Can't sleep - child let themself out yesterday evening

[Cheapcookies]

Can't sleep from the sheer stress of the what ifs.

Last night I took my dog for a walk. DH was with DD (nearly 4). He rang me at 8pm in bits saying she'd let herself out.

She had got out of bed, come downstairs, opened the front door and gone out in to the street and was stood on the corner. A neighbour was going to the shops and waited in his car before realising we weren't with her and her shoes weren't on, so brought her home. 2 houses distance away.

I can't stop thinking about the what ifs.
DH said he didn't hear the door going, he was on the phone. She said she wanted me and knew I was outside on a walk.

I went to speak to the neighbour and have thanked him profusely. He said his eldest did the same thing once.

For some reason I've convinced myself that ss will be called.

I've ordered a security chain that we can put high up on the door. I feel like the world's worst parent. She is safe, nothing happened other than mum and dad having the fright of their absolute lives. But I'm really struggling to process this.

Yeah she's literally never shown any signs of opening the door at all so it's really struck us quite hard. Luckily when I've looked at in in perspective this morning, it was daylight and the neighbours were still about, I was about 30 seconds from coming home and finding her myself. When I spoke to her this morning she said she planned to wait there for me so she wasn't going any further - that doesn't make it OK but it takes away a small amount of stress for me that she wasn't going to go further than the 6m or so that she went.

I have told her about the dangers of being outside without an adult (I was honest with her) and that she must never ever do it again.

She has been told if mummy or daddy is ever not home she MUST go to the adult that is with her and ask them to ring mummy/daddy if she wants us. I will have to reiterate that to one of the grandparents, who means well, but if babysitting will say "no you don't need mummy, let's do this instead..." I know she's trying to give us 'time off' but I keep telling her, if my child wants to ring me, they can ring me and come first always.

I was recently playing hide and seek with my 2 year old DS. He took a while to come and find me and it had gone quiet, I couldn't find him.... he had managed to carry his little ride on motorbike all the way up the stairs. It really shook me for a while thinking what if? I don't play hide and seek any more! Kids are so unpredictable, but this has made me more aware of locking my door as you just never know.

We live and learn i guess, your DD is safe. You will start to forget about it over time, but all we can do is learn from our mistakes

You're traumatised and that makes complete sense. It can come from the smallest incidences such as a trip which your brain then goes 'what if?' each time you see the ground.

Change the lock, we have that lock you can unlock from inside but if my daughter were any younger I'd be changing it, making her getting out impossible, which would alleviate some of the stress.

If husband didn't lock the door he needs speaking to so he never does that again.

As a teenager, I went with my friend to pick up my little brother from the childminders. On the way home, we saw one of the minder’s children in the middle of a main road!! We took him back but the childminder didn’t seem all that fussed! Plus she hasn’t even noticed he’d gone!! 😱 I mean, things happen but this woman was being PAID to look after OTHER PEOPLE’S children.

I doubt there’s a parent alive who’s not had one of these moments where it could’ve all gone so horribly wrong. It’s a standard part of parenting and it can give you the chills even years later.

The shock will wear off in a few days and you won’t dwell on it so much.

One of mine did it, he was 2 nearly 3 and going through a nudist phase. With only his red wellies to protect his dignity he climbed over a fence and left through neighbours gate, my gate was locked. Teenagers down the road brought him back, he'd got about 5 houses away. I'd popped into the kitchen to do something knowing the gate was locked and the garden was fenced. I never figured out how he managed to climb over a wooden fence that was taller than him and he didn't even get a splinter. Shocking moment when I opened the door.

Yeas later it is just a funny story but it is very upsetting at the time.

Mine is a reverse. It could have gone so wonderfully right. 😢

No, no this is Mumsnet

24/8 is the expectation 😅

In the dim and distant past, when schools weren’t like Fort Knox, we had a 9 year old girl who hid at lunch time then went out of school unnoticed. We were only made aware when the landlord of the pub down the road phoned school to say she was sat in his bar! Me and the Head walked down to collect her - she was sitting in a bar stool with a bag of crisps and a coke having the time of her life!
when her mum came to pick her up at home time, she was told what had happened with many apologies from the Head. Mum turned to her DD told her off, gave her a slap across the legs and made the DD apologise to her!
oh how times have changed 😂😂

My mil once got the Knock

'Did you know your baby is on the roof of the porch'

Bil had climbed out of the window on to the porch

Mil later became a health visitor! It happens. You learn and move on.

The window one is my worst nightmare!! What did you even do in that situation? I wouldn't want to take my eye off her in case she fell out but at the same time I'd want to rush up the stairs and grab her back in! 😩

Cherryblossomtreesforever Oh I am so sorry 😭

Plus you would want to stay very calm so that the child didn’t panic and fall off!!

💐

I voted YANBU because I wasn’t really sure what the voting was for - but you’re not a bad parent and SS won’t be called. My eldest did this once too, took herself off on a jolly up the street thinking she was going to her aunts house (aunt lived in another country!). She’s safe and there was no harm done but maybe get a Yale latch thing for the top of the door that she can’t reach? That’s what I ended up doing because I couldn’t sleep for days afterwards either!

My toddler got out of the house when I was preparing lunch one day . It was a hot day and he was in just a nappy. A lady walking down the road brought him back because he was barefoot and was able to point to where mummy was. I was utterly horrified. I had an alarm fitted to the door after that because he was able to open baby gates. I had left him in the next room, mere feet away, sitting on the floor playing with his cars. He's 12 now. If I had a pound for every parent who has gone through something like this. Try not to dwell, you'll drive yourself mad

After my son escaped just in his nappy and was brought home by the 12 year old girl from up the road, I put windchimes up at the front door so that they chime noisily every time the door is opened.

After all these years I'm used to the chimes and would miss them.....

Please don't beat yourself up about it. My 3 year old did the same, we live some way off the road, so it wasn't near cars, but I saw him trundling off with his little doll's buggy. Store it as a family story to tell him later and just be glad all was well and you fixed the problem with the chain.

You had a 2 yr old and left them alone in the garden while putting on food and going to the toilet?
This was 10 years ago. Give over making the PP feel guilty 🙄

I went to the loo once - quickly! - and when I came out I heard silence, looked around briefly and just sensed it. My toddler twins had gone out of the front door, across my next door neighbour’s garden and into the offshoot street. They were in vests and nappies, one had wellies on, one barefoot. They were outside a house that another set of twins live in getting their scooters that they left out front.

The feeling was indescribable and I couldn’t shake it for a while, I just felt so guilty but my husband calmed me down. He’s not someone to dwell on things that didn’t happen whereas I am a worrier. Even now when I think of it it panics me, I used the chain from then on and my kids put it on when we get in automatically. Talk it out with someone you trust and let yourself feel how you feel, as so many people have shared here these things happen and it is so unpredictable but nothing bad happened. Take comfort in the fact your neighbours watch out for you too. Be kind to yourself here.

I hope you got some sleep OP.

I had a what if moment when DS was about 10 months old.

I was in the kitchen. Our old house had a patio door from the kitchen to the garden. This was open as it was a summer's day.

The door to the kitchen from the hallway was also open.

DS crawled out of the kitchen into the hallway and then turned around.

A gust of wind from the garden swept through the house and caused the hallway/kitchen door to slam shut, just as he had reached the door. It was probably an inch from his head as it closed.

It was an awful shock and I, too, thought I was the worst parent in the world for letting it happen.

But then I realised that I could learn from this and took it as a positive that the worst had not happened and I could take steps to ensure it never it. I went out and bought a heavy door stopper for that door and we never had an issue again.

So take this as an opportunity to improve your door security and please stop beating yourself up about it.

These things happen and it's terrifying. When my now 7 year-old was about 3 we were in the small park next to the house with his younger brother who was still a baby. All of a sudden he just legged it and despite me running after him he vanished. I had to make the decision to put the baby in his cot and lock the house so I could go out searching.

Luckily my husband was on his way home and found our eldest casually making his way home so picked him up and brought him back.

Like you there were many what ifs, we live by a river, could he have got that far and fallen in, he could have got hit by a car, taken by someone. There was nothing I could have done to prevent it either short of keeping him on reins in a park. I worried for ages after but he never did it again. I think the stern talking to about running off did the trick.

It's so scary but try not to blame yourself. It's happened to us our 2yo has gone out the front door twice, one time a neighbour brought him back as I was upstairs 😟 she shouted up your little boy was knocking on my door!! The other time I was in the kitchen came through to front room and both the almost 2 and almost 4 yo were playing in the front garden. Safe to say we have never left the door unlocked since!!
My 4yo never ever did that as a toddler so didn't expect the 2yo to do it . It was an accident, thank god nothing bad happened

I woke up at 7am, whilst on holiday in Portugal, to two year old DS missing from the hotel room 😧 He had managed to open the (heavy) front door of the room (which was locked but apparently when the handle is turned it unlocks itself! 😳) and escaped, just wearing his nappy, up the hall and into the lift area. Thank God, another tourist staying there heard him crying and was with him when we rushed out and found him. I can’t even explain the fear pounding through my body at that time…
We changed the sleeping arrangements after that and put a chair in front of the door!!

Don’t be too hard on yourself. I don’t think there’s a parent on earth who hasn’t had a scary moment with their child.

When ds was about 3, we were in town and I was standing in a busy shop waiting to pay for something at a checkout, we was by my side. I was carrying things to pay for and wasn’t holding his hand in the moment. Next second I looked down and he was gone. I about died a thousand deaths, nothing can explain the terror of that moment or how slowly the next few moments went by. I dropped everything I was carrying and started shrieking his name. Thankfully he had just toddled off to look at something that had caught his eye and my terror was over in maybe 5 seconds when he reappeared, and I probably looked like a crazed loon, but those seconds were the longest of my life and stayed with me. I was bombarded by unwanted and intrusive thoughts of all the ‘what ifs’ for a good few weeks afterwards - all horrendous thoughts of abduction and worse. Thankfully those thoughts did go away after a while. I also bought some reins, and actually doing something that would prevent a scenario like that happening again helped a lot.

He’s a strapping older teen now, and I still worry about him in different ways. You never stop worrying about your kids safety, it changes as they get older and at times can be more intense when you are no longer with them providing safety for them and with them at all times, but the instinct to protect never leaves you.