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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Philip Schofield: As far as I am concerned, I no longer have a brother."

522 replies

DancingWithMashedPotato · 03/04/2023 17:38

Philip Schofield's brother had now been convicted of sexual abuse with a young boy over a 3 yr period. Horrendous crime. Philip Schofield has now stated "As far as I am concerned, I no longer have a brother.""

Now, it's completely up to Philip how he responds to his brother in what must be a v v stressful time. I cast no judgement whatsoever, and his life in the public eye adds so many new dimensions for him that must be hard to handle.

However, his comments about no longer having a brother really cut deep and made me wonder how I'd react

I adore my siblings and I think (though obviously things might be different if it actually happened) that I couldn't bring myself to disown or abandon my brother's no matter what they did. I can imagine some very limited events which might lead to me not speaking to them for a bit, perhaps a v long time. But I think by and large, no matter what they did, however bad, while there are some things I couldn't forgive and maybe could never understand, I don't think I could disown them. AIBU?

What are your views? Are there some things you absolutely would disown your family for? Are there some generally agreed limits for what a person can tolerate from a family member before they are disowned. Is child abuse the line? Murder?

OP posts:
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defi · 03/04/2023 18:31

He knew what his brother had done and didn't disown him. Now that it's public knowledge, he changes his tune.

^^ agreed I think it's damage control

Hellno45 · 03/04/2023 18:31

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I thought exactly the same thing. They are 2 peas in pod.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 03/04/2023 18:31

I wouldn't speak to anyone who decides to hurt a child. Family or not. (And have done so).

Chooksnroses · 03/04/2023 18:31

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What on earth do you mean?

Godwhatswrongwithme · 03/04/2023 18:33

@Chooksnroses Oh come on

YetiTeri · 03/04/2023 18:33

defi · 03/04/2023 18:31

He knew what his brother had done and didn't disown him. Now that it's public knowledge, he changes his tune.

^^ agreed I think it's damage control

Or maybe he has advisors who tell him that he cannot make a public statement on a live court case as THAT IS AGAINST THE LAW.

Have a go at PS for anything else but you can't have a go for that.

Leavingtoday · 03/04/2023 18:33

Someone I know slept with school girls as a teacher. Convicted and sent to prison. His sister and family all stood by him. They were teachers too. I still cannot believe it to this day.

Iwasfeelingepic · 03/04/2023 18:33

Tomkirkman · 03/04/2023 18:26

You would sit in the house of a violent rapist passing the time of day?

I don’t understand that at all.

I have huge trauma from my childhood. I don’t abuse people. Plenty of people have trauma and don’t abuse people. Your past trauma is not an excuse for raping women and/or children. And no, I can not get my head around anyone thinking ‘yes I can see how you life experiences led you to think you had a right to abuse people’.

That is condoning it. You are saying they didn’t have a choice. They absolutely did. Then raping a child isn’t something that happen TO them. It’s something they did.

I agree people are not all bad. But no amount of good can overcome the ‘bad’ caused when they raped someone.

Comparing your job, to your personal life is extremely odd imo. There’s people at work I socialise with at work that I wouldn’t in my private life.

Show quote history

Agree with everything you said & you said it much better than me.
So sorry you have been so much

Cece92 · 03/04/2023 18:33

I would 100% disown a family member if they were a paedo, pervert, rapist or an abuser. I wouldn't think twice about it. I have a DD so I'd want to protect her and other children/people out there. Even if I had a son I'd disown them. Makes me sick to my stomach. X

JaneJeffer · 03/04/2023 18:33

The fact that he gave a statement about the confession tells me he is on the side of good.
Only after the brother was reported by his victim. PS wouldn't have done anything otherwise.

Prescottdanni123 · 03/04/2023 18:34

@defi
He was giving evidence against his brother.

LlynTegid · 03/04/2023 18:35

I would feel the same way about a brother or other family member had they committed the same crime.

Aaaaandbreathe · 03/04/2023 18:36

I easily would disown a family member for this.

They have traumatised and abused an innocent. I couldn't care less if they had problems they needed help with...did they care about the problems they were causing their victim?? Abuse ruins peoples lives, the effects last throughout a life time. I believe myself to be a very empathetic person but no way would I still 'be there' for a disgusting predator.

So I agree with what Philip has said - issue is he's only doing it to save his own image. He didn't give a shit about the victim when he found out 2 years ago.

I already couldn't stand him and this has solidified it.

Trinity65 · 03/04/2023 18:38

BluebellBlueballs · 03/04/2023 18:10

Not quite the same level but my brother was convicted for a DV incident. Flame away but I haven't disowned him. I absolutely think he deserved to be convicted and all he lost as a result.

As a DV Survivor I get this, completely

He has presumably done his time and it sounds like he lost everything.
I don't blame you for sticking with Him.

Notmyfirstusername · 03/04/2023 18:38

The decision to disown a family member is a personal one, and not one I’d feel comfortable commenting on until it happened to me.
The problem PS has is that he cannot go down the usual route of saying his brother claimed innocence and it was only after hearing the evidence that he found it was true and that caused his change of heart . That’s a line of thought that I think people could understand if not quite believe with his particular history.
he’s had 2 years to come to terms with his brother’s offending and his brother’s only defence is that the abuse was shorter than the victim said- no defence at all really. If he wanted to disown he would have done so well before this got to court .

FancyFanny · 03/04/2023 18:39

He has no choice if he wants any chance of salvaging his career!

WannabeMarieKondo · 03/04/2023 18:39

DancingWithMashedPotato · 03/04/2023 18:13

I'm not a journo!! It's just I was talking about siblings and when the poster mentioned their son it made me think of my own son(s) and that just felt intense. I hadn't thought about how I'd feel if my son did something horrendous. Hence the wow. I think I'd struggle to disown my son. Maybe more than my siblings. It's horrible thinking of that situation. Thankfully (so far) my children are wonderful little people.

Show quote history

What if one son had abused another sibling ?

Thisgroupneverceasestoamazeme · 03/04/2023 18:40

I have also worked with abusers and am able to form relationships with them in a work capacity OP. I also have a lot of empathy and can view them through a trauma informed lense. I have a distant relative by marriage who is in prison for serious sexual abuse against children as well as child pornography charges. They have been cut off by some family members and not by others who have chosen to believe that it’s all a big misunderstanding. We have cut them off. They are predatory and we have young kids.

For me it is entirely different when it is in a work/personal capacity. There is a different emotional connection and I have a specific job of work in my professional life which requires building a relationship and seeing the ‘human’ in people. At the same time i would have no expectations that their victims or their family, who they have a close personal relationship with, are able to do the same.

VeronicaTimeTurner · 03/04/2023 18:40

idontlikementhols · 03/04/2023 18:29

I'm not sure PS will be back on This Morning. He's tainted now with something no one would want to be associated with.

I bet he will smarmy little git. He covered up for his brother because they're cut from the same cloth. It will all get swept under the carpet like before and they'll twist it round so poor little Phil is the victim. He makes me sick.

Emotionalsupportviper · 03/04/2023 18:41

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That went through my mind.

IncompleteSenten · 03/04/2023 18:41

I would absolutely walk away from a child abuser.
Without hesitation.
Without regret.
Anything less than that is condoning their actions imo.

Aaaaandbreathe · 03/04/2023 18:42

Leavingtoday · 03/04/2023 18:33

Someone I know slept with school girls as a teacher. Convicted and sent to prison. His sister and family all stood by him. They were teachers too. I still cannot believe it to this day.

Awful.

You just know he'll have told them they were throwing themselves at him when he was having a hard time, they were mature for their ages, he's been punished enough etc. Disgusting.

stinkfaceison · 03/04/2023 18:43

LlynTegid · 03/04/2023 18:35

I would feel the same way about a brother or other family member had they committed the same crime.

But until it happens you won't know .Your first reaction will be deep shock . The next reaction will be denial. Until you hear a confession out of their own mouth you won't believe it . As for disowning them it would depend on the relationship between you the victim and the offender .

Baabaa75 · 03/04/2023 18:43

I haven't spoken to a brother in 10 years for beating up his gf, defrauding our parents and a few other choice things 🤷

UndertheCedartree · 03/04/2023 18:44

This happened to my partner. He disowned his brother. It has messed him up a lot.