Can't sleep - child let themself out yesterday evening

[Cheapcookies]

Can't sleep from the sheer stress of the what ifs.

Last night I took my dog for a walk. DH was with DD (nearly 4). He rang me at 8pm in bits saying she'd let herself out.

She had got out of bed, come downstairs, opened the front door and gone out in to the street and was stood on the corner. A neighbour was going to the shops and waited in his car before realising we weren't with her and her shoes weren't on, so brought her home. 2 houses distance away.

I can't stop thinking about the what ifs.
DH said he didn't hear the door going, he was on the phone. She said she wanted me and knew I was outside on a walk.

I went to speak to the neighbour and have thanked him profusely. He said his eldest did the same thing once.

For some reason I've convinced myself that ss will be called.

I've ordered a security chain that we can put high up on the door. I feel like the world's worst parent. She is safe, nothing happened other than mum and dad having the fright of their absolute lives. But I'm really struggling to process this.

Hope the chain is installed later and Houdini is contained 😂 You will also feel better after a good nights sleep!

Honestly the lack of sleep is not good. I'm in the first trimester of pregnancy so feel incredibly sick anyway and last night had additional stress sickness to contend with. Kids have no idea the worry they can cause!

My scare, baby just learned to walk (about a year old), she was asleep in the car seat coming back from shopping I lifted her out and laid her down in her cot, still asleep. Went back to the car to get the shopping leaving the front door open so I could carry the shopping in, got out the bags of shopping, turned around and child was standing at the top of the steps to the front door (about four brick steps) smiling at me. Dropped the shopping and ran to grab child. I had no idea she could climb out of the cot, she had only just started to walk! And it had literally been maybe a minute since I'd laid her down apparently sleeping. Bungalow so no steps to navigate to get to the front door.

Trouble is they are always a bit smarter than you think they are, keeping one step ahead is difficult.

I feel like the world's worst parent.

You’re not! If anyone is, it’s your DH. He was the one supposedly keeping HIS daughter safe.

I remember a few years ago I was on holiday in Cornwall and was in an amusement arcade and a little boy of about 2 or 3 approached me and asked me to ''help me find my mummy''. I took him round the arcade asking him ''what colour hair does mummy have? Was she wearing trousers or a dress?'' I then took him towards the main desk to put a message out, to find his mum standing there. I explained I was helping him find her. Most people would be beside themselves and thank me, but she displayed no emotion whatsoever!!! I didn't judge her for losing him, though I don't have kids I understand these things happen especially in a place like an amusement arcade where there are lots of exciting noises and lights. I did however judge her (silently) for not displaying any emotion when he turned up or for not thanking me for helping him.

I'd do it again though, of course I would.

I've had similar happen.
First child when I was 22. He was around 2 and in nappies.
I went to the toilet for a quick wee and when I came back to the living room, the front door was open and he was gone.
He was only wearing a nappy and a vest and had managed to get a step, reach the door handle and turn the keys that were in the lock on the inside.

I was frantic and ran to the end of the street where some elderly man was walking up and down carrying him, in the dark as it was winter.

Why not just lock the door?

Isn't that any lock if you've put the key out of reach?

What's the point of this awful judgey response?

She already feels awful and blames herself, nothing happened to her daughter, it was 11 years ago and she shared the story to try to make someone else feel better about a similar event.

Maybe you're that rare parent who never had a scare or never made a mistake, if so, congrats, but no need to be horrible to others.

Why not just lock the door?

Please rtft or my posts at least. She turned the key and opened it which I had no idea she could do.

Same! DD is 2, I wouldn't get anything done if I had to bring her to each room. She'd just escape anyway if I bought her in the bathroom with me.

Mine escaped twice when she was still in nappies,the first time was very similar to what happened with your DD.We were in the garden,I went into the house to grab some wet wipes and she managed to open the back gate.
When I ran out to the lane behind our house she was about twenty yards away,holding hands with an elderly guy I'd never seen before.

The second time she escaped she managed to open the front door and cross the road before being found by our neighbour's daughter.

My neighbour brought my kid back to me once and I hadn’t even realised she was gone. I answered the door all cheerily and he said “I believe this is your daughter?” 🙃 She was just-3. Had put on her wellies, pushed a stool to the key hook, taken the key and unlocked the door and gone for a wander. Neighbour found her in his garden, picking his daffodils. I’d been in the shower and she HAD been engrossed in Peppa Pig so I’d just left her on the sofa. I still don’t know how long she was gone for, but it could have been up to 15 minutes!! I cried on and off for about 3 days thinking of how she could have been killed by a car, abducted, etc etc but we installed a lock with a code and had a chat with her, and we’ve not had a scare since.

Our normally very sensible 3 year old one 'escaped' once. I'd only left him for a moment. Trouble is, there were so many ways he could have gone that while we and neighbours were drastically searching for him, he was getting further and further away.
it took 15 minutes to find him. He was found half a mile away, with our little dog at his heels, heading for the swings. To get there, he had to have crossed a busy road on a blind bend.

That was nearly forty years ago, and it still fills me with absolute horror when I think what might have happened.

@Forgooodnesssakenow

The kitchen and patio were divided by a huge sliding glass door, which was open.

I went to the kitchen (and could see right out to the patio) to fill a pasta pot with water, and put it on the heat. At that point I was "with her" due to the layout of the place. I then went to the toilet which was on the same floor.

So - the only time she was unsupervised was when to pee (with the door open).

All of that to say it happened with austounding speed from her side.

She never did anything else with austonding speed mind!

Mine do EVERYTHING with astounding speed so maybe that's it, I expect them to abscond 😂

OP, we’ve all had “what ifs” (my worst one was when my young daughter fell into a pool on holiday when I thought my husband was watching her & he thought I was. No splash, nothing, but luckily she got herself out). I wanted to come home immediately, & beat myself up over it for ages, but I gradually realised that “what ifs” serve us well as a lesson we didn’t know we needed. No harm done, & life now much safer for everyone afterwards, so “job done”. Please give yourself a break on this - any parent who tells you that they has got their kids to adulthood without “what ifs” is totally lying!!!

My eldest was 3 when she got our the back garden gate and in to neighbours gate and in to their kitchen.
i was frantically searching and even when I knocked on their door they had no idea she was in their kitchen eating their cookies 🤣🙈

I’ve also got one that happened to me. My toddler twins still shared our room, in our tiny terraced house with steep stairs, and their cots ran along side our bed. Twin twos cot was at the end. We were downstairs with a friend chatting and playing with the kids. Then we realised one was missing. Couldn’t be upstairs as the gate was shut, not the cellar (omg!) because the door was shut and bolted, back door locked. Where the fuck was he? Raced upstairs just in case, no sign, checked the attic, nope. Frantic at this point. Then I walked past our bedroom and saw the blanket move. Childless mate had forgotten to close the gate, Thing 2 had gone upstairs, pulling gate behind him, onto our high bed, down into his cot and pulled the covers over his head.

When my son was 2 he ran away in a shop. It was a big m and s which opened onto a mall. He was beside me while I looked on a rack and he ran. He was laughing his head off and I could hear him and hear him running, but I could not see him. Then I could not hear him anymore. I was so freaked out, calling and searching. He got right out into the mall. I had a wee pile of clothes with me and ran out with them. A lady was standing with him holding his hand. Probably lasted minutes but felt like forever and the what ifs tortured me.

A couple of years back I woke up to our doorbell ringing - it was 3am / I thought I had dreamed it and then the bell rang again - DH went downstairs, opened door to find neighbour from across road 4 year old DS outside !

We had to ring neighbours in end to wake them to tell them their son was with us .

Get a digital smart lock.

I'm intrigued! What did the kid say when you answered the door to him?!

SnuggleBuggleBoo he basically said "Would you like to come & play " - when I mentioned it was nighttime /need to wait for parents (we were friendly with the family) he basically said he wasn't tired and that they were asleep.

We did go over and knock on their door/ring doorbell but they didn't answer - we went home with said 4 year old and rang the Dads mobile - he answered eventually and we kinda announced that their son was with us- cue him telling us not to be daft it was 3am etc. They obviously went and checked his room and then hurriedly came across to retrieve son.

My DD used to sleep walk and I was scared she would let herself out in the night so we bought these door alarms which make a really loud noise when you open the door. We have them on all of the external doors for peace of mind.