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Original poster

Can't sleep - child let themself out yesterday evening

206 replies

Cheapcookies · 04/04/2023 03:50

Can't sleep from the sheer stress of the what ifs.

Last night I took my dog for a walk. DH was with DD (nearly 4). He rang me at 8pm in bits saying she'd let herself out.

She had got out of bed, come downstairs, opened the front door and gone out in to the street and was stood on the corner. A neighbour was going to the shops and waited in his car before realising we weren't with her and her shoes weren't on, so brought her home. 2 houses distance away.

I can't stop thinking about the what ifs.
DH said he didn't hear the door going, he was on the phone. She said she wanted me and knew I was outside on a walk.

I went to speak to the neighbour and have thanked him profusely. He said his eldest did the same thing once.

For some reason I've convinced myself that ss will be called.

I've ordered a security chain that we can put high up on the door. I feel like the world's worst parent. She is safe, nothing happened other than mum and dad having the fright of their absolute lives. But I'm really struggling to process this.

OP posts:
lightlypoached · 04/04/2023 07:06

We've all had those incidents.

I found a child once, we were driving on the south circular (very busy london main road) when we saw a toddler standing next to the road by a play park. DH pulled up, I jumped out and grabbed him. Took him to the play park where his mum and friend clocked me (there were in a bench chatting and looking at their phones). The look of horror on their faces when they realised.

I handed him over. Could have been a very different story.

Found a 2 year old on the Thames tow path and called the police as the parent was nowhere to be seen. They'd not even noticed that the child was missing. We had to give a statement to the police as they were concerned. Turns out the dad was a good 15 minute jog away before he noticed, and did a super fast jog back, retracing his steps. He found before the police got to us. The mother was absolutely fuming apparently. I had to do an ID check over the phone with the police before I was allowed to hand the child back. The police were not impressed at all.

Another found wandering outside a shop.

Toddlers are slippery little devils.

LuvSmallDogs · 04/04/2023 07:07

Ah mate, no way will your neighbour call SS, there was no harm done and he's been there himself, after all!

I used to go to toddler group with a lovely, caring mum who had her kid let herself out the front gate and wander to a busy road while mum gardened round the back.

Years ago I went into the garden of my old house to deliver snacks to the kids, only to see a neighbour open my gate, plonk my middle son down, and walk off!

Antiquiteas · 04/04/2023 07:12

Forgooodnesssakenow · 04/04/2023 04:16

You had a 2 yr old and left them alone in the garden while putting on food and going to the toilet? Is this a common thing people do? My toddler comes with me at that age. Or did you potty train later and they were 3/4?

Show quote history

FFS.

gogohmm · 04/04/2023 07:19

@Libmama

I did too generally, though I had an open plan living kitchen dining area and we were mostly on one level (had a basement and garden was shared so not left alone) I let dd1 play in her bedroom dd2 in living room and I cooked - you have to get on with day to day jobs and I worked on top (from home, no childcare)

gogohmm · 04/04/2023 07:23

Anyway by 18 months they had toddler beds and could wander into my room at night, which they did without fail, usually before i even got to sleep!

Okaaaay · 04/04/2023 07:27

Really scary OP and it will take some time to get over. My brother did the same (sleep walking). Walked 500m across a road and up to his friends house to touch his door and walk back. It’s a family legend now but horrifying at the time. You’ve taken the steps to stop it happening again and your DD is safe. Can’t see any reason why SS would be called. This could have happened to many of us who don’t routinely lock doors.

Thisismeyeah · 04/04/2023 07:30

We encountered a simular scenario with our DS, he is a climber and opened the front door and let the dog and himself out in a matter of seconds. Only for a short space of time but it took ages for me to process it, the what ifs, ours was all on CCTV too, so I watched that over and over, it was horrible. We brought a door chain same as you we also always lock the porch with the key when possible. The best thing we got was a door chime from Amazon. Its just a magnetic thing you stick on the door with the tape included the porch now makes a lound gong when it is opened. We all now associate the noise with the door the dog included who barks now. It's definitely the best investment, as I'm sure DS would undo the chain easily if he realised it held the door shut, Its also good for deliveries as it gongs when they leave parcels too

Glitteratitar · 04/04/2023 07:32

Forgooodnesssakenow · 04/04/2023 04:16

You had a 2 yr old and left them alone in the garden while putting on food and going to the toilet? Is this a common thing people do? My toddler comes with me at that age. Or did you potty train later and they were 3/4?

Show quote history

There’s always one!

Original poster
Cheapcookies · 04/04/2023 07:39

Thank you all so much for your replies. It is helpful to know I'm not alone I this. I managed a few hours at about 4am.

I have also chilled about the SS thing now, I don't know why our neighbour would ring them, he knows us and he knows we are good, loving parents. He is one of the neighbours we talk to more than just a polite hello and is very nice.

I have had a sit down chat with DD this morning (in the best way she can understand) about the dangers of being outside without an adult and told her she must absolutely never do it again.

Door chain will be fitted tonight. I may also look in to one of those door alarms. I am wondering if there's one you can turn off at certain hours as our dog would end up barking at it if it became a precursor to somebody walking in & out every single time (when DH goes to work).

OP posts:
WonderingWanda · 04/04/2023 07:42

Mine did that aged 4 as well, went to look for me. Was also prone to running off in crowds. I used to write my phone number on her arm because she refused to wear the bracelet I bought with my number on.

schnubbins · 04/04/2023 07:43

I had bells on the door and still have them even though my are kids grown up now.

My two year old let himself out out his seat, pulled the handbrake on the car and sailed off down the road at the wheel of the car , the car mounted a pavement and smashed into a wall. He was not hurt but that scene has replayed through y mind over and over again down the years

That and a whole list of other crazy things that he did .He is now a loving sensible and hard working 23 year old but could not be left alone for 5 mins as a child.

Original poster
Cheapcookies · 04/04/2023 07:46

schnubbins omg! Kids really put you through your paces, don't they. I'm sure we've all had a few years taken off us due to stress. Glad he was OK when that happened.

OP posts:
YourUserNameMustBeAtLeast3Characters · 04/04/2023 07:47

I’m surprised it doesn’t happen more often. Front doors in my current and last house (original doors in pretty new houses) don’t have a key to open from the inside, just a snib. Great from a fire safety perspective, less so from a toddler perspective. And an inventive toddler can get a stool to reach the chain (although at least you have more time to hear and react).

A Ring doorbell might give you an extra alert, to be absolutely sure for the future?

NewLifter · 04/04/2023 07:49

Ah what a scary event for you. It just shows that you have good neighbours, your dd was in fact safe. I work with complex families and I only heard of something like this getting referred to SS once, but it was because the mother shouted at the neighbour who returned the child and didn't appear to think him escaping was an issue. The neighbour then rang the police who rang SS. All they did was call out and recommend a 2nd lock go on the door, that was that.

I would be shocked if your neighbour contacted SS as they know it was a one off and know that you were upset at DD slipping out. So don't be worrying about that aspect.

You are clearly a great mum, don't be hard on yourself over this Flowers

YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 04/04/2023 07:49

Granddaughter (aged 3) did it a few months back.

Big family dinner round my parents house. We said we'd go for a walk after we cleared up which granddaughter was excited about.

Some of the family were in the sitting room and some were in the kitchen washing up. Granddaughter kept running through the dining room between the two rooms. The hall leads off the dining room.

All of a sudden my dog started barking and ran into the kitchen in a panic. I followed him to see what was wrong and granddaughter had opened the front door and was walking off up the street. She just shrugged and said she was ready to go for a walk now!

My mother has started turning the key in the door now, just in case.

Angelil · 04/04/2023 07:49

Sympathies. Some kids do this. There is a museum local to us, across the road from the daycare our son attended age 0-4 and as it’s so local to us, we go there often with our son and he knows the area well (after 3.5 years of walking to/from crèche every day he could probably walk home by himself with no trouble…he has a very good sense of direction unfortunately.). With all this in mind, said 4yo had the chutzpah one day to make a break from the museum cloakroom while my husband was putting his coat on and by the time he got out there, our son had CROSSED THE ROAD…a busy thoroughfare with two crossings to get all the way across (and there were two of these such crossings…one with a button to push for the green man and one with nothing). A man intercepted him on the other side of the street and brought him back to my husband. Poor DH was beside himself and dreaded telling me. Believe me, we went through ALL the what ifs.

mynameiscalypso · 04/04/2023 07:52

I'm another one who escaped as a toddler - it's actually one of my first memories. I was about 2.5 and my mum was ill a lot so was lying down and I decided that I wanted to go to see my dad at work. I remember dragging a chair from the kitchen so I could undo the chain and being so certain that I'd be able to navigate the walk to the station and be able to catch a train to his office. A neighbour found me wandering down the road. No last damage although we got a nanny pretty soon afterwards which may have been connected!

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 04/04/2023 07:55

My what if, that as a parent makes my blood run cold, is that as a 3 year old, with measles, in quarantine on a ship, let myself out of the infirmary, (very poorly supervised) walked across the ship, along the deck, down stairs to find my mum’s cabin. It was always told as a funny story, but bloody hell!

loulouljh · 04/04/2023 07:56

I recall seeing a toddler one summer evening running naked along a pavement in a busy town! Cars screeched to a halt...he had escaped from a house there. These things happen but utterly terrifying for you...

Tanith · 04/04/2023 07:56

This is so common for children of this age!

DH was once washing the car and noticed the little girl waiting at the bus stop, who looked very familiar!!
I'm sure the bus driver would never have let her on the bus, but DD(4) had it all planned out for a shopping expedition in the town centre. She even had 20p spending money with her Grin

GingerAle1 · 04/04/2023 07:58

How did she unlock the door?

it might be that the locks need to be higher up, or the latch. We have a chain but ironically it's quite fiddly, so a higher lock mechanism is better.

alarms are a pain, but IMHO if you have a chain high enough, that should sort it. I'm just really crap at using ours.

RoseThornside · 04/04/2023 07:59

When I was 2 my mum left the front door open and found me a while later sitting in the gutter on the edge of the north circular (so actually in the road).

Angelil · 04/04/2023 08:01

My sister also escaped from me and my dad on a campsite when she was 2. My mum used to say she was like a wind-up toy!! Dad and I looked everywhere for her and found her in a tent with another family happily playing with a jigsaw 🤷‍♀️ 😂

MintJulia · 04/04/2023 08:02

OP, most parents can tell you at least one horror story.

My DS made a bid for freedom through the catflap at 14 months. And he let himself out and walked up the road at 4. I'm no Mary Poppins but I'm not a bad mum. I just had an escape artist for a son.

OP, put it down to experience and accept that your ds is a pretty independent and determined child. Nothing wrong with that at all. 🙂

Frogdoglog · 04/04/2023 08:02

If it makes you feel better my friends 2yo managed to get out the front door after a visitor didn’t shut it properly behind them, and my friend didn’t notice her dd was gone until she she was brought back by a passing police man having been spotted wandering in the road. The policeman did ask how it had happened and have a little nosy around but nothing else ever came of it!

And we used to have a dog that could open doors and once opened the front door and let toddler DS out while I was cooking dinner. I did notice almost immediately but he had still made it out the drive way and was in the street in the pouring rain having the time of his life paddling in puddles, wearing nothing but a vest and carrying a raw potato in each hand. The dog must have realised his mistake as was diligently supervising ds. I ruined the fun by bringing them back in and really hoped that no one had been looking out their windows at that moment 😬