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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Threatening police, have I done anything wrong?

707 replies

Salemtrust · 04/04/2023 19:20

I've taken Dd and some of her friends(10-12) away for the week. Unfortunately I've had family emergency come up today and am going to have to leave tomorrow to help. Dsd (23) and her bf have offered to come and take over. The girls all seen more than happy with this, they have an event on Thursday which was the whole reason for the trip and want to stay.
I've called the other parents to let them know and one parent was furious and said that they don't want someone else looking after their child and that I need to either stay or bring their child home.
I've said they are welcome to come and get their child (4hour drive) and I'm happy to arrange and pay to send her home on public transport but I can't stay or bring her home so if not she will come home Friday as planned. They are now threatening to call the police saying its kidnap and endangerment and I've changed the terms they agreed to send their child on.
Have I do a anything wrong? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
MrsDoylesDoily · 04/04/2023 22:55

Kedece2410 · 04/04/2023 22:41

And yet another thread where the OP posts something that any reasonable person knows is unreasonable bit doesn't come back

Thread coming to DM or similar soon or am I just overly suspicious

Yep

Clicky McClickbait

gkhg · 04/04/2023 22:55

NoodleNuts · 04/04/2023 19:47

What if the other parents can't drive - or can't afford petrol for a 4 hour trip? OP took them away, OP is responsible for bringing them back.

The child is going to be brought back...

Ohwonderful · 04/04/2023 23:00

I dont think I'd have been keen for my 10 - 12 year old child to be away for a week with someone that isn't family or very very close friends in the first place.
Aside from that, I assume the emergency you are dealing with is not I'm the same town or city as the parents? Otherwise surely you would take the child home?
Unfortunately OP I think the sensible option would have been to disappoint the kids, returnt them home and deal with the emergency.

TellerTuesday · 04/04/2023 23:06

Of course the police & kidnap part is OTT but emergencies do happen so..... presuming this situation actually happened and my child was one of those in your care I would offer to come & take over from you as I would presume that the other parents (providing they all know each other of course) would be happy with that and the group then wouldn't miss out.

Absolutely would not be happy with your DSD & her boyfriend taking over.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 04/04/2023 23:09

How can the vote be 50/50? The comments are mostly YABU.

TorchwoodWho · 04/04/2023 23:13

YANBU, the one parent sounds like a loon.
All the other parents are happy apart from this one (who as others have said, sounds unhinged due to police threats and mentioning kidnap), so no need to spoil the trip for the kids of the non-dramatic parents. It is unfortunate this one parent will likely end up ruining it for their child with their behaviour, but you've given them plenty of options. I would assume if they were genuinely worried about kidnap, they'd get off their backside and collect their child, or accept the offer of getting them home on public transport.

Verbena17 · 04/04/2023 23:20

I think you’re being unreasonable - in expecting the other parents not to be annoyed/worried.
If they don’t know your DD and Bf then, no, I wouldn’t be happy.
I would also be unhappy for you to put my 10-12 yr old child on public transport alone.

However, if the parents are that bothered, they would just come and collect.
Think emergency situations should maybe have been discussed prior to trip.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 04/04/2023 23:29

It can't be an emergency if you're not leaving until tomorrow
I think you could've taken the child back tonight
I wouldn't be happy knowing a DD was left with 23 year olds she didn't know

herlightmaterials · 04/04/2023 23:31

Did you offer to drive them back tonight?

Stravaig · 04/04/2023 23:32

I think the emergency, the alternative plans, and the talk of police are all secondary. The core issue is that when something unforeseen happened you agreed a plan with 10-12 year olds first; SD and boyfriend second; and then announced it as a done deal to the other parents third. That's where it all went wrong, and where you were entirely unreasonable.

DaaamnYoullDo · 04/04/2023 23:38

You've had a family emergency. I wouldn't want my child in the care of a 23yo and her boyfriend who I don't know, so I would come get them. It's not like you've decided to out on the lash instead.

Rosula · 04/04/2023 23:44

They can hardly claim kidnap when you're happy for them to collect their child. Confirm that to them by text or email so you have a record of it.

Rosula · 04/04/2023 23:47

dogsdogsdogs1 · 04/04/2023 19:47

You're in the wrong here. Maybe the other parents don't drive or can't afford or collect their daughter. The agreement was that YOU would be there to look after their DD. Not another random adult that they don't know. You either need to take the girl home or stay there yourself. You have not abided by the terms of your agreement. In a court of law, you would be in the wrong here.

You don't actually know the law, do you? That's patently obvious.

FrillyGoatFluff · 04/04/2023 23:47

Laughing at the amount of people saying they'd be ok with the public transport option.

Can't you imagine a thread 'AIBU to send my ten year old four hours on public transport on their own?' The poster would get eaten alive (and rightly so)

Their reaction is OTT with regards to calling the police, but you are being unfair with your actions too. You can't seriously be suggesting popping them off home on their own, and a sister and her BF aren't the responsible parents that have been promised.

Rosula · 04/04/2023 23:48

NoodleNuts · 04/04/2023 19:47

What if the other parents can't drive - or can't afford petrol for a 4 hour trip? OP took them away, OP is responsible for bringing them back.

OP's offered to pay.for the kid to go back.

Rosula · 04/04/2023 23:53

maddening · 04/04/2023 20:02

What is your family emergency?

Why can't you take that child home prior to managing your family emergency?

Maybe the emergency requires travel in the opposite direction?

Rosula · 04/04/2023 23:55

Can't you imagine a thread 'AIBU to send my ten year old four hours on public transport on their own?' The poster would get eaten alive (and rightly so)

Just as well it's not a 4 hour journey, then, isn't it? And why do you assume this child is 10?

JudgeRudy · 04/04/2023 23:55

I don't know the circumstances of your emergency but can't think of anything you've legally done wrong. The parents entrusted their children to you and you're no longer able to care for them. Shit happens. You've I formed them of your alternative offer ie they stay with your step daughter or they bring her home. Assuming your step daughter isnt a fellon, drug abuser or sex offender etc, I'd say that was a reasonable substitution!
How kind of your step daughter. I'm sure this was not her plan for Easter!

I feel so sorry for the kid. How awkward

maddening · 05/04/2023 00:03

Rosula · 04/04/2023 23:53

Maybe the emergency requires travel in the opposite direction?

Show quote history

It is still a fair question. Perhaps many things.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 05/04/2023 00:06

How many children are there? If it’s more than three, OP must have a big car.

herlightmaterials · 05/04/2023 00:08

I can't help but feel that if it was a real emergency the op would have specified what it is.

Socrateswasrightaboutvoting · 05/04/2023 00:08

EsmeSusanOgg · 04/04/2023 19:46

But OP has offered the cover the costs of safe public transport back. Or for the parents to collect their child. I understand that this is far from ideal, but OP has let everyone know. Has a contingency plan and is happy to cover costs to reunite children.

I'm assuming this is a mega emergency.

Show quote history

Given the OPs judgement on letting her DD and a random man take over looking after them, I would question her judgement on what is safe.

SD1978 · 05/04/2023 00:13

You are responsible Le for these kids, not a random 20 year old. You've decided that their safety is less important than the family event. Are you planning on going back? Are you the one taking them to the event? How long are you leaving the 23 yr old and her utterly u known boyfriend in charge of a bunch of young girls? Sorry, I would be pissed off. If this family thing is that important that you have to leave, the kids should all be take home first. I don't blame them for being shitty that there only PPE toon is to drive 8 hours or accept a kid of 10-12 to be dumped on public transport.

Socrateswasrightaboutvoting · 05/04/2023 00:22

Mumsnet is funny, on one thread its we deserve, penis free spaces for women in the next its ok for a random male to sleep over with unknown 10 and 12 year olds. Absolutely bonkers!

FlipFlopBattle · 05/04/2023 00:25

CherieBabySpliffUp · 04/04/2023 23:09

How can the vote be 50/50? The comments are mostly YABU.

Because it's a confusing vote - as many people have mentioned, there are two different unreasonable behaviours:

  1. OP took on a duty of care for other children, and then in the unfortunate event of an emergency, rather than offering to honour that responsibility by bringing the children home early, instead appears to have told the parents that she and the kids have already agreed that they're all happy with shifting her responsibility to a random 23-year-old couple. The other two options eventually offered also include a sudden shift of that agreed responsibility: to the child to get themselves home alone, or back to their parents early, topped off with a long unexpected drive to collect them.
  1. One parent then went OTT by threatening police action and kidnapping charges - although their point about changing the agreed terms is valid.

Personally I would have jumped in my car to collect, but been extremely pissed off at the way it was handled, and wouldn't be trusting OP with my kid again. The OTT parent may not have been able to collect their child tonight though, and the rant a knee-jerk mix of anger and concern, in response to plans for their daughter's care being changed before they were even consulted.