Can't sleep - child let themself out yesterday evening

[Cheapcookies]

Can't sleep from the sheer stress of the what ifs.

Last night I took my dog for a walk. DH was with DD (nearly 4). He rang me at 8pm in bits saying she'd let herself out.

She had got out of bed, come downstairs, opened the front door and gone out in to the street and was stood on the corner. A neighbour was going to the shops and waited in his car before realising we weren't with her and her shoes weren't on, so brought her home. 2 houses distance away.

I can't stop thinking about the what ifs.
DH said he didn't hear the door going, he was on the phone. She said she wanted me and knew I was outside on a walk.

I went to speak to the neighbour and have thanked him profusely. He said his eldest did the same thing once.

For some reason I've convinced myself that ss will be called.

I've ordered a security chain that we can put high up on the door. I feel like the world's worst parent. She is safe, nothing happened other than mum and dad having the fright of their absolute lives. But I'm really struggling to process this.

Don´t be so hard on yourself. I did this to my mother. I was asleep and she was on the veranda watering the plants. I got up, opened the front door, went down 3 floors and she saw at a distance this little girl and thought she looked like me, and then, wham it is her! She ran for her life after me, I was walking up to the main road. Luckily a passer by stopped me and asked me where my mother was and we turned round and she was running and frantically waving...She got a chain for the door. My daughter opened the front door because she heard someone on the communal landing. I got a chain. Normal kid behaviour. Put in solutions to stop her and move on.

Learning curve. Every parent has something like this such as lost in the supermarket, baby rolls off the bed, sacks their head walking past the coffee table, grabs hot food off you plate, trips over the washing basket, accidentally say a swear word whiskey driving and then repeat the word profusely and won't stop, cut their own hair using the scissors you forgot to put away, undoes their own seatbelt in the back of the car, calls emergency services from the home phone without your knowledge, literally so many preventable things kids get themselves into and you can't blame yourself in this situation. It happened you have taken the relevant steps to stop this happening again. Thankfully no harm done but it down to something that happened and move on

So many parents have a story like this.

One morning we were first in the playground - apart from a little girl about your DD's age being looked after in the cafe. She'd gotten up before everyone else, gotten herself dressed, found the key to the door and taken herself off for a play.

Her poor mother was beside herself when she arrived, we live by the sea and I'm sure she was thinking all sorts. Little girl was absolutely fine, and none of the adults anywhere thought ill of the parents. It was maybe 4 years ago now and DH and I still occasionally wonder if she's been allowed out of her tower since

Remember, when a child gets out, they are overwhelmingly more likely to meet a kind, responsible stranger than an evil one, and far more likely to avoid traffic than to walk in front of a car that can't stop. We know the horrific cases because they're rare enough to be newsworthy, and those parents were tragically unlucky.

Be careful of plans to secure the door - you need to be able to open it quickly in a fire.

My little boy left the house by himself WHILE SLEEP WALKING! Thankfully we heard the door and bolted after him. He walked out of the house and was about to go up next doors drive.. we brought him in and he went back upstairs and lay down on the landing.
Dh and i were completely freaked out!!!

You drag your poor child away from whatever they are doing ? There really is no need at all. Your poor child needs to learn to be alone for a few moments.

Oh OP, I feel for you. My niece and nephew (2 and 4) have both mastered the front door of their house and, whilst haven't done exactly what your DD did, one has opened it in a tantrum and run out (busy road) and one has gone to open it when the doorbells gone and my DSis was on the loo! Likewise when going out they’ve both thrown the door open and dived outside. You’re not alone.

When they’ve come to stay at mine I now have to make sure the door is locked and the key is out of reach. Because they have done what your DD did at my house. My nephew got upset, wanted to go home and tried to sneak out.

I feel like Ring Doorbells send of a sound from the inside too? Like whenever the door is opened full stop? Would that be a possible option too? Just in case one day you forget the chain?

My mother was late picking me up from infant school once. As she wasnt there I walked home by myself (over a mile, one end of village to the other). I was wearing a pink knitted hat. My mother arrived at the school to find me gone, then saw a car with a man and a child in a pink knitted hat and thought I had been abducted........She was never late again. This was a very long time ago obviously.

When DS was 6 he got up at 5 am, let himself out, walked round the crescent to a neighbours pond and was fishing for tadpoles. I never knew anything until he told me years later. Kids do these things. It's no good ruminating on what May have happened. It didn't and she's fine. You have put things in place so it doesn't happen again. Let it go.

It happens OP. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Age nearly 4, I got up very early one morning, put my shoes on, unlocked the front door and went for a walk. Very rural area. I was found over a mile away and returned home by a local farmer who recognised me.

Now my daughter is that age, I keep my door keys on a nail above the door, where I can only just reach them 😂

I found a toddle on petrol station forecourt once. I took her into the shop where her mum was paying. Mum said she's left her asleep in the car! These things happen.

I’d pop out to the hardware store and buy a bolt today. I wouldn’t wait for a chain to be delivered. Also a great idea of a PP to put a key hook high up above the door.

My 3 year old once let himself out and went to the ice cream van asking for an ice cream. I learnt to bolt the door after that 😁

I really appreciate you sharing your stories. I feel like a normal parent again!

Dustybarn we have prime, it'll be here by dinner

You poor thing OP. Look at the replies here - overwhelming empathy as everyone has some experience of a similar situation.

You are definitely not a bad parent.

My extended family came to our new house once for lunch. The adults were in the kitchen chatting and the children (mix of ages) were in the front room and upstairs playing. Adults wandered in and out and all seemed to be well then my sister asked where her DS 4 was and panic set in.

He had opened the front door (we didn't realise it could be opened) and gone out for a wander then got completely confused. I live in an estate facing a green - surrounded on each side rows of identical houses - and he lives in the countryside. He had gone onto the green like he would at home (but it is their own garden at home) then gotten completely confused trying to find the house.

He was recovered and all was well but I had serious guilts about the door, we fixed it the next day.

Don't get a chain get a deadbolt. You can pick them up from anywhere even Wilkos. Put it up high and it won't happen again.

Hahaha, that's the cutest!

What if's will drive you mad! I was also an escape artist I hope DS does not inherit my traits.

The high up lock is a good idea. SS will not get called. Kids do this sort of stuff.

I think most kids did this at least once. My BIL, when he was maybe 6, woke up at 6AM, saw the snow outside, decided to leave quietly to play in the snow while family was asleep. They didn't realise he left until he pressed buzzer to let him back in 😬

We’ve all been there. I might pm you mine!

enforce the rule and an alarm for the front door is a good one

mine was a Houdini! We laugh about it now but oh my god he was obsessed with door and locks from about 18 months -

I struggle with this. My 4 year old can also open the door by himself, but I'm not keen to put a chain on for fire reasons. I don't know what the solution is. What I've done for now is take the key out of the door and put it on the side at his head height. He can reach it in an emergency, but it's not in the lock as a visual invitation.

This is the best ever!!

Oh yeah, our doors have a little ding dong that goes off when opened.

hard to pick which of my "oh god where the fuck is she?" stories to pick tbh. It was only one of my dc. always the same one. she mastered the window locks we fitted to stop her climbing out.......

I was once in M and S and as I walked past a rack of trousers, they rattled! I bent down and crouched underneath was a boy from my dd's nursery school. I pulled him out and finally found his mum via a security guard - she'd turned round to look at something, he'd undone the pushchair buckle and shot off before she'd noticed- he'd either taken the lift or gone down the escalator as she was on the floor above, frantically looking for him. I know she was on mumsnet and that he's a strapping boy now...