapping are OTT. But the OP asked if she had done anything wrong, to which the answer is yes. She took responsibility for a group of children, the children's parents trusted her to look after them but she then decided to palm them off on someone else unknown to the children and parents so that she could go look after a relative's children instead, presumably because she cares more about relatives children than the ones she agreed to care for. Even if you argue that its the parents responsibility to make sure they can get to their child/drop work/drop other commitments etc, its still bloody inconvenient, could cost them money/time that they can't really afford, cause all sorts of problems and the point is that this isn't what was agreed. The OP agreed to take care of those girls for the week and return them safely home.

The way I see it, the only way she can be forgiven for going back on that promise would be life threatening injury, natural disaster in which they get separated or the sudden or impending death of a very close family member. It doesn't sound like any of these things apply. So yes, she has done something wrong and she is unreasonable in this situation.

"no one else can help with"

no one, including you, you are not available to help with this either, and it doesn't sound like an emergency that actually involved you as such

Not only a parent but a grandparent too!! 😱😱

Managed to get 4 kids to adulthood without any intervention from the police and they’re all very well adjusted (even with the younger 2 having their own challenges) - also supported various other kids with challenges through difficult times and into adulthood, so not sure how that makes me clueless. I know you’ll find it hard to believe but not everything has to be a massive drama and sometimes flexibility goes a long way.

The poster you are replying to seems to be out to insult others who don't completely agree and accuse them of not understanding, while not really answering most of the points made with anything substantial.
I'm sure they'll ironically condescend you soon by implying you "don't understand" the thread.

I agree that the other parent has made this a drama. Have they a right to be annoyed? Probably, they've been inconvenienced even if it can't be helped. Was threatening the police and mentioning kidnap a measured, reasonable response? Absolutely not, sounds like an adult throwing the dummy because they've had to do something unplanned.

I’d have been livid and yes I think you were being very U. There is no way I would expect someone else’s children to do a 2/4 hour journey on public transport at the age of 10. I also would absolutely not be happy to have a 23 yr old plus boyfriend left in charge. The minute you found out about the emergency you should have made a plan for all of the children, either another parent taking over or bringing them back (since it appears that you didn’t leave until the next day, why couldn’t you take them back straight away). In dealing with your own emergency you’ve created many more for other people. I would be willing to bet that most of the other parents have agreed with reluctance/ worry TBH and I’d be surprised if they were happy with this.

*It's not the bottom line because you're missing the point.

The discussion is about whether OP has done anything wrong. She has. You don't seem to understand what we are talking about.*

I'm really not. OP offered options. Parents need to be responsible for their kids. If you don't understand that your child being away with someone, doesn't absolve you of all responsibility, that's your choice as a parent.

OP offered ludicrous options that no-one in their right mind would accept. Of course it doesn't absolve the parents responsibility, but you seem unable to grasp that OP took on a responsibilty as well. Which she completely failed to adhere to.

OBVIOUSLY any parent is ultimately responsible for their own child, but if you take someone elses child, for an hour or a day or a week, YOU are responsible for them. You can't just say tough shit, I am leaving them, won't bring them home, they are not my problem they are yours.

The fact that this needs explaining to parents is as astonishing as it is worrying.

Sure you can. You shouldn’t, it’s shitty. But you can. So the parents need to be prepared in case that happens.

People can and do let you down. Rightly or wrongly. You’re still the parent. It’s still up to you to rescue them.

Maybe you and OP can. Most of us couldn't. Legally, you can't.

@IamKlaus but those weren’t the only options- the parents have the option of going and getting the child themselves. The op is doing them a favour giving their child an opportunity. Sadly it hasn’t worked out and they aren’t happy so THEY need to collect the child THEY are responsible for!

What would these parents have done if their child was ill and wanted to go home? Expect the trip to be cancelled for everyone?!

@IamKlaus or, as I have had happen- everyone is ill including the adults who are then unable to drive everyone home/continue to supervise the children… would they then expect someone else again to do them yet another favour and collect their child?! (This was a guide trip where everyone got ill including the 3 leaders and everyone had to be collected asap)

Ok how about this scenario

your child is at a sleepover at a friends house, say an hours drive away. At 1am you get a phone call - child has been sick. Friends mum is on her own with three other kids asleep in the house so she can’t drop your child off. But you’ve had a few drinks, so you can’t drive either.

who’s problem is that, in your view?

Thanks @ConstableGoody this is exactly what I wanted to reply but I couldn’t be arsed with the hyperbolic rant back! 😂