Page 2 | Can't sleep - child let themself out yesterday evening

Cheapcookies · 2023-04-04T02:50:16+00:00

Can't sleep from the sheer stress of the what ifs. Last night I took my dog for a walk. DH was with DD (nearly 4). He rang me at 8pm in bits saying she'd let herself out. She had got out of bed, come downstairs, opened the front door and gone out in to the street and was stood on the corner. A neighbour was going to the shops and waited in his car before realising we weren't with her and her shoes weren't on, so brought her home. 2 houses distance away. I can't stop thinking about the what ifs. DH said he didn't hear the door going, he was on the phone. She said she wanted me and knew I was outside on a walk. I went to speak to the neighbour and have thanked him profusely. He said his eldest did the same thing once. For some reason I've convinced myself that ss will be called. I've ordered a security chain that we can put high up on the door. I feel like the world's worst parent. She is safe, nothing happened other than mum and dad having the fright of their absolute lives. But I'm really struggling to process this.

Oceanrudeness · 04/04/2023 05:52

BakedTattie · 04/04/2023 05:34

honestly, don’t worry. When I was 4 I escaped and walked all the way to the local shop. I lived in a small village and the owner called my mum to collect me. My mum had no idea I was away 😂

these things happen. You can’t watch them 24/8, despite what people say - it’s literally
not possible.

try not to think about it. One day you’ll laugh about it, I promise you.

I did the same! In fact, in my case I actually told my mum I was going to the shop but she didn't believe me haha

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/04/2023 05:56

Suzi888 · 04/04/2023 04:28

“Really? Mine absolutely couldn't be left unsupervised, my eldest would have literally climbed the curtain but even my 20 months old daughter who is largely sensible and can play independently for short periods needs checked every 2 minutes or shes standing on the footstood taking dives off it. Do other people's under 2s not constantly endanger themselves? Also there's a difference between another room and in the garden.”

Yes, really. It’s pretty hard to believe your kids receive 24 /7 security detail.

Can posters please try to understand that children are different from each other?

I once went to the loo and found mine trying to break out of the house. She would also suddenly and without warning just sprint off, towards traffic, towards animals, towards cliffs. Utterly fearless.

And yes, she needed 24/7 security. And reins, and constant supervision.

Be happy if you have a biddable child.

sashh · 04/04/2023 06:07

OP

The what ifs didn't happen.

Your child did something that wasn't sensible from an adult point of view but to a child is perfectly logical.

I once went into my back yard (in the days I lived in a house with a yard) and saw my next door neighbour's little boy standing on the windowsill of the open bedroom window.

Fortunately he was a chatty child and I managed to get him talking in a loud voice till dad realised there was something happening and came upstairs to grab him.

You never know what they can do until they do it.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/04/2023 06:07

It happens in most families. You need to move on; don't let it dominate your thoughts.

JMSA · 04/04/2023 06:10

Och, she's fine. Time to stop fixating on it and give yourself a break.

Morningcoffeeview · 04/04/2023 06:15

I live very remotely and thought my DS, 2 was following me into the house once. He wasn’t and I realised he was gone. Found him crouched between a wall and a hedge at the top of the drive - he had been trying to get in with the sheep next door and hadn’t been successful, I think he’d got worried and so wasn’t responding to my shouting.

Its horrendous OP. But it happens; you’ve ordered a chain so there won’t be a repeat.

Fucket · 04/04/2023 06:15

This is why I kept all the doors locked, just in case one made a bolt for freedom out onto the main road. They can’t get out if you leave your keys high up on a key hook or similar place.

Albiboba · 04/04/2023 06:18

@Forgooodnesssakenow My toddler comes with me at that age.
Really? You bring a 2 year old from room to room with you every time you need to do something? I don’t know anyone who does that.

Albiboba · 04/04/2023 06:20

It’s very scary OP, but there’s no point focusing on what ifs. Just keep the door locked/ put the chain on to stop it happening again.

When my sibling was about 4/5 they were sleep walking and climbed out of a 1st floor window, down the porch and walked down the street in the night!

sandgrown · 04/04/2023 06:28

When my children were young we ran a hotel . We had a back yard which had a small hole in the fence to let the cat get out . I took DS to his playgroup which was about a 5 minute walk . DD was around 20 months old . I left her with DH . I was walking home along the back alley when I saw a lady holding DD , who was in pyjamas and barefoot . DD had got out of the back door and crawled through the cat’s hole and decided to go for a walk. So grateful she was spotted before she made it to the main road though the alley was constantly used by delivery drivers. Don’t beat yourself up. These things happen.

Ohhmydays · 04/04/2023 06:31

Suzi888 · 04/04/2023 04:28

“Really? Mine absolutely couldn't be left unsupervised, my eldest would have literally climbed the curtain but even my 20 months old daughter who is largely sensible and can play independently for short periods needs checked every 2 minutes or shes standing on the footstood taking dives off it. Do other people's under 2s not constantly endanger themselves? Also there's a difference between another room and in the garden.”

Yes, really. It’s pretty hard to believe your kids receive 24 /7 security detail.

If it didn’t leave my toddler in a different room for 5mins my house would be a shit hole an no one would get fed.

greenacrylicpaint · 04/04/2023 06:33

you can't change the past. so stop dwelling on it. (I know, easier said than done)

luckily nothing happened and your lovely dc is fine.

you now know that she can open the door herself and you need to ensure that she can't easily do it.

you and dh need to speak to her (gently) that it is not ok to leave the house without getting permission from an adult.

BHRK · 04/04/2023 06:38

This happened to us too - twice.
Don’t beat yourself up. Your DD is safe.
The what ifs are horrible but it’s also true that the vast, vast majority of people who found a child on the street would return them home or call the police.
Obviously the greater risk is the traffic but she is safe and you’re taking measures to stop it happening again

MegaClutterSlut · 04/04/2023 06:41

If it makes you feel better, in the 80s my brother aged two in the 80s managed to get out the front door whilst my parents were sleeping and was found running down the motor way! He stood on a bucket to reach the handle. Luckily a kind lady grabbed him and took him to hospital for a check over.

My parents felt awful, he never tried opening the door before hand. Needless to say since that happened they had several security locks/chains put on the door

Spidey66 · 04/04/2023 06:42

I remember my sister aged about 2 or 3, so early 70s, went missing. Me and my brothers were old enough to play out as was common back then, but that must be how she got out. All the neighbours were out looking and the police were called. They arrived at the same time a neighbour found her sitting in the churchyard round the corner, happily picking daisies, unaware of the drama unfolding in the next street.

It's become one of those stories thats gone down in family history.

TheaBrandt · 04/04/2023 06:43

My toddler ran off in a library was hellish. Only time it had happened I was frantic. Unfortunately the adults who found her were two absolute bitches who berated me in a self righteous way. Honestly I’ve frequently helped parents in that scenario would never even occur to me to respond like that. 🙄

Forgooodnesssakenow · 04/04/2023 06:46

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/04/2023 05:56

Can posters please try to understand that children are different from each other?

I once went to the loo and found mine trying to break out of the house. She would also suddenly and without warning just sprint off, towards traffic, towards animals, towards cliffs. Utterly fearless.

And yes, she needed 24/7 security. And reins, and constant supervision.

Be happy if you have a biddable child.

Show quote history

This is literally what I was saying, my eldest I couldn't be 2 feet from, it's a victory my youngest can be left in a room and checked every 2 mins but definitely couldn't be unsupervised for more than that. I'm hoping it won't be long because she's so much more chill and sensible than my eldest whose physical capabilities developed way earlier than his sense of danger.

Emanresu9 · 04/04/2023 06:47

Forgooodnesssakenow · 04/04/2023 04:16

You had a 2 yr old and left them alone in the garden while putting on food and going to the toilet? Is this a common thing people do? My toddler comes with me at that age. Or did you potty train later and they were 3/4?

Show quote history

Perfectly common. I go to the loo or to a different room to put food on without my toddler often. If they’re happy playing it’s fine to do that. If you helicopter parent and literally won’t be apart even for a quick wee you will cause all sorts of separation anxiety!

Forgooodnesssakenow · 04/04/2023 06:48

Emanresu9 · 04/04/2023 06:47

Perfectly common. I go to the loo or to a different room to put food on without my toddler often. If they’re happy playing it’s fine to do that. If you helicopter parent and literally won’t be apart even for a quick wee you will cause all sorts of separation anxiety!

Show quote history

No separation anxiety here, just kids being kept safe as much as possible

BCBird · 04/04/2023 06:50

It must be awful,that heart in your mouth moment. This should be very fleeting but unfortunately it has stayed with u. The stress is awful for u . The thing to remember is the door was shut,you were not negligent. Please remember that. Now she has proved how curious she is,you know to make measures, which u are doing. Be kind to yiuselves

custardbear · 04/04/2023 06:51

My children were so bloody eager to get mobile (both crawling at 5 months) we got a child lock on our front door. We live on a main road. Don't blame yourself, just learn from it and get ahead of the crazy smalls with no common sense of danger yet ... mine are 14&11 ... still have the child lock!

Mindymomo · 04/04/2023 06:51

You will feel bad for a while, as a parent we cannot be there every single minute. I lost my 3 year old in a huge shop in Florida, my 5 year old played with a ball in the kitchen and set it alight when it touched the turned off hob. I’m sure you’ve had words with DD about not opening door to go out and getting a high up chain is a good idea.

Tworingstorulethemall · 04/04/2023 07:00

They're little devils. Mine got out as well, we saw a little blond head bobbing past the window. We live next to a railway crossing when we moved in we put a fence up!

Polgara (paraphrasing): 'if I sometimes seem a little hysterical it's due to spending several thousand years trying to prevent small boys from killing themselves.'

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 04/04/2023 07:02

I found a small kid once who had done this, it happens. Probably a lot more then people realise. The fact you got a chain for the door to prevent it happening again shows what a good parent you are.

Figaroo · 04/04/2023 07:06

Urgh the what ifs are awful!

Once DS sprinted out a door into a car park. There was a lorry reversing right outside the door. I still have nightmare thoughts about what if he had gone out that door a few seconds later.

I think my reaction scared him so much that he won’t do anything like that again!