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Original poster

Can't sleep - child let themself out yesterday evening

206 replies

Cheapcookies · 04/04/2023 03:50

Can't sleep from the sheer stress of the what ifs.

Last night I took my dog for a walk. DH was with DD (nearly 4). He rang me at 8pm in bits saying she'd let herself out.

She had got out of bed, come downstairs, opened the front door and gone out in to the street and was stood on the corner. A neighbour was going to the shops and waited in his car before realising we weren't with her and her shoes weren't on, so brought her home. 2 houses distance away.

I can't stop thinking about the what ifs.
DH said he didn't hear the door going, he was on the phone. She said she wanted me and knew I was outside on a walk.

I went to speak to the neighbour and have thanked him profusely. He said his eldest did the same thing once.

For some reason I've convinced myself that ss will be called.

I've ordered a security chain that we can put high up on the door. I feel like the world's worst parent. She is safe, nothing happened other than mum and dad having the fright of their absolute lives. But I'm really struggling to process this.

OP posts:
LividNC · 04/04/2023 08:03

I have one of these stories.

I can’t even bear to write it down, almost like putting it in words would make it more of a possibility, even though it was over a year ago.

If it helps, I hadn’t really thought about it for a while until I read your post and the feelings of terror flooded back. You’re okay.

Raindropsonuebells · 04/04/2023 08:03

We have a bolt on the top of the door as well as a chain … I now have teens .. one of them was prone to trying to escape .. also suggest upstairs windows are locked too 🤦🏻‍♀️

you’ve just learnt yours has the gumption to do this - so just take the opportunity to have a good look about for any other risk factors . Not all kids do this - I have one of each

MintJulia · 04/04/2023 08:04

@Frogdoglog It's lovely to know there are other households like ours 🤗

Hardbackwriter · 04/04/2023 08:07

If it makes you feel any better: we have had to start locking the door from the inside as of last weekend. I was making lunch in the kitchen while my two year old played in the living room - I then heard the front door close (I hadn't heard it open!) and found him standing in the hall saying 'got wet socks mummy'. I think he just went a couple of steps out onto the driveway but that's hardly the point! With DC1 it was during COVID when I was trying to work from home with no childcare and was on a zoom call when I saw him wandering up the garden path through the window - I literally screamed and ran so my colleagues all thought my house was on fire.

NotHangingAround · 04/04/2023 08:08

You don't get through parenthood without some heart-stopping near misses. They will happen. Mine still bring me out in a cold sweat nearly twenty years later - one for each of my children! Forgive yourself. Be glad you live in a neighbourhood with kind, good neighbours.

She's old enough to be told that what she did is very dangerous and she must never ever do it again. If she wants you and you're out, she needs to find daddy or her babysitter and tell them. Give her a clear instruction on what to do instead.

Tumbleweed101 · 04/04/2023 08:09

Happened with my two eldest. I was at work, their dad was supposedly looking after them. They were 4 and 2yo. They escaped the house in just underwear to go to the park at the end of the cul-de-sac (about three houses away). A stranger found them and called the police. Luckily my eldest was able to show them his house.

Social services did visit but were obviously happy enough with everything put in place to prevent a reoccurrence.

Their dad and I split a long time back now but I'm pretty sure this one of the moments a bit of trust was taken away.

The children concerned are now in their 20's!

Calculater · 04/04/2023 08:10

I "rescued" a neighbours toddler who had done this once and my BIL's sister was once found sitting on a central reservation after letting herself out at 3yo. The what ifs don't bear thinking about, but don't beat yourselves up, they're crafty buggers and it happens more than you realise.

I once "lost" DS1 and was convinced he wasn't in the house. The little so and so was on top of his wardrobe!

DonnaRix · 04/04/2023 08:11

Oh we had a near miss with this. Only my adorable youngest was nearly 5 at the time and had plotted an escape to meet her pal.

Thankfully my husband heard her creeping down the stairs at 5am. I was miserable about the what-ifs for days,
so I understand.

We put a childlock on the door. We also spoke to her teacher who had a general chat with the class about it. Natural consequences - she was mortified and promised never to do it again.

i still worry she’ll take a notion again though.

user1471538283 · 04/04/2023 08:14

It is so scary at that age although I think most children have done something. You just feel sick and upset.

Apparently when I was 3 I legged it and my DF got the military police out to find me. My DS opened the kitchen door and legged it so I put a bolt on it up very high so he couldn't get out. He also pedalled away twice and again, with the kindness of strangers he was stopped.

At 4 she might be receptive to your talking to her about what could have happened (that she may get lost) and what she can do if she ever is. This was the way I stopped my DS (as well as the bolt!).

gabsdot45 · 04/04/2023 08:16

When my husband was 4 he cycled, on his little fixed wheel bike from his house to his nanny's house. About 4 miles. And back again without going into his nanny's.
He must have been missing for house. His poor mother. She had no car or phone or anyway of finding him.
But there was no harm done in the end.
My what if was one time dh and I were driving to the same place in different cars. He had DS with him. When we got there the gate was locked so he pulled in and got out to unlock the gate and I pulled in behind him. We were on a busy road and next thing DS, who was only 4 or 5 got out of the car and walked around the front of my car on to the road to come to me.
I froze. I tried to open the door, beep the horn anything. I remember turning on the wipers. I shouted at but DH but he didn't hear me. I finally managed to get the car door open and was able to grab him. It was seconds but it felt like an eternity. So scary. Even now, 15 years later it still haunts me.
Anyway. Your DD is fine and it's probably not the last thing she'll do in her life to scare you.

Goodadvice1980 · 04/04/2023 08:16

My cousin went walkabout late one night in his jimmy-jams after being told no more X-box. Passing taxi driver picked up him!

Little cherub was collected from taxi driver’s house where his elderly mother was making hot chocolate and fussing over the nocturnal escapee. He was so lucky a kind genuine person stopped to help him that night.

redspottedmug · 04/04/2023 08:17

You need something in addition to a door chain that the person leaving the house can instigate?

Otherwise it will be a faff for the person staying at home to pull the chain across and have to answer the door every time.

Original poster
Cheapcookies · 04/04/2023 08:17

A Ring doorbell might give you an extra alert, to be absolutely sure for the future?

I have been thinking about getting one of these so now might be the time. Do they let you know when there is movement out front or if the door has been opened?

OP posts:
Phillipa12 · 04/04/2023 08:18

My brother at 3 years old escaped the garden (bolt across top of gate, he had pulled a chair over so he could reach it whilst mum was changing a nappy). She had no idea he wasn't in the garden because of said high bolt. Next thing the front door bell goes and there is my brother holding hands with a young man (we lived on an army base, young man was in full combat gear with a rifle). My brother wanted to speak to the army chaps and then took him home to show mum. He's now in his 40s and the gate was padlocked after that incident.
2 of my children have decided to take the dog for a walk whilst I was togging up their siblings, luckily dog refused to move after 50m so they had not got far. These things do happen and you will be surprised that it has happened to quite a lot of people, even ones who are really vigilant.

Original poster
Cheapcookies · 04/04/2023 08:19

GingerAle1 she turned the key and used the handle. It's a PVC door which are typically pretty crap for bolts, deadlocks, latches etc.
But I'll be installing the chain up high and getting some sort of door alarm. Key will obviously be taken out moving forward.

OP posts:
asundayphilosopher · 04/04/2023 08:19

MN is usually so 'stranger danger'. Never let anyone talk to your children. It is comforting to see how many adults including men saved these children. As one poster put it, she will always be grateful to the kindness of strangers. It takes a village and all that.

redspottedmug · 04/04/2023 08:21

Ring doorbells have various alert settings, so yea you can have it chiming on your phone every time a bird flies in front on the camera! Get it hard wired if possible as batteries are a faff and might run out at the crucial moment.

Calculater · 04/04/2023 08:21

Cheapcookies · 04/04/2023 08:19

GingerAle1 she turned the key and used the handle. It's a PVC door which are typically pretty crap for bolts, deadlocks, latches etc.
But I'll be installing the chain up high and getting some sort of door alarm. Key will obviously be taken out moving forward.

Don't leave the key in the door. We got burgled like this also locked out because you can't use another key from the other side

I now keep the door properly locked and keep the key on a hook above it for fire safety

dogsdogsdogs1 · 04/04/2023 08:22

Keep the door locked and put a hook up high on the wall next to it where you put your keys. Cheap fix.

And don't let it stress you. These things happen.

Original poster
Cheapcookies · 04/04/2023 08:24

You need something in addition to a door chain that the person leaving the house can instigate?

It is infrequent that we go in and out to be honest so it's not too much faff for the one of us that is home, but no harm in an extra step. Do you know of anything that would work? We have a PVC door if that helps.

OP posts:
Timeisallwehave · 04/04/2023 08:24

I think it takes one of these moments for you to realise. Unfortunately you had an extreme one. Most people come to find their kids sticking their heads out of an open front door and then realise oh, better make sure they can’t access that (at bed time or when unsupervised etc etc).

Calculater · 04/04/2023 08:28

Cheapcookies · 04/04/2023 08:24

You need something in addition to a door chain that the person leaving the house can instigate?

It is infrequent that we go in and out to be honest so it's not too much faff for the one of us that is home, but no harm in an extra step. Do you know of anything that would work? We have a PVC door if that helps.

Why is your so difficult to lock? A PVC door should be secure when "double" locked, otherwise you have other security problems too. Just keep it locked and keys out of reach .

ZeroFuchsGiven · 04/04/2023 08:29

You cant change the past you can just move forward.

My eldest ds is 26 now but when he was around 7 I got a knock on the door at 1.30am, it was a neighbour from 4 doors up, holding ds barefoot in his pjs! He had sleep walked into her house and was stood at the bottom of her stairs shouting 'mum, ive had a nightmare'. He was oblivious to where he was. The whole thing was utterly surreal.

Cherryblossomtreesforever · 04/04/2023 08:31

As regards "what if" stories. mine will make you feel better.

I was pregnant with my first much wanted baby back in 1999.
I was working at a nursing home at the time.
There was a horrendous stomach bug sweeping the Home - more than an average sickness bug. Staff were dropping like flies along with the residents.
I was in the early weeks of my pregnancy. Two other young women who were also in early pregnancy had gone off work to avoid it.
I went to see the manager and begged him to let me do the same (I was young and stupid).
He told me that if I went off I would lose my job. "Who is supposed to care for the residents with 75% of the staff off sick?"
I know that I should have been assertive enough to stand up to him - to protect my baby - but as I say I was young and stupid.

Needless to say I was struck down with the sickness.
My first scan revealed my baby was small for dates.
23 years later he has the mind of a baby and has never spoken a word in his life.

tillylula · 04/04/2023 08:32

When I was a kid, i had neighbour freinds who used to come and play at my house all the time. One time my mum and I went out to the shop, and when we came back, we found one of my freinds toddler siblings in our house. She had snuck in and we didn't realise! My mum took her back home and her dad was asleep on the sofa. I think he was just glad she was locked in our house instead of wondering around the estate.

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