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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Threatening police, have I done anything wrong?

707 replies

Salemtrust · 04/04/2023 19:20

I've taken Dd and some of her friends(10-12) away for the week. Unfortunately I've had family emergency come up today and am going to have to leave tomorrow to help. Dsd (23) and her bf have offered to come and take over. The girls all seen more than happy with this, they have an event on Thursday which was the whole reason for the trip and want to stay.
I've called the other parents to let them know and one parent was furious and said that they don't want someone else looking after their child and that I need to either stay or bring their child home.
I've said they are welcome to come and get their child (4hour drive) and I'm happy to arrange and pay to send her home on public transport but I can't stay or bring her home so if not she will come home Friday as planned. They are now threatening to call the police saying its kidnap and endangerment and I've changed the terms they agreed to send their child on.
Have I do a anything wrong? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 05/04/2023 09:05

starfishmummy · 05/04/2023 08:48

Clearly not that much of an emergency if the OP isnt leaving until the next day . Definitely gone about it in the wrong way. I'd have contacted the various parents with some alternatives.

I would have said something like 'my dsd and her bf are coming to take over looking after my dd for the rest of the holiday. Friend a's mum is happy for her to stay too, but it's up to you whether you are OK with your dc staying. If not then we need to discuss getting her home'.

That is what OP did though. From the update it appears that 2 friends their families are happy for them to stay. OP though couldn't leave them at the location to take friend 4 home because the dsd wasn't there at that point.

It is a little like OP lives in Birmingham, taken friends up to Manchester for concert on Thursday. OP's grandson rushed into hospital in Newcastle OP's daughter needs OP to look after her granddaughter who is currently at a neighbour's house overnight but cannot stay. OP can't leave her dd and friends alone in Manchester until DSD comes up from London to take over. All places could be entirely different of course.

As I said before I would not have sent my child at that age without being confident that I could not retrieve them if needed. Not sure I would have left her with DSD and BF but I would either collect myself or go and join them up there. I would not be ringing the police on OP who has enough of a family crisis going on.

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 09:12

starfishmummy · 05/04/2023 08:48

Clearly not that much of an emergency if the OP isnt leaving until the next day . Definitely gone about it in the wrong way. I'd have contacted the various parents with some alternatives.

I would have said something like 'my dsd and her bf are coming to take over looking after my dd for the rest of the holiday. Friend a's mum is happy for her to stay too, but it's up to you whether you are OK with your dc staying. If not then we need to discuss getting her home'.

Clearly got massive comprehension issues!

OP has made two posts.

Read them?

MumOf2workOptions · 05/04/2023 09:12

DoIWantThis · 04/04/2023 19:36

If they don't want her to stay they need to collect her

This
Infact I'd pre-empt any trouble and phone the police yourself and log this accusation to make things clear and ask them to go and speak to her!!

Fuckityfuckfuck123 · 05/04/2023 09:13

TBH I'd not want my child to stay with the change in who's around, and taking care of them, however....kidnap? Endangerment? .
Theyre off their fucking rockers. Tell them to arrange collecting their child.
And distance from them in future.

maranella · 05/04/2023 09:14

I think you're being unreasonable to leave - you made a commitment to these girls and their families and should stick to it. And you'd put a 10-12-year-old on public transport alone for a 4-hour journey? Also unreasonable. I have a DC that age and there is no way he'd be safe doing that on his own. They're obviously also being unreasonable to accuse you of kidnap. In other words, you're all being unreasonable, but particularly you.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 05/04/2023 09:14

ConstableGoody · 05/04/2023 07:21

I don’t understand all the people saying what if the parents don’t drive etc… who lets their child go miles away with another family without any means to get them back in an emergency?! It’s madness!

Well exactly. If my child goes away, I make sure I could get there to get him if an emergency arose. This is an em emergency for OP, but what would these parents have done if there was an emergency their end and they needed their child back?

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 05/04/2023 09:17

I am surprised at all of the parents who would ‘never let the OP look after their children again’ like it’s some sort of privilege. I doubt the OP will ever take on such a task in future.

Hahaha exactly.

tinytemper66 · 05/04/2023 09:21

Newusernameaug · 04/04/2023 19:51

Also depends on what the emergency is

One that clearly means she can find the time to post on here.

Stravaig · 05/04/2023 09:25

This entire scenario is batshit. What if there's now an emergency with one or all of the girls? Let's hope SD and boyfriend are up to dealing with it 🤷‍♀️

It sounds like parenting by pandering to tweens, against a backdrop of drama and chaos and rescuing.

Cherryblossomtreesforever · 05/04/2023 09:30

I think all parents have different levels of anxiety.
I'm an extremely anxious parent and would really panic if my daughter had been in this situation at that age. It's just the unspeakable fears that I know are irrational but are still there.

BellePeppa · 05/04/2023 09:31

I think taking a bunch of kids somewhere a four drive away on your own for several days is madness anyway. Added to that an emergency that doesn’t need to be dealt with till the following day, Is this even real?

starfishmummy · 05/04/2023 09:39

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 09:12

Clearly got massive comprehension issues!

OP has made two posts.

Read them?

Show quote history

No need to be so rude.

And I read the one post that was there at rhe time before writing my reply. (Yes I was slow, but had an interruption)

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 09:43

Well if you only read the OP, you've still massively missed the point @starfishmummy

The parents were given the option to either leave the child or come and collect theur child, so why are you telling her what to say, when's she's already said it.

IamKlaus · 05/04/2023 09:47

I can't beleive any parent would think it was appropriate to put a 10 to 12 year old on public transport 4 hours from home, for any reason.
Or that it would be appropriate to send an unknown man to stay overnight with them!

Your notions of appropriate behaviour with other peoples children are off the charts.

Hayliebells · 05/04/2023 09:53

Why couldn't the one child you needs to come home, come home with you OP?

Olios · 05/04/2023 09:56

IamKlaus · 05/04/2023 09:47

I can't beleive any parent would think it was appropriate to put a 10 to 12 year old on public transport 4 hours from home, for any reason.
Or that it would be appropriate to send an unknown man to stay overnight with them!

Your notions of appropriate behaviour with other peoples children are off the charts.

Agree

MattDillonsEyebrows · 05/04/2023 10:11

IamKlaus · 05/04/2023 09:47

I can't beleive any parent would think it was appropriate to put a 10 to 12 year old on public transport 4 hours from home, for any reason.
Or that it would be appropriate to send an unknown man to stay overnight with them!

Your notions of appropriate behaviour with other peoples children are off the charts.

I can’t believe anyone would send their child to a casually arranged trip with a friends parent and
a) not have thought about a way to get them home in an emergency themselves.
And
b) then be cross at the OP because she hadn’t either!!

The notions of entitlement on this thread are off the chart Imo. 🤷🏻‍♀️

IamKlaus · 05/04/2023 10:13

Entitlement? It's entitled to think if you take my child somewhere you will not abandon them to a choice of either going home alone at age TEN or staying overnight with an unknown man?

Are you on glue?

Aturnipforthebooks · 05/04/2023 10:17

So the emergency is that your relative needs help with childcare while she/ one of her children are in hospital?

ArcticSkewer · 05/04/2023 10:21

The word 'emergency' is doing some heavy lifting here!

Your overall judgement and risk/decision making seems impaired.

Itsbytheby · 05/04/2023 10:24

MattDillonsEyebrows · 05/04/2023 10:11

I can’t believe anyone would send their child to a casually arranged trip with a friends parent and
a) not have thought about a way to get them home in an emergency themselves.
And
b) then be cross at the OP because she hadn’t either!!

The notions of entitlement on this thread are off the chart Imo. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Show quote history

Presumably they trusted OP and didn't think she would ditch their children 4 hours away with two (to the parents) strangers are are barely out of their teens.

ThisNameIsNotAvailable · 05/04/2023 10:25

IamKlaus · 05/04/2023 10:13

Entitlement? It's entitled to think if you take my child somewhere you will not abandon them to a choice of either going home alone at age TEN or staying overnight with an unknown man?

Are you on glue?

But that’s not what happened is it?

OP tried to work with them to find a solution, they wouldn’t accept any of them (even though the other parents were understanding and happy with them). The only thing they were happy with was for OP to ignore her own families urgent needs because they weren’t prepared to be flexible in any way.

Sallydimebar · 05/04/2023 10:37

ConstableGoody · 05/04/2023 07:26

Also, 12 years old is high school age- can high school kids really not manage to be put on a train and get off at x stop?! I definitely did! I flew alone at that age.

A article in Liverpool echo yesterday of a 13yr old , sexually assaulted on bus at 5:20pm .

Along with the above Dds friend did a train journey and had some creep next to her , trying to rub her leg . I’m sure there’s many more if you were looking . I would not let a child between 10 and 12 take a long journey on their own . An hour is too long if some creep is on board .
There’s many things I could do safely at 12 but unfortunately we live in a different world now .

PrincessScarlett · 05/04/2023 10:38

Aturnipforthebooks · 05/04/2023 10:17

So the emergency is that your relative needs help with childcare while she/ one of her children are in hospital?

If this is the emergency then I think it's very poor form for OP to dump the girls on someone else and ruin the week for one girl. Presumably if it's a special event all the girls would have tickets for the event. OP should have said to family member that unfortunately she is away and unable to help. She had a responsibility to look after all the girls. Surely there must have been someone else that could have helped family member other than OP.

Mirabai · 05/04/2023 10:43

The answer to could you help out with relative’s childcare was “no sorry I’ve taken a bunch of kids away for the week”. Really poor judgment.

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